Friday, September 30, 2016

#BlogElul: Give

I’m not a big fan of new year’s resolutions, but, nonetheless, I resolve to give 5777 my all.

I resolve to give a damn about (and thanks for) the things that matter: the people I love, the causes to which giving time and energy make a difference in our world, and finding positivity and sparks of beauty, holiness, and meaning around me.

At the same time, I resolve to try not to give a hoot about the things that consistently and increasingly annoy me – and really don’t matter at all. You likely know what they are and since there’s nothing I can do about them, I’m not even going to give them a platform here.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Thursday, September 29, 2016

#BlogElul: Bless



Six years ago I learned that I carry a BRCA genetic mutation that significantly increases my lifetime risk of breast and ovarian cancer, as well as others. Although it did not seem so at the time, this knowledge has turned out to be a blessing many times over.

First and foremost, it enabled me to make decisions – yes, they were excruciatingly painful – not to allow my genetics to determine my destiny. Thanks to modern science, technology, and medicine, I underwent a series of surgeries that I believe saved my life. A blessing.

More than that, thanks to my BRCA mutation status, I’ve connected with a terrific community of fellow mutation carriers, healthcare professionals, and awareness advocates. This incredible network of people not only provided support and resources when I needed them myself, but constantly helps me give back to the many hereditary cancer mutation carriers who are behind me in their own journeys. A blessing.

Today, my own journey as a hereditary breast and ovarian cancer previvor took me to the New York Stock Exchange, where Invitae and its guests rang the closing bell, signaling the end of the trading day. It was an incredible experience and a blessing, too.

As my BRCA mutation status has brought me blessings and allowed me to bring them to others, may it be that I continue to receive and give blessings in the new year.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

#BlogElul: Create

I’m the first to admit it can be hard to create community in New York City.

But not tonight.

We saw the empty table in the small, crowded Starbucks at the same time. She needed the plug for her computer. I had paper, a pen, and a letter to write, so we agreed to share it, and we each got down to work.

I thought she might be a wedding planner or a personal shopper as she described a dress with bell sleeves to her “client” on the phone, noting that the store where it is available would be open until 8 o’clock tomorrow night and until 7 on Friday. Meanwhile, I was writing to my friend in hospice, telling him of times we’d spent together that hold special meaning for me. As I addressed the envelope for my letter, she finished her call and before long, we were chatting.

As it turns out, her mother’s getting married in the middle of October, but the dress the bride bought back in the spring no longer fits. Although her daughter seemed somewhat exasperated by the short timeframe in which to find a replacement, I reminded her to be grateful to have something as lovely as a wedding to celebrate. Pointing to my letter, I told her what I’d been writing.

“We’re each doing our mitzvah,” she said.

Our conversation continued, we exchanged email addresses, and by the time I got home after tonight’s Torah chanting rehearsal for the High Holidays, this email awaited me:
Hi Jane,
It was so nice talking with you this evening. I would love to meet you for a cup of coffee sometime soon. Like I said earlier, moving and meeting new friends is hard, especially as an adult woman.
My schedule is pretty flexible so give me a couple days and times that work for you.
Have a good night and I look forward to chatting again soon.
No matter what comes from this experience, it is a good omen for the new year.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul: Intend

I didn’t intend for my days to be so full that there's no time to stop for a chat, a walk, some coffee.

I didn’t intend to be short-tempered, to cut you off, to roll my eyes.

I didn’t intend not to know you. You didn’t know me either. What’s your name? Do you even want to know mine?

I didn’t intend to leave the meeting without saying anything, but what can I possibly say to you? I don’t know you, where you sit, or what you do. Do you even care? Do I?

I intended to focus on just one thing, but there are too many distractions. They get in the way, interrupting my focus, intruding on my concentration. I get confused, frustrated, flustered, angry.

Can I turn off the text messages, the IMs? The jackhammers? The chat box on the video call? Can I ignore the emails? Shut off the TV? Quiet the rumbling? Stop the banging? Silence the sirens? Turn down the volume? Shut off the machines?

Shhhhhh.

I intend to hear the voice inside myself.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Monday, September 26, 2016

#BlogElul: Hope

The hope in my heart feels like barely an ember. Yet I know it can glow again, lighting the way to positive change – for me and our world.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Sunday, September 25, 2016

#BlogElul: Begin

As we begin a new week – the last one of 5776 – may I begin to see with my 5777 eyes: less judgmentally, more compassionately, less harshly, and more patiently. Even as my eyesight and my heart soften, may I also begin to say “no,” so there can be time in my life for me – to read, write, think, or just be alone with my soul.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Saturday, September 24, 2016

#BlogElul: End

The end of Elul is approaching. With each passing day, I have an increased desire to skip the High Holidays entirely this year. (No, it has nothing to do with the new rabbi – or any of the clergy.)

A rabbi friend tells me that among some, this is a Jewish tradition.

Hmmm…

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Friday, September 23, 2016

#BlogElul: Love


Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Thursday, September 22, 2016

#BlogElul: Fulfill

How does one fulfill the responsibility to be a good Jew?

The answer I like best is one I saw years ago at the bottom of an email: A good Jew is any Jew who is trying to be a better Jew.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

#BlogElul: Judge

Some food for thought from others:

Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers.
--Voltaire

Do not mind anything that anyone tells you about anyone else. Judge everyone and everything for yourself.
--Henry James

I do believe that every person has an equal opportunity to be a good and wise judge regardless of their background or life experiences.
--Sonia Sotomayor

I ask you to judge me by the enemies I have made.
--Franklin D. Roosevelt

Let you look sometimes for the goodness in me, and judge me not.
--Arthur Miller

I am saddened by how people treat one another and how we are so shut off from one another and how we judge one another, when the truth is, we are all one connected thing. We are all from the same exact molecules.
--Ellen DeGeneres

He who is cruel to animals becomes hard also in his dealings with men. We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals.
--Immanuel Kant

We should not judge people by their peak of excellence; but by the distance they have traveled from the point where they started.
--Henry Ward Beecher

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

#BlogElul: Ask

Perhaps I’m naïve, but here are 10 things I’d like to ask the universe:
  1. What has happened to civil discourse in our society?
  2. Is there an appropriate prayer for a friend whose health is not going to be restored…ever?
  3. Why is it suddenly okay for people to be so nasty?
  4. What would happen if a universal ban on cell phones went into effect next week?
  5. If I were to write an ethical will, to whom would I give it?
  6. Does being a good person count for anything anymore?
  7. Is there anyone who still values the golden rule?
  8. What does having a day of rest really mean?
  9. Is it true that cockroaches would survive a nuclear holocaust?
  10. Does meaningful change really happen based on hearing a sermon or two?
Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Monday, September 19, 2016

#BlogElul: Awaken

Lately I’ve been burning the candle at both ends. Between work (all High Holidays all the time), freelance projects, and volunteer commitments, as well as trying to find time for friends, #BlogElul, and some much-needed downtime, I’m perpetually exhausted.

The feeling reminds me of high school, when I’d study as far into the night as I could before asking my dad to wake me early. With my mind and body refreshed, it always was easier to finish an assignment, review notes for a quiz, or read a chapter and be ready to discuss it in class than it would have been the night before.

These days, though, no matter how much sleep I get, morning never finds me fully refreshed, energized, motivated, or enthused. I sometimes long for those seemingly simpler times – and wonder what it would take to once again awaken excited about the day ahead.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul: Pray

I’d like to pray during the upcoming High Holidays like I do on Shabbat – in an intimate setting, surrounded by familiar people and melodies. At the end of the service, we’d have the usual hallway Kiddush and then retire upstairs for a nosh and Torah study. (OK, we’d skip the Kiddush and nosh on Yom Kippur.)

Who’s with me?

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Sunday, September 18, 2016

#BlogElul: Change


I’m having company for brunch and as I was transferring the whitefish salad – one of my favorites – from the Fairway container to a serving bowl, I took a taste.

Suddenly, a flood of whitefish-eating memories from this season in years past rushed in, I guess because it was always such a treat on the lunch buffet at those long-ago meetings.

Frequently, the United Nations General Assembly was in session, creating chaos in the neighborhood, but even if it wasn’t, there always were lay leaders, committee reports, and a d’var Torah. Often, someone blew the shofar, its echo filling a room that always felt warm and collegial -- even if my lenses are a little rose-colored. If there weren’t enough seats, staff members sat on the radiators along the windowed side of the room, in chairs along the opposite wall, or perched on the counters in the back. The microphones at the end of each aisle captured speakers’ comments, questions, and concerns, but not before they’d clearly stated their name and congregation for the record. At some point at each gathering, the president spoke and I hung on every word – engaged, motivated, and proud.

Change is hard...and sometimes time only makes it harder.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Friday, September 16, 2016

#BlogElul: Learn

This week I learned the why behind not wearing leather shoes on Yom Kippur.

Having this knowledge not only has reinforced how much I enjoy Jewish learning for its own sake, but also made it possible that you’ll see these beauts on my tootsies in temple in a few weeks:


Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Thursday, September 15, 2016

#BlogElul: Remember

Tonight I was blessed to sit among friends of longstanding and reminisce.

Just being together, we remembered so much: laughter, camaraderie, teamwork, mishaps, escapades, challenges, hotels, idiosyncrasies, long hours, short fuses, dinners, lunches, meetings, back offices, pipe and drape, spreadsheets, coffee (and stiffer drinks)… The list is endless.

Most of all, we remembered how lucky we were to come together with each other and other good people to do meaningful, successful work in the world.

May the new year bring each of us that same kind of luck and companionship, and years from now, may we look back on those days that are yet to be, remembering them -- and each other -- with as much fondness, warmth, gusto, and love as we did tonight.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul: Forgive

My father often tells me I expect too much.

He is right -- and I am frequently disappointed and frustrated.

I expect a lot (I'm not sure it's too much) from others and I expect a lot (again, I'm not sure it's too much) from myself.

With high expectations it is difficult to forgive -- myself and, unfortunately, others as well.

How long will it take me to learn to cut everyone -- including myself -- some slack?

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

BlogElul: Trust

When someone passes my work off as hers, it’s hard to be a trusting soul.

When the bodega cashier says a sandwich and fruit costs $10-something, but $32 and change shows up on my credit card statement, it’s hard to be a trusting soul.

When illness and death fell people long before what might reasonably be considered their time, it’s hard to be a trusting soul.

When slogging through days surrounded by heartless nastiness, it’s hard to be a trusting soul.

What does it take to maintain a reasonable balance between being a trusting soul and being a sucker?

Is there an equilibrium that exists between fool and trusting soul?

Although I keep looking for that balance, it seems to keep alluding me.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Monday, September 12, 2016

#BlogElul: Count

Count your blessings.

Every day.

Even when the world feels dark and unfair, blessings are out there: friends who love you, a new day, a clean slate, a lesson learned, a hand to hold, a gentle hug – given and received.

Kisses.

A kind word.

Fluffy clouds.

A song.

Camaraderie.

A cardinal in spring.

Community.

A smile.

A rainbow.

Blessings.

Count them.

Savor them.

Be them.

They’re life’s truest riches.

Blessings.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Sunday, September 11, 2016

BlogElul: Observe

As many times as I observe this sign in various places around the city, I don't understand it:

Do you?
Here's hoping that messages in 5777 are clearer than this one.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year. 

Saturday, September 10, 2016

#BlogElul: Hear

Tomorrow morning, I will wake up in time to hear the names -- from Gordon McCannel Aamoth, Jr., all the way through to Igor Zukelman.

I will hear and I will remember.




Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Friday, September 9, 2016

#BlogElul: Choose

Sometimes I’m a slow learner. It’s taken me many decades to figure out these important lessons – and to incorporate them into my life:
  1. I can choose to say “no” without being mean, nasty, or selfish.
  2. The way I choose to organize and spend my free time is up to me, and I don’t have to justify my choices to anyone.
  3. It’s OK to choose differently than others, as long as I’m comfortable with the choices I make for myself.
  4. Deciding not to choose is a choice itself.
  5. Choosing friends is perhaps the most important choice of all.
  6. From time to time, everyone makes less than great choices. Deal with them positively and move on.
I’m looking forward to making powerful, positive choices in the new year.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul: Believe

If seeing is believing, today I saw two extremes of human behavior.

First, sitting in the café at Barnes and Noble, I saw – or rather I heard – a woman on the phone with a far-away child. Not only was the caller uber-pretentious – “Sweetie, remember when we were in Prague and we saw the furniture exhibit at the Museum of Decorative Arts...?” – but she was using anything but her “inside voice.” In fact, everyone in the cafe, as well as browsers in the bookstore beyond were disturbed by the volume of her saccharin pomposity. When chided by a fellow café patron who asked her politely to lower her voice, she said, without an iota of apology, “Oh I’m so sorry. I’m speaking with my three-year-old, so I have to talk loudly.”

From Barnes and Noble, I walked to the far east side for a shiva minyan at a house of mourning. As is often the case, the apartment overflowed with humanity, present to comfort the mourners, fellow congregants and longtime, active members of our synagogue. Just as it is traditional to recite Psalm 27 daily during Elul as a reminder that God is with us in good times and bad, so too do we, the mourners’ friends and community members, stand with them at this sad time in their lives, helping them come to terms with their loss. 

Indeed, if seeing is believing, in 5777 may we see (and perform) many more acts of genuine kindness, caring, and compassion than acts of uber pomposity.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

#BlogElul: Accept

When life gives us lemons, it’s not always easy to make lemonade.

It’s challenging to accept much of what gets tossed our way, grueling to play the sometimes crappy hands we’re dealt.

Financial challenges, health scares, illness (or its potential), divorce, accidents, domestic violence, learning disabilities, family discord, death and the circumstances leading to it – these and more take a toll on our bodies’ and our souls’ well-being.

And yet, they bolster us, too, forcing us to dig deep into our emotional coffers in search of the courage, moxie, strength, and spiritual capital we need to put one foot in front of the other, day after day, and slowly, steadily move forward to a better place.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

#BlogElul: Understand


Ironically, the longer I spend here in the world, the longer is the list of things I don’t understand. Among the things that continually baffle me – in no particular order – are:

  • Cancer
  • Violence
  • Faces endlessly glued to screens
  • Politics and politicians
  • The stock market
  • Tattoo sleeves
  • The youth orientation of our culture
  • The joy of consumerism
  • Outright nastiness
  • Slapstick comedy (I don’t find it amusing)
  • Deceit
  • Bullying
  • And the list goes on…

All the more reason, I guess, to spend this month working to explore and understand my own soul – and exactly what makes it tick.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Monday, September 5, 2016

#BlogElul: Search


As a single New Yorker who works more than full-time, writes and edits on a freelance basis, volunteers and fundraises for my soapbox cause, runs a household, and tries to have a life, I find myself constantly and repeatedly searching for these things:

1. Patience

2. Perspective

3. Fewer judgmental tendencies

4. Food for my soul -- and time to feed it

5. Balance

6. Ways to ward off stress and negativity

7. Professional camaraderie and companionship

8. Time and vulnerability to write

9. Reasons to smile – and people to smile at

Unfortunately, Google is no help here. This search is work I must do myself – now and into the new year.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Sunday, September 4, 2016

#BlogElul: Act


August 17 marked 44 years since we Hermans moved into our beloved house at 12 Webster Road in Somerset.

In the days that followed, Amy and I met the neighborhood kids – the Clancys, the Toths, the Wards, the Kellys, the Bouridimoses, and the Luftglasses – and joined them in the bike-riding, game-playing escapades that would define much of the rest of our childhood.

By the end of the month, I’d already been invited to Susan Luftglass’ 9th birthday party. Today is 44 years since that pool party, and I have never forgotten her birthday or her gracious act to include me -- the new kid on the block -- in her celebration.

Of course we all miss the mark from time to time, but when we do, may acts like Susan’s – with their decades-long staying power – help balance the ledgers within our souls.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Saturday, September 3, 2016

#BlogElul: Prepare

I recently spent a week visiting my Aunt Claire in the senior community where she lives in the Midwest. It’s no surprise that her closest friends are a lot like her – vibrant, engaged, engaging, fun, and interesting. I enjoyed meeting and socializing with them during my week-long visit.

By Wednesday, I had a realization: “I’m different here than in New York,” I said.

“What do you mean?”

“I smile, chat, engage – and participate in real conversations here. It’s well worth the effort and it doesn’t feel like work at all.”

“At home, I don’t even know half the people who work in my office – or anything about them -- and on some days, the most interactive exchanges I have are with the cashier who rings me up in Duane Reade or the guy who tosses my salad at lunchtime.

I know New York’s a tough place to live, but as Elul descends and I prepare to take an accounting of my soul, I hope to open it up to new beauty, goodness, kindness, decency, humor, integrity, meaning, and more. Amidst the endless chatter and noise and self-centeredness that emanate from everywhere and everyone, I not only want to seek out the beauty, goodness, kindness, decency, humor, integrity, and meaning I know are out there, I want to be touched and enriched by these things – and to touch and enrich others with them as well.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima,this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.