Friday, November 23, 2018

5 Things I’m Grateful for This Black Friday…and Always

Photo: Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center
These people, places and things (but nothing with a SKU or UPC code) are bringing me joy and gratitude this Black Friday – and all year long.

5. Living and working in New York City


Despite my love-hate relationship with the city – its noise, crowds, transit system, and other offerings, good and not so good – there’s nothing quite like helpful New Yorkers, bodega coffee, or crossing 23rd Street against the light on a holiday morning when New York shows us its quiet side.

4. William, my trainer


From crunches to rowing, lifting to running, boxing to jumping, the two hours I spend under William’s guidance each week make me a partner in caring for my body, building physical and emotional strength, and expanding my world with a small view into the life of an Ecuadorian immigrant family.

3. Health and the insurance to help guard it


A visit to the Evelyn H. Lauder Breast Center at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center right before Thanksgiving each year not only reminds me not to take my health for granted, but also to remember the hundreds of people who, whether they know it or not, play a role in ensuring my inherited genetics don’t determine my destiny.

2. The minyan at Temple Shaaray Tefila


In a large congregation, it’s a blessing to slip into “my pew” on most Saturday mornings and to connect to the people around me, and the prayers, music, and rituals that will unfold in the coming hours. Torah study, too, connects me to my (ancient) people, unchanged by the millennia, but ever-changing because of my own new perspectives, knowledge, and “ah-ha” moments.

1. Family and friends


More than an individual's presence, it is the love, support, joy, laughter, humanity, honesty, attention, time, and more that we share with one another that makes my life rich and full. Thanks to the people in my village and in my world – near and far, new and not so new, known and unknown – I truly have everything I need.

Sunday, November 18, 2018

Laughing Uncontrollably in the Cemetery

Dear Nathan,

We owe you an apology. We didn’t mean to laugh with such abandon at your grave yesterday, so please let me explain.

It was my mom’s birthday and we were visiting her grave, just a row over from yours, when my sister noticed the back of the tall, sawed off tree trunk that is your gravestone. (To be honest, I don’t know why we never noticed it before, since we’ve been visiting at the site since the mid-1980s, when my grandfather was buried directly opposite where my mom’s grave is now. Of course, my sister says we have better Visual Intelligence these days, and she may be right.)

In any case, when we were finished visiting my mom and her parents, we wandered over to the front of your tree trunk, which my dad told us often symbolizes a life cut off before its time. In fact, you were a mere 28 years old when you died in 1943. We studied the stone which holds a black and white image of you, wearing a large fedora-style hat. Indeed, you were a handsome guy. My father told us in his experience, it’s often Russians who place photos on gravestones such as is on yours. Perhaps you were Russian…perhaps not.

In any event, I also noticed the pitcher and bowl engraved on your tombstone, which is when I said out loud, “I wonder what the pitcher means.”

My dad, despite his new hearing aids, thought I was asking about the picture and replied, “It’s Russian.”

“No, the pitcher,” my sister said, giggling, “not the picture! Jane’s the last person who would mispronounce in that way.”

With that, we all exploded into peals of laughter. It was the kind of laughter that makes tears run down your face and the more we laughed, the less we could stop. It’s a good thing it was Shabbat and there was no one around.

We truly meant no disrespect.

Back in the car, once the giggles finally subsided, I texted this to a rabbi friend: “What does it mean when there’s a pitcher on a gravestone? Today’s my mom’s b’day, so we were at the cemetery.”

The answer came in bits and pieces: “Levite.”

“They were the carriers of water in the ancient Temple and thus were symbolized by the pitcher. It was the pitcher of water used to wash the hands of the Cohanim.”

“Thus the bowl...”

“Here's a great reference doc... https://www.jewishgen.org/InfoFiles/tombstones.html.”

So, you see, that’s how we came to laugh so uncontrollably at your grave. In addition to our apology, though, I think we owe you our thanks, too, for bringing us a bit of joy on a gray, sullen Saturday.

I suspect we’ll visit your gravestone again whenever we’re in the cemetery and that it always will bring us a sweet memory. In the meantime, rest in peace Nathan Finkelstein.

~ JanetheWriter

Sunday, October 7, 2018

5 Things I Wondered About Today

Admittedly, these are first world issues, but nonetheless, I spent time wondering about them today (perhaps to avoid wondering about weightier issues such as, oh, I don't know, maybe the future of this country??):

1. What is a Universal Life Minister and why are they so popular as wedding officiants?

2. When is my landlord going to reappear from amongst the ranks of the missing to repair or replace the window unit air conditioner in my living room, which has now been on the fritz (when it should be on "frenzy," as my mother would say!) for nearly two weeks? (Although the calendar says it's October, both the thermometer and the hygrometer say it's July.)

3. Speaking of the calendar and the weather, now that we’re praying weekly for wind and rain (mashiv haruach umorid hagashem), when will we see the first flakes of snow? And when will Jim Cantore be out there in the thundersnow ? Tomorrow?

4. Now that I’ve finished Bellevue: Three Centuries of Medicine and Mayhem at America's Most Storied Hospital, what should I read next?

5. Am I the only person whose Facebook account hasn’t been hacked?

Happy Sunday, folks. Have a good week!

Sunday, September 23, 2018

Letter to a Nutritionist...But Not Mine

Dear Nutritionist,

When I canceled my appointment with you for next week, the receptionist asked if I wanted to reschedule. I’d rather tell you why I canceled in the first place.

Like countless other New Yorkers, I’m a smart, busy, reasonable person, who tries to make healthy food choices, exercises regularly, and works long hours in a stressful job. I live on a tight budget and don’t particularly enjoy cooking; nonetheless, I rarely order in and eat out only about once or twice a week with friends or family.

You met me once. In the time we were together, you took my body measurements and my weight. After an hour, I left with a second appointment that was further into the future than the two weeks you recommended. The upcoming High Holidays were certainly a factor, but your availability only during business hours on Tuesdays played a role as well.

I left, too, with these takeaways that you had plunked down in what felt like an inflexible, admonishing, and scolding way:
1. Eat organic.
2. Do not microwave vegetables; steam them.
3. Eat no carbs.
4. Eat very little dairy.
5. Keep a food diary.

As I said, I’m a reasonable person and since you have no idea how much or what type of dairy I eat (there’s a big difference between a pint of Haagen Dazs ice cream and a scoop of fat free Fage Greek yogurt), it’s not really practical for you to tell me in a first meeting to eat very little dairy.

The same is true of carbs, even though I am trying to lower my blood sugar. Nonetheless, as with the dairy, you have no idea about my intake of carbs or that I’ve worked hard during the last several months to cut back drastically on them. Even so, last week I wasn’t willing to skip a small piece of homemade round challah and a drizzle of honey to mark this season of new beginnings.

Ironically (or perhaps not), my meeting with you did absolutely nothing to inspire me to be my best(-eating) self in the New Year. Instead, it left me frustrated, angry, and overwhelmed – definitely not the person I want to be – and so it is that I won’t be scheduling another appointment to see you anytime soon.

Yes, I know it’s hard to lose weight. I’m willing to give it my best shot, but on my terms: continued smart choices and an “everything in moderation” outlook that is much more suitable for a real person in the real world.

Sincerely yours,
 ~ JanetheWriter.

Friday, August 31, 2018

7 Random Reminders from a Funeral During Elul



  1. Late summer sunshine on the Hudson is spectacular. When you look, you can find the beauty in creation. It’s out there.
  2. Karma, for lack of a better word, exists. What you put out into the universe comes back to you.
  3. Get behind a cause you believe in to help repair our broken world.
  4. The people in your orbit matter. Surround yourself with an ever-widening circle of those who bring you joy and help you laugh, cope, and get the most from this life.
  5. A long, loving relationship is a holy thing. Those who have one truly are blessed.
  6. Kudos to whomever developed Jewish mourning rituals. The thud of dirt on a casket stings, but laughter, hugs, and sweet memories salve the wound a little bit each day. Don't pick at the scab.
  7. Healthy eating is a noble goal, but when grilled cheese is (the only thing) on the menu, eat up. Sometimes you have to feed your body and your soul. The hell with the carbs.

Saturday, August 11, 2018

5 Reasons I’m Not Participating in #BlogElul This Year

Dear #BlogElul,

I’m glad you’re here and I hope a lot of people blog for you this year, but I’m not going to be one of them. As I told someone who asked me recently about doing a freelance editing job that she needed turned around quickly, “I am on overload...and I can't take on one more thing.”

I #BloggedElul (#BlogEluled? #BlogElulled?) consistently and completely in 2016 and 2017 and it was a meaningful exercise each time, but here are five reasons I’ve opted not to participate this year.
  1. When Rosh HaShanah arrives, I’m exhausted. I spend the weeks leading up to the High Holidays writing and editing countless blog posts and lots of web content for ReformJudaism.org. Add in #BlogElul and by the time the first of Tishrei arrives, I have little, if any, spiritual bandwidth left to do the work the holidays require. 

  2. I need more downtime. Blogging well (and the over achiever in me likes to think my posts are well done) takes lots of thought and time. Ironically, I wrote this in a #BlogElul post in 2016: “As we begin a new week – the last one of 5776 – may I begin to see with my 5777 eyes: less judgmentally, more compassionately, less harshly, and more patiently. Even as my eyesight and my heart soften, may I also begin to say “no,” so there can be time in my life for me – to read, write, think, or just be alone with my soul.”

  3. I am tired of multi-tasking. Often, I eat a meal at the computer; flit back and forth between paying bills and reading emails; start a task, get distracted (usually by technology), and only return to it hours later. On video calls at work, too, I'm baffled by people's ability to listen to whomever is speaking, ask questions, offer opinions, keep abreast of (and participate in) side conversations in the chat box, and read related articles, websites, and more, the links to which others constantly share. I. Can't. Do. It. All. I want enough time to focus on one thing at a time, including #BlogElul –– and to do it without distractions and without interruptions.

  4. One a.m. is not a suitable bedtime. Two nights each week I work out with a trainer. It is simultaneously grounding, invigorating, and physically exhausting. By the time I shower, eat, and take care of whatever else demands attention, it is often much later than I’d like. I’ve been striving for lights-out at 10:30 p.m. on those nights – and on the nights in between – and I'd like to hit that mark at least a few times a week.

  5. “Let’s get together soon” has become an empty promise. Recently, I’ve run into a few neighbors and emailed with some former colleagues whose company I enjoy. We chat or email briefly before the conversation inevitably ends with “Let’s get together soon.” Sadly, it rarely happens. I want time and energy to fulfill those empty promises -- and others -- with face-to-face companionship.
I think the bottom line here is that I need and want to slow down, to stop burning the candle at both ends, to focus – one at a time (and in a non-selfish way) – on people and activities I know will be fulfilling and meaningful to me, and perhaps even have time to discover some new ones as well. I believe that doing so will lead to less frustration, fewer empty promises, more sleep, and more enjoyment of simple pleasures, all of which will help me be my best self in 5779.

Shana tova , #BlogElul… see you next year,
~ JanetheWriter

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post may be the only one I write marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Friday, June 29, 2018

Is There a Gene for Snack-Packing?

Early today – and I mean early – my sister and I set out for White Plains, which is about an hour north of New York City. Our destination was White Plains Hospital, where I’m enrolled in a clinical trial that seeks to determine if regular screening of individuals at increased risk of pancreatic cancer will result in early detection, if and when the disease occurs. (Poo-poo-poo… even though I’m not superstitious or anything.)

Thankfully, the endoscopic ultrasound, which is somewhat invasive and requires a “Propofol nap,” was uneventful with normal results (Keinehora… even though I’m not superstitious or anything), and by late morning, we were headed back to Gotham on the train.

Needing a snack to prevent “hangry” from setting in, my sister pulled from her purse a zip-lock bag filled with fresh cherries. Seeing them reminded me of my own snack buried in my bag: a zip-lock bag of almonds and pitted dates.

Chuckling over the similarity, my sister said, “You get that from your grandmother. Fanny lives.” Indeed, our grandmother lives on through us in many ways. Today it was through our matching zip-lock bags of snacks.