#BlogElul 5777: End

We’re approaching the end of an era at 12 Webster Road and my heart aches. Just typing these words makes me teary, even though I know the most important things in life aren’t, in fact, things or spaces. Nonetheless, I (ever emotional, reminiscent, and sensitive) am sad.

But, in a renewed effort to make lemonade from lemons, I am reminded that we’ll also see the end of:

1. Daddy waiting up until 4 a.m. for the plow guy to clear the driveway after a heavy snowstorm
2. A neighbor who doesn’t respect boundaries (or forsythia bushes)
3. Watching the house next door dilapidate
4. Worry about every creak and leak, the water spots, the water heater, and the banging in the wall we sometimes hear when the toilet flushes

As Maria says as she sets off from the abbey, bound for the Von Trapp home, “When the Lord closes a door, somewhere He opens a window.” Although this window, of course, belongs to Daddy, I think it offers all of us a nice view into a new phase of his life – and our life as a family.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima , this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precede the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serve as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul 5777: Love

I love this kid...

and I can't wait to spend more time with him in the new year.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima , this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precede the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serve as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul: Return

Once again, we’ve returned to the end of Elul and sit perched on the brink of 5777.

May my accounting and assessments throughout this last month prevent me from returning to my old ways.

In the new year, help me to turn toward the good, the sweet, the positive; help me to be kind, generous, giving, to smile, to laugh, and to be gracious, to choose life, and always to be a good Jew trying to be a better Jew.

Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu melech ha-olam for encouraging and enabling us to turn and to return, and may we be inscribed and sealed in the Book of Life for a good and sweet year.

Shana tova u'metuka.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul: Give

I’m not a big fan of new year’s resolutions, but, nonetheless, I resolve to give 5777 my all.

I resolve to give a damn about (and thanks for) the things that matter: the people I love, the causes to which giving time and energy make a difference in our world, and finding positivity and sparks of beauty, holiness, and meaning around me.

At the same time, I resolve to try not to give a hoot about the things that consistently and increasingly annoy me – and really don’t matter at all. You likely know what they are and since there’s nothing I can do about them, I’m not even going to give them a platform here.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul: Bless

Six years ago I learned that I carry a BRCA genetic mutation that significantly increases my lifetime risk of breast and ovarian cancer, as well as others. Although it did not seem so at the time, this knowledge has turned out to be a blessing many times over.

First and foremost, it enabled me to make decisions – yes, they were excruciatingly painful – not to allow my genetics to determine my destiny. Thanks to modern science, technology, and medicine, I underwent a series of surgeries that I believe saved my life. A blessing.

More than that, thanks to my BRCA mutation status, I’ve connected with a terrific community of fellow mutation carriers, healthcare professionals, and awareness advocates. This incredible network of people not only provided support and resources when I needed them myself, but constantly helps me give back to the many hereditary cancer mutation carriers who are behind me in their own journeys. A blessing.

Today, my own journey as a hereditary breast and ovarian cancer previvor took me to the New York Stock Exchange, where Invitae and its guests rang the closing bell, signaling the end of the trading day. It was an incredible experience and a blessing, too.

As my BRCA mutation status has brought me blessings and allowed me to bring them to others, may it be that I continue to receive and give blessings in the new year.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul: Create

I’m the first to admit it can be hard to create community in New York City.

But not tonight.

We saw the empty table in the small, crowded Starbucks at the same time. She needed the plug for her computer. I had paper, a pen, and a letter to write, so we agreed to share it, and we each got down to work.

I thought she might be a wedding planner or a personal shopper as she described a dress with bell sleeves to her “client” on the phone, noting that the store where it is available would be open until 8 o’clock tomorrow night and until 7 on Friday. Meanwhile, I was writing to my friend in hospice, telling him of times we’d spent together that hold special meaning for me. As I addressed the envelope for my letter, she finished her call and before long, we were chatting.

As it turns out, her mother’s getting married in the middle of October, but the dress the bride bought back in the spring no longer fits. Although her daughter seemed somewhat exasperated by the short timeframe in which to find a replacement, I reminded her to be grateful to have something as lovely as a wedding to celebrate. Pointing to my letter, I told her what I’d been writing.

“We’re each doing our mitzvah,” she said.

Our conversation continued, we exchanged email addresses, and by the time I got home after tonight’s Torah chanting rehearsal for the High Holidays, this email awaited me:

Hi Jane,

It was so nice talking with you this evening. I would love to meet you for a cup of coffee sometime soon. Like I said earlier, moving and meeting new friends is hard, especially as an adult woman.

My schedule is pretty flexible so give me a couple days and times that work for you.
Have a good night and I look forward to chatting again soon.

No matter what comes from this experience, it is a good omen for the new year.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul: Intend

I didn’t intend for my days to be so full that there's no time to stop for a chat, a walk, some coffee.

I didn’t intend to be short-tempered, to cut you off, to roll my eyes.

I didn’t intend not to know you. You didn’t know me either. What’s your name? Do you even want to know mine?

I didn’t intend to leave the meeting without saying anything, but what can I possibly say to you? I don’t know you, where you sit, or what you do. Do you even care? Do I?

I intended to focus on just one thing, but there are too many distractions. They get in the way, interrupting my focus, intruding on my concentration. I get confused, frustrated, flustered, angry.

Can I turn off the text messages, the IMs? The jackhammers? The chat box on the video call? Can I ignore the emails? Shut off the TV? Quiet the rumbling? Stop the banging? Silence the sirens? Turn down the volume? Shut off the machines?

Shhhhhh.

I intend to hear the voice inside myself.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul: Hope

The hope in my heart feels like barely an ember. Yet I know it can glow again, lighting the way to positive change – for me and our world.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul: Begin

As we begin a new week – the last one of 5776 – may I begin to see with my 5777 eyes: less judgmentally, more compassionately, less harshly, and more patiently. Even as my eyesight and my heart soften, may I also begin to say “no,” so there can be time in my life for me – to read, write, think, or just be alone with my soul.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul: End

The end of Elul is approaching. With each passing day, I have an increased desire to skip the High Holidays entirely this year. (No, it has nothing to do with the new rabbi – or any of the clergy.)

A rabbi friend tells me that among some, this is a Jewish tradition.

Hmmm…

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul: Love

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul: Change

I’m having company for brunch and as I was transferring the whitefish salad – one of my favorites – from the Fairway container to a serving bowl, I took a taste.

Suddenly, a flood of whitefish-eating memories from this season in years past rushed in, I guess because it was always such a treat on the lunch buffet at those long-ago meetings.

Frequently, the United Nations General Assembly was in session, creating chaos in the neighborhood, but even if it wasn’t, there always were lay leaders, committee reports, and a d’var Torah. Often, someone blew the shofar, its echo filling a room that always felt warm and collegial -- even if my lenses are a little rose-colored. If there weren’t enough seats, staff members sat on the radiators along the windowed side of the room, in chairs along the opposite wall, or perched on the counters in the back. The microphones at the end of each aisle captured speakers’ comments, questions, and concerns, but not before they’d clearly stated their name and congregation for the record. At some point at each gathering, the president spoke and I hung on every word – engaged, motivated, and proud.

Change is hard...and sometimes time only makes it harder.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul: Learn

This week I learned the why behind not wearing leather shoes on Yom Kippur.

Having this knowledge not only has reinforced how much I enjoy Jewish learning for its own sake, but also made it possible that you’ll see these beauts on my tootsies in temple in a few weeks:

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.