#BlogExodus: Matzah

A Matzah Haiku

Be not like matzah;
Sharp, pointy, rough and scratchy;
Be gentle and kind.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Nisan leading up to Passover 5773.

Haiku Madness

Back in April on this blog, I considered using the following haiku as a personal ad, but ultimately rejected the idea:

Jewish girl seeks mensch
Coffee or drinks for to start
Sparks fly and we match

In response to that post, my friend Larry Kaufman wrote this:

If you post haiku
Maybe you'll get a call from
Someone Jewpanese.

Yesterday, inspired by Rabbi Joe Black’s Facebook status (Standing at the mountain. Lots of smoke and noise.), I wrote and posted the following haiku as a personal ad:

Saw you at Sinai
Celebrating that day now
Should we reconnect?

40-something DJF seeks similarly aged mensch for LTR.
Substantive note and photo appreciated.
Chag sameach.

Sadly, the responses have been scarce and not exactly on target. With just one exception, these guys probably weren’t even at the smoky, noisy mountain oh-so long ago.

Guy #1, while he may be a perfectly nice guy, describes himself as Indian American. Like I said, not exactly on target…

Guy #2, apparently burned by an underage internet dater, wanted me to verify my age using AgeProtect. Um, no, I don’t think so…

Guy #3 is a 28-year old German living in New York City.

Guy #4, although Jewish, is 34 and wants to know “what 40-something means.”

Alas, reconnecting with someone from the mountain doesn’t seem like it’s going to happen anytime soon. Perhaps another haiku is in order:

‘Twas crowded up there
Lots of guys to choose from then
Where did they all go?

A Passover Poetry Saga

At this season in 2007, I posted the following personal ad:

This night is the seder,
With friends you will dine,
Lots of good food,
Four cups of wine.
The seat next mine will be empty tonight,
So many good men have all taken flight.

Where are you, my mensch?
Why can't you see,
That I could be the one for thee?
I'm smart and I'm funny,
A really good catch,
Perhaps you are my Passover match.

I live on the east side, have a job I adore,
My hair is quite curly, my age: 44.
Neither too fat or too thin,
I'm just the right size,
With auburn hair and big brown eyes.

You are kind and gentle, Jewish and more,
At least 40-something and not a big bore.
You're seeking a woman, a smart one to boot,
To find her on Craigslist, wouldn't that be a hoot?

You read the Times, not the Post or the News,
You care about Israel, what's good for the Jews.
Your family is central, tonight you're with them,
Eating chicken, matzah and lots of flanken.

You've got your own place, it's filled with great books,
These things are important, much more than your looks.
Your job and your friends, they all are fulfillin',
The only thing missing's a wonderful woman.

Ask the four questions,
Open the door,
Eat some more matzah,
Sweep the crumbs from the floor.

When the seder is over,
And you've had your fill,
Drop me a line,
I sure hope that you will.

Answer this post,
There's no time to waste,
If you're not a good typist,
Use cut and paste.

I hope that you’ll write and tell me the score:
Who are you?
What do you do?
What are your dreams for love so true?
Send me a post and tell me more,
For you, like Elijah, I'll open the door!

As regular readers of this blog will be able to surmise, I received a number of responses – some in rhyme and quite creative – and had some initial, lively email exchanges. And then, as usual, the pool of possibilities evaporated and it was back to normal -- as dry and narrow as Mitzrayim.

Last year, unable to make a good rhyme with "forty-five," (jive, beehive and revive just didn't do it), I deleted the specific reference to my age in the third stanza and posted a slightly revised version of the ad. Again, the same results. Before long, just like the Israelites, I was wandering in a dry, narrow dating desert.

This year, inspired by some Purim limericks on Facebook, I posted this ad:

There once was a Passover seder,
Led by my dad from what he learned in the cheder.
He is a great dad,
For him I am glad,
But would love a new guy on the radar.

Happily divorced 40-something JF seeks age appropriate S/DJM for meaningful LTR.
I’ve been wandering in the dating desert way too long.
Maybe we can find the Promised Land together?!

Guess what? You got it…once again, the same results. And, in some cases, worse. Without meaning to sound judgmental (although I’m not sure it can be avoided), there’s no way that Shlomo from Brooklyn is a good match for me. Neither is 27-year-old Eduard who arrived from Germany last year.

Perhaps less is more and I should try a haiku?

Jewish girl seeks mensch
Coffee or drinks for to start
Sparks fly and we match

Maybe? Nah...not likely.

An April Fool's Haiku

Yes, 'tis April first,
Biennial is coming.
It is not a joke.