#BlogElul 5777: Forgive

I have, in one way or another, committed each of the misdeeds on this list. Please forgive me. As always, I’m striving to be a better person in the year to come, which is the most we can ask of ourselves.

Angering myself and others

Beating a dead horse

Criticizing

Differentiating among equals

Eye-rolling

Failing to keep in better touch

Gossiping

Hopping to conclusions

Impatience

Judging others

Kvetching

Lacking compassion

Minimizing others

Not paying attention

Offending

Pushing buttons

Quitting without finishing

Refusing to think broadly

Schadenfreude

Tardiness

Unnerving others

Valuing things over people

Wasting time

Xenophobia

Yelling

Zooming in on the negative

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima , this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precede the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serve as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Forgiveness Begins At Home: A #BlogElul Post

Photo: aboundlessworld.com

Several years ago, I had a falling out with a friend. During Elul that year, she wrote to ask my forgiveness. Although I suppose I forgave her, I never answered her note.

As I pondered what to do, I realized that I didn't miss her presence in my life, nor did I experience any emptiness, remorse or sadness where I thought a friendship once had lived.  Instead, I was overcome by the lightness of freedom - a haggadah's worth of freedom.  Suddenly, I was free to spend time with other friends, free to enjoy my own space and time in solitude, free from accounting to her for my whereabouts.

With all that freedom, I realized, too, that true friends don't entrap friends, and that as much as she may have needed my forgiveness, so, too, did I need to forgive myself for becoming entangled with someone who wasn't the right friend for me. 

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima,this post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Accept People Where They Are: A #BlogElul Post

Today’s #BlogElul prompt brought to mind the “Serenity Prayer,” sometimes attributed to theologian Reinhold Niebuhr, and most often associated with Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12-step programs:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

If we believe that the High Holidays present us with an annual opportunity to change the things we can, then it is equally important, I think, to recognize, as well, those things we cannot change—and learn to accept them, or at least change the way we respond to the people behind them.  In no particular order, these 10 actions (or inactions) get my hackles up:

1. Using poor grammar
2. Waiting to look for one’s MetroCard until one is already in front of the fare box
3. Unreturned phone calls and unanswered emails
4. Texting on the subway steps
5. Leaving a restroom with unwashed hands
6. Ignoring wait staff, doormen, and other service workers
7. Allowing elderly riders and those carrying children to stand
8. Tossing cigarette butts in the gutter
9. Using the express check-out when one’s basket includes too many items
10. Having personal phone conversations in public places

Although I try not to “go there” myself, I cannot change the people for whom these and other disagreeable (to me) actions are regular habits.  I can, however, attempt to accept that others may have valid reasons for "going there," and try, really try, not to be so judgmental…even if it is only in my head.

Note to self:  Try to be more accepting of people and their actions, remembering that it's impossible to know where they're coming from—or where they're going.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.  

Changing the Way We Act: A #BlogElul Post

Several months ago, I joined Weight Watchers (for the first time ever) and in the last 12 weeks or so, I’ve lost approximately half the amount I need to, on my way to attaining a healthy goal weight.  It hasn’t been easy, but I’ve been diligent—lots of fruits and veggies (zero points), lots of water, lots of tracking, not enough treadmill, and lots of planning, portion control, and asking myself if something is “worth the points” before I dig in.

As much of an eye-opener and a challenge as losing weight has been, I know it will be even harder to keep it off.  Most of all, though, I’ve learned that weight loss and weight management are all about behavior modification—changing the way we act toward food.

In that way, I think the High Holidays are a lot like Weight Watchers.  They’re all about heightened awareness of our behavior coupled with willingness and determination to change, when necessary, the way we act toward others.  And, just as we can experience weight loss when we act differently toward food, so, too, when we act differently toward each other can we experience richer, deeper and more meaningful relationships.

And, just as Weight Watchers knows that there will be weeks in which the needle on the scale moves in the wrong direction, so does our tradition know that teshuvah is hard work and that we likely will falter and miss the mark from time to time.  Nonetheless, in the same way that I return to Weight Watchers week after week to keep my actions with food on track, Judaism allows us to continue our work to act more kindly toward others even once the High Holidays are over--letting us weigh in throughout the year to make sure the needle on the scale is moving in the right direction.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.