Saturday, April 25, 2009

Closing Thoughts

Earlier today I spent some time perusing the New York Times. In three different articles, I was struck by the profundity of the closing sentence: the first was sad, the second real and the third inspirational.

The first was an obituary for Marilyn Cooper, a Tony Award winning character actress who appears to have had a rich, rewarding and successful career and died on Wednesday night at the age of 74. The last line of the obituary says, “She has no immediate survivors.” Sad…

The second was the Shortcuts column in the business section, which this week offered exceedingly timely guidance about what to say and do (and, conversely, what not to say and do) when a friend is laid off. The closing sentence of this one: “As Ms. Trunk says, ‘Most people’s moronic comments are rooted in kindness.’”

And now, the best, which appears in an op-ed by Tom Bergeron, host of “Dancing With the Stars.” Of course, pop culture Neanderthal that I am, I had no idea who Bergeron was until I read the blurb under his name. In any event, he wrote about Susan Boyle (yes, even I know who she is), the unemployed, 40-something British woman who is belting out I Dreamed a Dream all over YouTube. Pondering our snarky, smug attitudes toward those who are less than young, beautiful or “cool” (however you define it), Bergeron closes with this: “We need the courage to believe that stirring voices can be found in unlikely places.”

Indeed, let us seek out those stirring voices and encourage them to sing.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Puppies Behind Bars: It’s Win, Win, Win

Meet Bear. He’s over there on the right -- a year-old, black Labrador retreiver.

Most of the time he lives in a New York metropolitan area prison where he’s being raised and trained by an inmate to be a service dog for the disabled or an explosives detection canine for law enforcement. On the weekends, he comes to the city so he can get used to such things as noise, traffic and pooping on concrete.

This weekend, my friend Amy is hosting Bear’s overnight stay and reinforcing the training he’s receiving back home in prison. She’s a specially-trained volunteer with Puppies Behind Bars, an innovative partnership that pairs puppies with prisoners for the good of all involved.

Indeed, it is a win, win, win scenario.

The prisoners, some of whom have committed murder, are entrusted with young, helpless pups and, in addition to daily care, feeding and grooming, are responsible for conducting rigorous training that one day will enrich, and perhaps even save lives. In exchange, prisoners receive untold affection, companionship and the satisfaction of bettering themselves and our world.

The puppies, a mere eight-weeks old when their training begins, also are entrusted with fragile lives—those severely lacking in self-esteem, confidence and much success of any kind. In exchange for their affection, companionship and obedience, the pups enhance the lives of prisoners and, eventually, the disabled in countless ways.

The volunteers--dog lovers all--are, like the prisoners, entrusted with young lives and the responsibility for ensuring continuous, consistent and careful training. In exchange, the volunteers are generously compensated with canine currency -- deep and unconditional affection, constant companionship and, even if for just a brief time, a small, but critical role in improving our world for all.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Happy Easter to You, Too

One more “Schmuck Parade” story and then I promise I’ll move on…

Recently, I signed up on plentyoffish.com, a free internet dating site. As you might imagine, because it’s free, it’s filled with ads and not as well organized or user friendly as JDate.com or match.com. Nonetheless, my profile’s been seeing more action there than elsewhere so for the time being, I’ll keep my line in the water.

Yesterday, I received the following email from 32-year-old Mike, a guy who doesn’t happen to be Jewish:

“You come across as very friendly and down to earth. Would you like to talk?”

Kudos to him for reaching out, for being in the right city, for writing two separate and distinct sentences, and for using proper punctuation in each one. Believe me, that’s more than I get from most.

Given his age and his religious affiliation, however, I wrote back: “Hi and thanks for your note. I appreciate your interest, but I am in search of a 40-something Jewish guy. Good luck to you.”

To which he replied: “I hope you find what you are looking for. Happy Easter.”

Oy gevalt!

Sunday, April 12, 2009

My Passover Match

Ever the optimist and not willing to let a corny, seasonal poem go to waste, I posted this personal ad on Friday morning:

Last night was the seder,
With friends I did dine,
Lots of good food,
And four cups of wine.
The seat next to mine was empty last night,
But other than that, my life is just right.

Where are you, my mensch?
Why can’t you see,
That I could be the one for thee?
I'm smart and I'm funny,
A really good catch,
Perhaps you are my
Passover match?

I live on the east side, have a job I adore,
Am seeking a great guy, not asking for more.
Neither too fat nor too thin,
I'm just the right size,
With auburn hair and nice brown eyes.

You are kind and gentle, Jewish and more,
At least 40-something and not a big bore.
You're seeking a woman, a smart one to boot,
To find her on Craigslist, wouldn't that be a hoot?

You read the Times to get the news,
You care about Israel, what's good for the Jews.
Your family is central, you sedered with them,
Some chicken and matzah and lots of flanken.

You've got your own place, it's filled with great books,
These things are important, as much as your looks.
Your job and your friends, they all are fulfillin',
The only thing missing's a wonderful woman.

You asked the four questions,
You opened the door,
You ate lots of matzah,
Swept the crumbs from the floor.

Now that the seder is over,
And you've had your fill,
Drop me a line,
I sure hope that you will.

Answer this post,
There's no time to waste,
If you're not a good typist,
Use Word’s cut and paste.

I hope that you’ll write and tell me the score,
Tell me your name and some things you adore.
Music? The city? Browsing for books?
Good food and wine or watching a flick?
Just what is it that makes you tick?

Who are you? What do you do?
What are your dreams for love so true?
Send me a post and tell me more,
For you, like Elijah, I'll open the door!

In less than 48 hours, I’ve received 20 responses, only a handful of which deserve a reply.

Here’s a small sample:

Guy #1, I’ll call him “Spero” because of his obviously Hellenistic name, wrote, “I am 24 and live in Brooklyn. Mail me back if you are interested.”

Guy #2, possibly a nice Jewish guy, lives in Philadelphia.

Guys #3 and #4 are married.

Guy #5 wants to know if I speak in rhyme.

Guy #6 wrote: “I’m 50, divorced, no kids, live in Brooklyn, nice to meet you, Happy Pesach.” While this message might be deserving of a reply, two weeks ago when this same “Romeo” answered a different ad of mine, he was 48. Funny how that aging thing works…

One more and then I must go do the laundry…

Guy #7, although not Jewish, sent what turned out to be the most promising response: “Hello, I'm not Jewish, but just had to say, really enjoyed your posting. The guy meant for you will be very lucky to have you in his presence. Good luck & happy holidays!!!!!!!!”

I responded with this: “Thanks for your note...much appreciated.
If you happen to run into that guy who's meant for me, please send him in my direction! :)
Thanks!”

And he came back with this: I have some Jewish friends, they're married, but I'll ask if family members are looking. Let's keep in touch!!!!!!!!!”

To which I responded: ”I'm a big believer in networking and serendipity so I'll take whatever leads you may uncover! You just never know... :)
Enjoy the holiday weekend.”

And, in fact, you do never know… Maybe Guy #7 actually will come through with a mensch for me.

This is, after all, the season of hope, rebirth and renewal.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

A Passover Poetry Saga

At this season in 2007, I posted the following personal ad:

This night is the seder,
With friends you will dine,
Lots of good food,
Four cups of wine.
The seat next mine will be empty tonight,
So many good men have all taken flight.

Where are you, my mensch?
Why can't you see,
That I could be the one for thee?
I'm smart and I'm funny,
A really good catch,
Perhaps you are my Passover match.

I live on the east side, have a job I adore,
My hair is quite curly, my age: 44.
Neither too fat or too thin,
I'm just the right size,
With auburn hair and big brown eyes.

You are kind and gentle, Jewish and more,
At least 40-something and not a big bore.
You're seeking a woman, a smart one to boot,
To find her on Craigslist, wouldn't that be a hoot?

You read the Times, not the Post or the News,
You care about Israel, what's good for the Jews.
Your family is central, tonight you're with them,
Eating chicken, matzah and lots of flanken.

You've got your own place, it's filled with great books,
These things are important, much more than your looks.
Your job and your friends, they all are fulfillin',
The only thing missing's a wonderful woman.

Ask the four questions,
Open the door,
Eat some more matzah,
Sweep the crumbs from the floor.

When the seder is over,
And you've had your fill,
Drop me a line,
I sure hope that you will.

Answer this post,
There's no time to waste,
If you're not a good typist,
Use cut and paste.

I hope that you’ll write and tell me the score:
Who are you?
What do you do?
What are your dreams for love so true?
Send me a post and tell me more,
For you, like Elijah, I'll open the door!
As regular readers of this blog will be able to surmise, I received a number of responses – some in rhyme and quite creative – and had some initial, lively email exchanges. And then, as usual, the pool of possibilities evaporated and it was back to normal -- as dry and narrow as Mitzrayim.

Last year, unable to make a good rhyme with "forty-five," (jive, beehive and revive just didn't do it), I deleted the specific reference to my age in the third stanza and posted a slightly revised version of the ad. Again, the same results. Before long, just like the Israelites, I was wandering in a dry, narrow dating desert.

This year, inspired by some Purim limericks on Facebook, I posted this ad:

There once was a Passover seder,
Led by my dad from what he learned in the cheder.
He is a great dad,
For him I am glad,
But would love a new guy on the radar.

Happily divorced 40-something JF seeks age appropriate S/DJM for meaningful LTR.
I’ve been wandering in the dating desert way too long.
Maybe we can find the Promised Land together?!

Guess what? You got it…once again, the same results. And, in some cases, worse. Without meaning to sound judgmental (although I’m not sure it can be avoided), there’s no way that Shlomo from Brooklyn is a good match for me. Neither is 27-year-old Eduard who arrived from Germany last year.

Perhaps less is more and I should try a haiku?

Jewish girl seeks mensch
Coffee or drinks for to start
Sparks fly and we match

Maybe? Nah...not likely.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009