Microwave Mishegas

This past Monday morning, the microwave in my apartment died.  No matter how hard or how gently I pushed the numbers on the keypad, nothing happened.  No beeps.  No buzzes. No breakfast. 

Already stressed a-plenty, I posted this status update on Facebook:

Dear Microwave,

Today you had to decide that the keypad wouldn't work? After I'd already added the water to my dry oatmeal and was ready to pop it in to nuke? Thanks to you, I've now got a few more things on my to-do list for today...including figuring out what I'm going to eat for breakfast tomorrow.

Thanks a lot, microwave.

~ Jane.

Once in the office, I called my landlord and although she offered to come into the city to replace the appliance, ultimately we agreed that I would purchase a new microwave, send her the receipt, and deduct the amount from next month's rent.  With that hurdle jumped, my Facebook status got this update:

I spoke to my landlord and have the OK to purchase a new microwave. Looking for 700 watts, white, all the usual features, online purchase (preferably from Amazon) so it will arrive tomorrow or Wednesday at the latest.

Suggestions? Recommendations? 

Like anyone has time to peruse the internets for me....

Overwhelmed by the endless options and choices,  I immediately emailed two friends, "Coupon King" and "Zappos Queen," this message:

You're so good at this...and I'm so bad at it.

Microwave parameters:

• White
• No more than $100
• Turntable
• Easy to use
• All the usual features...mostly I use it for heating and defrosting
• Free shipping
• Delivery asap -- tomorrow or Wednesday at the latest

What can you find??

Thank you!

Within seconds, "Zappos Queen" responded,  "I’m on it."

A few minutes later, this link to a microwave available on Amazon.com appeared in my inbox.

After quickly perusing the parameters for both the .7 cubic foot and 1.1 cubic foot models, I posed these question to "Zappos Queen":  

Have you ever heard of this brand?

Is there any reason not to get the smaller one?  It has to fit on the top of the refrigerator -- and I have to be able to get it up there.

xoxo.

The Queen responded in two separate emails.  First this:

No reason not to get smaller one.

Then this:

Was the best selling white microwave on amazon with 4 stars.
Don’t overthink just order and move on with your day.

To which I could only respond with this truly heartfelt message:

This is one of the 10,000 reasons I love you! 

By the time The Queen responded with a hearty LOL, I had already ordered the microwave and moved on with my day.

After all, I always do exactly what she tells me to do! ;-)  

Fashion Facts from a Non-Fashionista

Dear Fashion Industry,

We’ve never had a great relationship and with each passing year, I find I like you less and less.  This afternoon, against my better judgment, I spent time with you in the hopes that I won’t have to continue to fight with the contents of my closet each morning as I prepare to go to work.  However, that plan didn’t exactly pan out as I expected.

Based on today’s experience, let me tell you a few things that you don’t seem to understand:

1. Some people don’t like to shop and don’t have unlimited funds to spend on clothing,
2. Not everyone has the body of a tween or teen, most of whom want and can afford to wear everything skin tight.  Some of us need a little wiggle room in our clothing.  That means that we’d like the waistband of our pants to sit on our waists.  (That’s why it's called a waistband.)  Can you make some pants like that?  Please?
3. It doesn’t mean, however, that a size large needs to have sleeves that are six times longer than the sleeves on a medium or that shirts need to come down to our knees.  A little extra room in the shoulders and the overall width would be very helpful.  Do you think you could do that?
4. Not everyone looks good in crew neck tee-shirts (even if they come in 37 different colors).  Can you possibly make some square neck and/or v-neck tee-shirts, too?
5. Some people like relatively plain clothing.  Do you think you could make some shirts without sequins, ruffles and embroidery?  Pants without sequins, studs and zippers at the ankle?  And purses without fringe, studs and metal rings all over?  Lots of people would thank you for that.
6. Polyester, rayon and nylon do not breathe.  Therefore, they’re not especially good fabrics for summer clothing.  Cotton is really good for summer fashions, but it needs to be weighty enough so that the clothing—especially the white pieces—aren’t sheer.
7. If you’d be so kind as to add a dash of polyester to the cotton, the clothing can go into the dryer without shrinking.
8. Some of us would appreciate summer dresses with short sleeves.  Sometimes the office is just too chilly for sleeveless and, believe it or not, most 40-somethings I know don’t wear dresses with spaghetti straps. I know, you’re incredulous, but believe me, it’s true.
9. The average American woman wears a size 14.  Therefore, you probably should make that the middle of the bell curve.  Maybe then size 14 garments  wouldn’t sell out so quickly leaving lots of teeny tiny sizes on the racks at sale time, which is extremely frustrating for all of us average size women.
10. One final thing, Fashion Industry:  Can you do something about the music?  I’m not saying that you need to play easy listening tunes or Muzak, but I don't need to hear it from the street as I approach the store, and something with a little more melody and a little less beat at a significantly lower volume would be great.

No, I’m not ready to throw in the towel and head to the Alfred Dunner racks, but a little cooperation from you, Fashion Industry, would be very much appreciated.  Thanks for your consideration.

~ JanetheWriter