My Soul is Tired

Sleep does not help if it’s your soul that’s tired.

-- Unknown

I spent a lot of time during Elul and in the days since Rosh HaShanah taking an accounting of my soul.

My soul is tired.

Tired of being a single-tasker in a multi-tasking world.

Tired of video conference calls that make me feel dyslexic.

Tired of writing condolence notes -- especially for young people.

Tired of eating alone at my desk day after day – for a few extra minutes of work time.

Tired of invariably choosing the pew behind chatters and squirmers -- every year at this season.

Tired of the volume and vulgarity of America’s political discourse.

Tired of having someone pass off my work as her own.

Tired of too-loud talkers, too-loud music, and too-loud kiddies with oblivious moms.

Tired of being pushed and squished on the subway.

Tired of incessant texters -- and constantly dodging them.

Tired of unending consumerism, entitlement, and privilege turning a blind eye to hunger, homelessness, and poverty – and tired of being powerless to help right these wrongs.

Tired of technology’s ceaseless interruptions.

Tired of being bereft of things that promote quality of life and a touch of humanity: face-to-face meetings, apples and honey, thanks for a job well done, uninterrupted work time, morning greetings, communal space, intellectual banter, inside voices, guidance, mentors, a voice, a presence, learning opportunities, creativity for its own sake, and a Shabbat shalom or two when Friday finally rolls around.

My soul is tired – and I don’t know how or where to find the joy, the fun, the funny, the warmth, the camaraderie, the smile, the delight, or the gladness that might bring it back to life.

#BlogElul 29: Return

Once again, we've returned to the brink of a new year.

Thanks to #BlogElul, I've spent the last 29 days (or most of them, anyway) thinking about and reflecting upon my actions and reactions during the last year.

Moving forward, there are situations to which I hope to return again and again and again.

Others, not so much.

Here's hoping that 5776 returns all of us to times of joy, laughter, and opportunities to act in ways that make us proud.

When it returns us to situations in which we've missed the mark or are less than proud of our past behaviors, it's as though life's granting us a "do over," a chance to remember the lessons of Elul, and an opportunity to be our better selves.

May you be inscribed and sealed in the Book of Life for a good and sweet year.  Shana tova u'metuka.  

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year. 

#BlogElul 28: Five Things to Give a Hoot About in 5776

1. Identify an issue you care about -- hunger, poverty, voting rights, Alzheimer's, it doesn't really mater -- and get up on your soapbox every so often to give the cause your time, energy or expertise.

2. Give someone a break: Buy a stranger or a homeless person a cup of coffee. Pay the toll for the driver behind you, swipe someone into the subway on your Metrocard.

3. Give a donation. It doesn't have to be a big one, but, like it our not, money's what makes the world go around. There are countless worthy causes, all of which can use our support. Pick one and write a check or donate online.

4. Give thanks for the good you can do: help a neighbor, call a friend, smile at someone in the elevator, make a batch of chicken soup for your colleague with the flu.

5. Give yourself some slack: sleep in, read a book, leave the office before six, treat yourself to deli flowers. Be as good to yourself as you are to others.

Baruch ata Adonai Eloheinu melech haolam, for enabling me to give financially, emotionally and in all other ways -- to myself and to others. 

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year. 

#BlogElul 27: Bless

Just as Julie Andrews, in The Sound of Music, sings about her favorite things -- raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens, brown paper packages -- these are a few of my favorite blessings:

For New, Special, and First-time-this-year Events

Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melech haolam, 

shehecheyanu, v'kiy'manu, v'higianu laz'man hazeh.

We praise You, Eternal God, Sovereign of the universe, for giving us life, for sustaining us, and for enabling us to reach this time of joy.

#BlogElul 26: Create

I spent time this evening in the sanctuary.

Without windows (OK, it used to be a movie theater),

the room seemed to create a cocoon.

Protecting me from the noise and steam,

the horns, the swerving bikes,

Streaming down Second Avenue.

Or maybe it was the Torah –

Newly draped in white,

that created the cocoon.

Listening to others chant,

I recognized a word here, a phrase there,

a stretch of melody in the trope,

That mirrored the notes in my verses,

Creating a bond with fellow readers.

Even if it is a cocoon, a refuge, a sanctuary,

We cannot really take shelter in the Torah.

Its story commands that we step up,

speak up, act, and play a part,

in helping to create a better world.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year. 

#BlogElul 24: Hope

I could not have hoped for a better day.

1. I slept in and had a leisurely breakfast with time for reading the paper.
2. Impromptu plans to play in the Mahjongg Marathon in Bryant Park panned out…truly an only-in-New-York experience.
3. When he was finished at the Met, Daddy met Amy and me in the park, and we had a late lunch together at Le Pain Quotidien.

4. Since returning home, I’ve caught up on email, finished some chores, and prepared for the rest of the week.

Today was a wonderful mix of relaxation, work, social time, time with family, and time alone.

I am hopeful that 5776 will offer many such days that are just as balanced and enjoyable.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul 23: Begin

And so it begins:

I had some trouble beginning this post, so here’s what I had to say about “begin” in 2013 and again last year.

And here's what a few of my Facebook friends have to say about beginning to usher in this year's High Holidays and the new year of 5776:

To all my cantor and rabbi friends: May you have good health and strength throughout these many services, and may your words and voices be inspired and inspiring.

To all those who celebrate the High Holy Days: May you find yourselves surrounded by friends and communities who lift your spirits and nurture your souls, and may the liturgy and the music of the services bring deeper meaning and spirituality into your hearts.

To my dear friends of all beliefs and backgrounds: May you all have a year of peace, health and prosperity, and may we all remember to treat each other with more kindness, civility and respect. --Cantor Jodi Schechtman 

And this from Michael B. Snyder:

Next Sunday evening, at sundown, Jews around the world will celebrate Rosh Hashanah 5776, the beginning of the last year of the 304th 19-year cycle since creation. Rosh Hashanah begins the 10 Days of Awe leading up to the 25-hour fast for Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. The fast begins 18 minutes before local sundown, and runs until 42 minutes after sundown the next night. Five days after Yom Kippur is the eight-day fall harvest festival of Sukkot (Booths to our Christian friends). And on the Sabbath following the end of Sukkot we begin the annual or triennial sequence of Torah readings with the story of creation from the opening of Sefer B'reishit / The Book of Genesis. It will be a month of observances which, despite the solemnity of the Ten Days of Awe, if filled with rejoicing in the lives of Jews as a whole. For my family and friends who are Jewish I wish you a sweet new year and an easy fast. To all my non-Jewish family and friends I wish only God's blessings upon you all

Shana tova u’metukah!

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year. 

#BlogElul 22: End

I wonder what constitutes an end.

Yes, people die at the end of their lives, but through our memories, remembrances, and actions, they live on in us and through us.

And, yes, each year on Simchat Torah, we read the end of our people's story from one scroll:

Never again did there arise in Israel a prophet like Moses -- whom the Eternal singled out, face to face. for the various signs and portents that the Eternal sent him to display in the land of Egypt, against Pharaoh and all his courtiers and his whole country, and for all the great might and awesome power that Moses displayed before Israel.

#BlogElul 21: Eight Things I Loved About Today

This morning I overslept. When I rolled over, it was 8:32 a.m., the time I usually leave home to get to work on time. I encountered several other frustrations that sent my blood pressure soaring, but there were many things to love about today, too.

Here are eight of them:

1. This morning I had a plumbing issue in my apartment. When Victor, one of the Kips Bay maintenance guys, came to fix it, he showed me how to use the valve under the sink to turn off the water when the faucet handle doesn't work.  Who knew?!


2. I saw an ad on a bus stop shelter for a new show this fall. The Muppets are coming back to television!

#BlogElul 20 Dare

Truth or dare

How dare you...

What a daring, bold move that was...

I dare you...

I double dare you...

How daring do I want to be?

Dare I go beyond my comfort zone...?

Dare I wonder what the new year will bring?

How daring do you want to be?

Dare to be the person you want to be...

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima,this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul 18: Ask

I am too tired to ask any questions...too exhausted to provide any answers, so I will leave you with this quote from Nobel laureate Isidor Isaac Rabi that is so true:

My mother made me a scientist without ever intending to. Every other Jewish mother in Brooklyn would ask her child after school: So? Did you learn anything today? But not my mother. “Izzy,” she would say, “did you ask a good question today?” That difference — asking good questions — made me become a scientist.

Indeed, the smartest people I know always ask good questions!

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima,this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul 17: Awaken

I'm finally awakening to the fact that it's OK to say "no," OK to leave the office at 5 p.m. to go to a movie that won't be around long, and OK to be good to myself.

Having said that, if you have a chance to see this movie starring Patricia Clarkson and Ben Kingsley, go.

It was 90 minutes of delightful escape this evening...and boy did I ever need it!

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima,this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul 16: Pray

I seem to recall that one of my blogger friends once wrote a post about the ways that prayer was like exercise. When I Goggled a few different things to try to locate the post, all I came up with was a Huffington Post article by Michael Rossmann, SJ, entitled Everything I Know About Prayer I Relearned in Spin Class.

Not what I was looking for....

Nonetheless, what I remember about the original post is that it loosely compared prayer and exercise, effectively making the case that they are similar in a few key ways:

1. Both are best done on a regular basis.
2. Both take practice in order to become proficient.
3. The more you do them, the easier and more fulfilling they become.

As a regular worshiper, I agree. Having said that, though, I wonder what it is about the High Holidays that prompts others to get up off the couch to do something that must feel like running a marathon without having trained for it.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima,this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul 15: Change

I've fallen behind in my #BlogElul postings because I changed my Shabbos routine yesterday. I didn't intend to make the change, but it sort of just happened because I overslept. As a result, I missed the minyan, but made it to Torah study.

I spent the afternoon and evening hanging with friends, writing, reading, and drinking iced coffee -- making for a lovely Shabbat. None of these was a big-deal change, though, and I was out of ideas for #BlogElul.

And then this article appeared on the front page of today's New York Times -- and continued for two full pages inside the first section.

Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melech haolam, for creating all of humanity in Your image. Amen.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima,this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul 14: Learn

Just as pocket parks -- the small green spaces tucked in alleys and alongside city buildings -- provide small oases of quiet and escape. I am on the lookout for pockets of pleasure to provide respite from the stresses of daily life. I'm learning to find them, and today I found three:

1. Iced coffee from Dunkin Donuts.

2. The Accordians Bands Festival in Bryant Park.

3. Browsing among the Japanese pens and notebooks at Kinokuniya Bookstore.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima,this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul 13: Remember

Family vacations and matching paper dresses

Saturdays in Sunnyside

Almond cookies cooling on the window sill

The Waltons, The Electric Company, Guiding Light 

Slide rules, the periodic table, frogs in formaldehyde

Archie Bunker, Maude, Carol Burnett

Gas lines, land lines, hopscotch lines

Typewriters, daisy wheel printers, Wite-Out, onion skin and carbon paper

8-track tapes, our Toyota

LA Law, St. Elsewhere, Chicago Hope, Harry and Tonto

Whose Life is it, Anyway? Annie, A Chorus Line, A Doll's House

Family with Sada Thompson and Meredith Baxter Birney

Jekyll Island, Disneyland, The Rustler

View-Master, Boggle, Etch-a-Sketch

John Dean, John Mitchell, G. Gordon Liddy, the Plumbers, Woodward and Bernstein, Deep Throat

Leonard Bernstein, ET, Shenandoah, Barry Manilow, John Denver, Robby Benson

Gym clothes, toe socks, overalls, Danskins, undershirts, white gloves, Mary Janes, clogs

Bell bottoms, dashikis, velvet dresses, jumpers, power suits, briefcases

Passbook savings accounts, CDs, free toasters and blankets, babysitting money

Family services, birthday blessings, a nap before Selichot, the Guggenheim, Katz's Deli

Simple times...sweet memories

Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu melech ha-olam who blessed me with the loving-est family, a secure childhood, wonderful experiences and opportunities, and tremendous powers of remembrance of simple, sweet, long-ago days and times. 

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima,this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul 12: Forgive

Let me return to being forgiving,

To letting go,  

To moving on,

With no grudges beneath the surface.

Let me return to positivity,

Forgiving myself for seeing only the negative  

and the rude in everyone and everything.

Let me return to forgiving others, for

what I see as their faults and imperfections,

As I hope they will forgive me mine.

Each of us moving forward,

To a better, more tolerant, forgiving place.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima,this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul 10: Count

When you count your blessings,
don't count on perfection.
Nobody and nothing's perfect.

Count on screwing up,
Getting mad,
Being in a mess,
Feeling like you'll never get out.

Count on 'fessing up,
Apologizing,
Making amends,
Fixing what you can,
Learning to forgive yourself,
Moving on.

Count on your friends,
To help you laugh,
To hold your hand,
To hug your heart,
To help you make it right.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima,this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul 9: See

Photo: blacksheepfilmworks.com

There's lots to see in Penn Station's Sunday sea of humanity. Every color of skin from freckled ivory to midnight black, with varying shades of cappuccino, latte, cafe au last, and creamy cocoa in between. And a rainbow of hair colors, too, purple, and green, and aqua, too.

Underneath, though, each of us is the same -- a vessel for a divine spark, even if it's not always visible.

In 5776, may my own spark be easily seen, and may I see the spark in others -- even if I have to look for it.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima,this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul 8: Hear

My world is filled with so much background noise and static that sometimes it's hard to hear the things that really matter.

Mostly, it seems, I hear one-sided cell phone conversations. Narishkeit.

Honking horns. Car alarms. Revving engines. Ambulance sirens.

Someone else's music. Blaring car radios. Firetrucks.

Inane chatter.  Jackhammers. Back-up beeps.

Dogs barking. Garbage trucks. Too much talking about nothing.

"Please step away from the door.  Please step away from the door. Please step away from the door."

Stand clear of the closing doors. Stand clear of the closing doors. Stand clear of the closing doors."

Too-loud music. Blenders making frappacinos. Endless words with no message.

Then this morning, I heard NPR's Scott Simon report on Jimmy Carter's recent press conference at which "people of all political faiths got a glimpse of [his] personal courage, grace and goodness. Simon went on to describe Carter's role in ridding the world of guinea worm, which previously had caused debilitating parasitic infections in 3.5 million people in Africa and Asia.

Last year, 126 cases were reported.

How refreshing to hear about something that really matters.

You can hear Scott Simon's full report here:

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima,this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.