Saturday, November 12, 2016

Heading to a Place We Do Not Know With Trump at the Helm

Dear The Mums,

This weekend was Shabbat Lech L’cha, your favorite parashah, with its connection to the immigrant experience and the perennial promise of America as the golden medina that always was so close to your heart.

After Tuesday’s stunning upset of Hillary Clinton by Donald Trump (yes, you read that correctly), it seems to be a most fitting portion for this week. Indeed, many of us feel as Abraham must have felt: we are going forth from the America we know to a land we truly do not know – at all.

Sadly, this country is not, as so many of us expected it would be, anticipating the historic inauguration of its first female president. Instead, we are on the brink of inaugurating Donald Trump as the leader of the free world, despite his proving again and again throughout the campaign that he and many of his supporters are racists, bigots, misogynists, xenophobes, homophobes, Islamaphobes, anti-Semites, and more. (As for his supporters who may not themselves be these horrible things, I cannot wrap my head around how any of them -- particularly women -- could possibly have voted for someone who is so demonstrably all of these things.)

With control of Congress in-hand and a vacancy on the Supreme Court to fill, Trump and his team threaten to unravel many of the hard-won freedoms we hold dear. Equally disturbing, he regularly incites many followers to spew hatred and violence against fellow Americans, especially those who look unlike them, believe differently than they do, or who see the world through a different prism.

This is a divisive, difficult, and frightening time in our country and it is up to each of us to remain vigilant in our efforts to identify and stand up against civil and social injustices on behalf of anyone who is threatened, endangered, unsafe, or wronged. (In an effort to get ahead of the curve, many of us are donating (or increasing our support) to Planned Parenthood, the ACLU, and organizations that provide services to refugees and immigrants, including HIAS, which has roots aiding many of our own people, the huddled masses yearning to breathe free, as they made their way from pogroms and persecution to freedom under the watchful eye of Lady Liberty.)

Friday night at services, “God Bless America,” which really is a prayer, was the closing hymn. As I sang loudly and clearly, with chills of patriotism running down my spine and giving me goosebumps, I don’t think I’ve truly ever wanted anything quite as badly as I want that blessing.
God bless America, land that I love
Stand beside her and guide her
Through the night with the light from above

From the mountains to the prairies
To the oceans white with foam
God bless America, my home sweet home

From the mountains to the prairies
To the oceans white with foam
God bless America, my home sweet home
God bless America, my home sweet home
Miss you…xoxo.
~ Boo!

P.S. Have you run into Marcus yet? You may also see Edie Miller "around town." She'd be fun to have in your Torah study group, too. God knows she'll tell it like it is!

Sunday, October 30, 2016

Persnickety About Paper

Last week, I received two paper samples to review. (Thanks, Exaclair!) The first is an 80 gram sheet of classic grid paper from a Rhodia Reverse Book, the second is 80 gram paper from a new Rhodia dot grid book.

As expected, the paper quality is without question and all the writing implements I tested -- fountain, ballpoint, and gel pens, as well as a mechanical pencil -- wrote smoothly, without bleeding, feathering or skipping.

My preference, however, is for the classic grid, which I find easier to use to ensure writing in straight lines. I do, however, appreciate the near invisibility of the dot grid paper. So, I can't help but ask if Exaclair would consider creating a classic grid that's less prominent in color and "boldness" than its current classic grid paper.

What say ye, Exaclair?

Saturday, October 22, 2016

A Sampling of Sukkot

Which is your favorite sukkah? Why?

Which sukkah looks most welcoming? Why? 

Did you spend time in a sukkah this year?

Hope it was a chag sameach!

Temple Shaaray Tefila, New York, NY
Israel's smallest sukkah
Beit Frummie, Lehigh Valley, PA
URJ, New York, NY
Wikipedia
Anshe Emeth Memorial Temple, New Brunswick, NJ

Sunday, October 16, 2016

What Feels Like Injustice May Be a Chance to Honor a Friend

Dear The Mums,

Yesterday in the minyan, we read from Ha’azinu, which, if I had to guess, is your least favorite Torah portion. Anyone who ever studied with you at this season in years past knows you were ever annoyed with God for telling Moses in no uncertain terms, “You may view the land from a distance, but you shall not enter it—the land that I am giving to the Israelite people.” (Deuteronomy 32:52)

The day before, we had a stark reminder of another of life’s injustices as hundreds of us gathered to say goodbye to Marcus Burstein, our friend, colleague, incredible mensch, and gentle soul extraordinaire. Marcus had died two days earlier, just after Yom Kippur drew to a close.

Like you, I want to be mad at God for allowing such an injustice, for letting an incredible, universally beloved human being suffer and die at 45. However, that would dishonor the memory of someone who had deep faith in God – in good times and bad. Instead, I’m going to try to honor his memory in ways that embrace the fullness of the life he crammed into those 45 short years.

I’m usually not one to dance, but I think a spin or two around the bedroom every so often with iTunes cranked would be a fitting tribute.

Unlike Marcus, I’m not a cook or baker, but perhaps I’ll bake a batch of magic cookie bars for Sukkot. (Another friend posted this recipe, one of his favorites, online and since they're "foolproof," I'm hopeful that even I can handle it.)

Smiling more, listening well, seeing the good in others, and embracing life and its blessings – those in plain sight and those that are hidden – are other ways I can try to honor his memory and his well-lived life.

I hope you’ve made peace with God over God’s injustice to Moses. I, too, will try to make peace with God over what feels like a huge injustice to Marcus, his family, and all the rest of us who knew and loved him. If he shows up in your Torah study group in olam ha-ba, I know you’ll be glad to see him – and that he’ll flash that wonderful smile at seeing you, too.

xoxo,
~ Boo.

P.S. In spite of the circumstances, it was good to see so many people I don’t see often enough anymore – lots of whom you knew, too, from the days of the New Jersey-West Hudson Valley Council.

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Sure You Count, but Not for the Minyan

On my way to a break-fast tonight, I walked past what used to be Vintage Irving, a Union Square wine bar. The bar/restaurant, it appeared, had been converted into a shtiebel, at least for today. A kittel-clad man stood out front asking passers-by if they were Jewish; it seemed they needed one more for a minyan.

The man a few paces ahead of me said, no, he wasn’t Jewish, but wished the man a shana tova.

“You seem to know the lingo,” came the response.

“I’m not Jewish, but my mother was,” said the passer-by.

“Your mother was Jewish; you’re Jewish. Come on in.”

The man refused, politely, but stayed rooted to his spot on the sidewalk.

By now, I’d stopped, too, and without thinking said, “But you won’t count me…”

“Sure I count you,” the kittel wearer told me, “but not for the minyan.”

Shana tova,” I said, continuing on my way.

Sunday, October 9, 2016

My Soul is Tired

Sleep does not help if it’s your soul that’s tired.
-- Unknown
I spent a lot of time during Elul and in the days since Rosh HaShanah taking an accounting of my soul.

My soul is tired.

Tired of being a single-tasker in a multi-tasking world.

Tired of video conference calls that make me feel dyslexic.

Tired of writing condolence notes -- especially for young people.

Tired of eating alone at my desk day after day – for a few extra minutes of work time.

Tired of invariably choosing the pew behind chatters and squirmers -- every year at this season.

Tired of the volume and vulgarity of America’s political discourse.

Tired of having someone pass off my work as her own.

Tired of too-loud talkers, too-loud music, and too-loud kiddies with oblivious moms.

Tired of being pushed and squished on the subway.

Tired of incessant texters -- and constantly dodging them.

Tired of unending consumerism, entitlement, and privilege turning a blind eye to hunger, homelessness, and poverty – and tired of being powerless to help right these wrongs.

Tired of technology’s ceaseless interruptions.

Tired of being bereft of things that promote quality of life and a touch of humanity: face-to-face meetings, apples and honey, thanks for a job well done, uninterrupted work time, morning greetings, communal space, intellectual banter, inside voices, guidance, mentors, a voice, a presence, learning opportunities, creativity for its own sake, and a Shabbat shalom or two when Friday finally rolls around.

My soul is tired – and I don’t know how or where to find the joy, the fun, the funny, the warmth, the camaraderie, the smile, the delight, or the gladness that might bring it back to life.

Saturday, October 1, 2016

#BlogElul: Return

Once again, we’ve returned to the end of Elul and sit perched on the brink of 5777.

May my accounting and assessments throughout this last month prevent me from returning to my old ways.

In the new year, help me to turn toward the good, the sweet, the positive; help me to be kind, generous, giving, to smile, to laugh, and to be gracious, to choose life, and always to be a good Jew trying to be a better Jew.

Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu melech ha-olam for encouraging and enabling us to turn and to return, and may we be inscribed and sealed in the Book of Life for a good and sweet year.

Shana tova u'metuka.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Friday, September 30, 2016

#BlogElul: Give

I’m not a big fan of new year’s resolutions, but, nonetheless, I resolve to give 5777 my all.

I resolve to give a damn about (and thanks for) the things that matter: the people I love, the causes to which giving time and energy make a difference in our world, and finding positivity and sparks of beauty, holiness, and meaning around me.

At the same time, I resolve to try not to give a hoot about the things that consistently and increasingly annoy me – and really don’t matter at all. You likely know what they are and since there’s nothing I can do about them, I’m not even going to give them a platform here.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Thursday, September 29, 2016

#BlogElul: Bless



Six years ago I learned that I carry a BRCA genetic mutation that significantly increases my lifetime risk of breast and ovarian cancer, as well as others. Although it did not seem so at the time, this knowledge has turned out to be a blessing many times over.

First and foremost, it enabled me to make decisions – yes, they were excruciatingly painful – not to allow my genetics to determine my destiny. Thanks to modern science, technology, and medicine, I underwent a series of surgeries that I believe saved my life. A blessing.

More than that, thanks to my BRCA mutation status, I’ve connected with a terrific community of fellow mutation carriers, healthcare professionals, and awareness advocates. This incredible network of people not only provided support and resources when I needed them myself, but constantly helps me give back to the many hereditary cancer mutation carriers who are behind me in their own journeys. A blessing.

Today, my own journey as a hereditary breast and ovarian cancer previvor took me to the New York Stock Exchange, where Invitae and its guests rang the closing bell, signaling the end of the trading day. It was an incredible experience and a blessing, too.

As my BRCA mutation status has brought me blessings and allowed me to bring them to others, may it be that I continue to receive and give blessings in the new year.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

#BlogElul: Create

I’m the first to admit it can be hard to create community in New York City.

But not tonight.

We saw the empty table in the small, crowded Starbucks at the same time. She needed the plug for her computer. I had paper, a pen, and a letter to write, so we agreed to share it, and we each got down to work.

I thought she might be a wedding planner or a personal shopper as she described a dress with bell sleeves to her “client” on the phone, noting that the store where it is available would be open until 8 o’clock tomorrow night and until 7 on Friday. Meanwhile, I was writing to my friend in hospice, telling him of times we’d spent together that hold special meaning for me. As I addressed the envelope for my letter, she finished her call and before long, we were chatting.

As it turns out, her mother’s getting married in the middle of October, but the dress the bride bought back in the spring no longer fits. Although her daughter seemed somewhat exasperated by the short timeframe in which to find a replacement, I reminded her to be grateful to have something as lovely as a wedding to celebrate. Pointing to my letter, I told her what I’d been writing.

“We’re each doing our mitzvah,” she said.

Our conversation continued, we exchanged email addresses, and by the time I got home after tonight’s Torah chanting rehearsal for the High Holidays, this email awaited me:
Hi Jane,
It was so nice talking with you this evening. I would love to meet you for a cup of coffee sometime soon. Like I said earlier, moving and meeting new friends is hard, especially as an adult woman.
My schedule is pretty flexible so give me a couple days and times that work for you.
Have a good night and I look forward to chatting again soon.
No matter what comes from this experience, it is a good omen for the new year.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul: Intend

I didn’t intend for my days to be so full that there's no time to stop for a chat, a walk, some coffee.

I didn’t intend to be short-tempered, to cut you off, to roll my eyes.

I didn’t intend not to know you. You didn’t know me either. What’s your name? Do you even want to know mine?

I didn’t intend to leave the meeting without saying anything, but what can I possibly say to you? I don’t know you, where you sit, or what you do. Do you even care? Do I?

I intended to focus on just one thing, but there are too many distractions. They get in the way, interrupting my focus, intruding on my concentration. I get confused, frustrated, flustered, angry.

Can I turn off the text messages, the IMs? The jackhammers? The chat box on the video call? Can I ignore the emails? Shut off the TV? Quiet the rumbling? Stop the banging? Silence the sirens? Turn down the volume? Shut off the machines?

Shhhhhh.

I intend to hear the voice inside myself.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Monday, September 26, 2016

#BlogElul: Hope

The hope in my heart feels like barely an ember. Yet I know it can glow again, lighting the way to positive change – for me and our world.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Sunday, September 25, 2016

#BlogElul: Begin

As we begin a new week – the last one of 5776 – may I begin to see with my 5777 eyes: less judgmentally, more compassionately, less harshly, and more patiently. Even as my eyesight and my heart soften, may I also begin to say “no,” so there can be time in my life for me – to read, write, think, or just be alone with my soul.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Saturday, September 24, 2016

#BlogElul: End

The end of Elul is approaching. With each passing day, I have an increased desire to skip the High Holidays entirely this year. (No, it has nothing to do with the new rabbi – or any of the clergy.)

A rabbi friend tells me that among some, this is a Jewish tradition.

Hmmm…

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Friday, September 23, 2016

#BlogElul: Love


Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Thursday, September 22, 2016

#BlogElul: Fulfill

How does one fulfill the responsibility to be a good Jew?

The answer I like best is one I saw years ago at the bottom of an email: A good Jew is any Jew who is trying to be a better Jew.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

#BlogElul: Judge

Some food for thought from others:

Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers.
--Voltaire

Do not mind anything that anyone tells you about anyone else. Judge everyone and everything for yourself.
--Henry James

I do believe that every person has an equal opportunity to be a good and wise judge regardless of their background or life experiences.
--Sonia Sotomayor

I ask you to judge me by the enemies I have made.
--Franklin D. Roosevelt

Let you look sometimes for the goodness in me, and judge me not.
--Arthur Miller

I am saddened by how people treat one another and how we are so shut off from one another and how we judge one another, when the truth is, we are all one connected thing. We are all from the same exact molecules.
--Ellen DeGeneres

He who is cruel to animals becomes hard also in his dealings with men. We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals.
--Immanuel Kant

We should not judge people by their peak of excellence; but by the distance they have traveled from the point where they started.
--Henry Ward Beecher

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

#BlogElul: Ask

Perhaps I’m naïve, but here are 10 things I’d like to ask the universe:
  1. What has happened to civil discourse in our society?
  2. Is there an appropriate prayer for a friend whose health is not going to be restored…ever?
  3. Why is it suddenly okay for people to be so nasty?
  4. What would happen if a universal ban on cell phones went into effect next week?
  5. If I were to write an ethical will, to whom would I give it?
  6. Does being a good person count for anything anymore?
  7. Is there anyone who still values the golden rule?
  8. What does having a day of rest really mean?
  9. Is it true that cockroaches would survive a nuclear holocaust?
  10. Does meaningful change really happen based on hearing a sermon or two?
Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Monday, September 19, 2016

#BlogElul: Awaken

Lately I’ve been burning the candle at both ends. Between work (all High Holidays all the time), freelance projects, and volunteer commitments, as well as trying to find time for friends, #BlogElul, and some much-needed downtime, I’m perpetually exhausted.

The feeling reminds me of high school, when I’d study as far into the night as I could before asking my dad to wake me early. With my mind and body refreshed, it always was easier to finish an assignment, review notes for a quiz, or read a chapter and be ready to discuss it in class than it would have been the night before.

These days, though, no matter how much sleep I get, morning never finds me fully refreshed, energized, motivated, or enthused. I sometimes long for those seemingly simpler times – and wonder what it would take to once again awaken excited about the day ahead.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul: Pray

I’d like to pray during the upcoming High Holidays like I do on Shabbat – in an intimate setting, surrounded by familiar people and melodies. At the end of the service, we’d have the usual hallway Kiddush and then retire upstairs for a nosh and Torah study. (OK, we’d skip the Kiddush and nosh on Yom Kippur.)

Who’s with me?

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Sunday, September 18, 2016

#BlogElul: Change


I’m having company for brunch and as I was transferring the whitefish salad – one of my favorites – from the Fairway container to a serving bowl, I took a taste.

Suddenly, a flood of whitefish-eating memories from this season in years past rushed in, I guess because it was always such a treat on the lunch buffet at those long-ago meetings.

Frequently, the United Nations General Assembly was in session, creating chaos in the neighborhood, but even if it wasn’t, there always were lay leaders, committee reports, and a d’var Torah. Often, someone blew the shofar, its echo filling a room that always felt warm and collegial -- even if my lenses are a little rose-colored. If there weren’t enough seats, staff members sat on the radiators along the windowed side of the room, in chairs along the opposite wall, or perched on the counters in the back. The microphones at the end of each aisle captured speakers’ comments, questions, and concerns, but not before they’d clearly stated their name and congregation for the record. At some point at each gathering, the president spoke and I hung on every word – engaged, motivated, and proud.

Change is hard...and sometimes time only makes it harder.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Friday, September 16, 2016

#BlogElul: Learn

This week I learned the why behind not wearing leather shoes on Yom Kippur.

Having this knowledge not only has reinforced how much I enjoy Jewish learning for its own sake, but also made it possible that you’ll see these beauts on my tootsies in temple in a few weeks:


Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Thursday, September 15, 2016

#BlogElul: Remember

Tonight I was blessed to sit among friends of longstanding and reminisce.

Just being together, we remembered so much: laughter, camaraderie, teamwork, mishaps, escapades, challenges, hotels, idiosyncrasies, long hours, short fuses, dinners, lunches, meetings, back offices, pipe and drape, spreadsheets, coffee (and stiffer drinks)… The list is endless.

Most of all, we remembered how lucky we were to come together with each other and other good people to do meaningful, successful work in the world.

May the new year bring each of us that same kind of luck and companionship, and years from now, may we look back on those days that are yet to be, remembering them -- and each other -- with as much fondness, warmth, gusto, and love as we did tonight.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul: Forgive

My father often tells me I expect too much.

He is right -- and I am frequently disappointed and frustrated.

I expect a lot (I'm not sure it's too much) from others and I expect a lot (again, I'm not sure it's too much) from myself.

With high expectations it is difficult to forgive -- myself and, unfortunately, others as well.

How long will it take me to learn to cut everyone -- including myself -- some slack?

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

BlogElul: Trust

When someone passes my work off as hers, it’s hard to be a trusting soul.

When the bodega cashier says a sandwich and fruit costs $10-something, but $32 and change shows up on my credit card statement, it’s hard to be a trusting soul.

When illness and death fell people long before what might reasonably be considered their time, it’s hard to be a trusting soul.

When slogging through days surrounded by heartless nastiness, it’s hard to be a trusting soul.

What does it take to maintain a reasonable balance between being a trusting soul and being a sucker?

Is there an equilibrium that exists between fool and trusting soul?

Although I keep looking for that balance, it seems to keep alluding me.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Monday, September 12, 2016

#BlogElul: Count

Count your blessings.

Every day.

Even when the world feels dark and unfair, blessings are out there: friends who love you, a new day, a clean slate, a lesson learned, a hand to hold, a gentle hug – given and received.

Kisses.

A kind word.

Fluffy clouds.

A song.

Camaraderie.

A cardinal in spring.

Community.

A smile.

A rainbow.

Blessings.

Count them.

Savor them.

Be them.

They’re life’s truest riches.

Blessings.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Sunday, September 11, 2016

BlogElul: Observe

As many times as I observe this sign in various places around the city, I don't understand it:

Do you?
Here's hoping that messages in 5777 are clearer than this one.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year. 

Saturday, September 10, 2016

#BlogElul: Hear

Tomorrow morning, I will wake up in time to hear the names -- from Gordon McCannel Aamoth, Jr., all the way through to Igor Zukelman.

I will hear and I will remember.




Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Friday, September 9, 2016

#BlogElul: Choose

Sometimes I’m a slow learner. It’s taken me many decades to figure out these important lessons – and to incorporate them into my life:
  1. I can choose to say “no” without being mean, nasty, or selfish.
  2. The way I choose to organize and spend my free time is up to me, and I don’t have to justify my choices to anyone.
  3. It’s OK to choose differently than others, as long as I’m comfortable with the choices I make for myself.
  4. Deciding not to choose is a choice itself.
  5. Choosing friends is perhaps the most important choice of all.
  6. From time to time, everyone makes less than great choices. Deal with them positively and move on.
I’m looking forward to making powerful, positive choices in the new year.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul: Believe

If seeing is believing, today I saw two extremes of human behavior.

First, sitting in the café at Barnes and Noble, I saw – or rather I heard – a woman on the phone with a far-away child. Not only was the caller uber-pretentious – “Sweetie, remember when we were in Prague and we saw the furniture exhibit at the Museum of Decorative Arts...?” – but she was using anything but her “inside voice.” In fact, everyone in the cafe, as well as browsers in the bookstore beyond were disturbed by the volume of her saccharin pomposity. When chided by a fellow café patron who asked her politely to lower her voice, she said, without an iota of apology, “Oh I’m so sorry. I’m speaking with my three-year-old, so I have to talk loudly.”

From Barnes and Noble, I walked to the far east side for a shiva minyan at a house of mourning. As is often the case, the apartment overflowed with humanity, present to comfort the mourners, fellow congregants and longtime, active members of our synagogue. Just as it is traditional to recite Psalm 27 daily during Elul as a reminder that God is with us in good times and bad, so too do we, the mourners’ friends and community members, stand with them at this sad time in their lives, helping them come to terms with their loss. 

Indeed, if seeing is believing, in 5777 may we see (and perform) many more acts of genuine kindness, caring, and compassion than acts of uber pomposity.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

#BlogElul: Accept

When life gives us lemons, it’s not always easy to make lemonade.

It’s challenging to accept much of what gets tossed our way, grueling to play the sometimes crappy hands we’re dealt.

Financial challenges, health scares, illness (or its potential), divorce, accidents, domestic violence, learning disabilities, family discord, death and the circumstances leading to it – these and more take a toll on our bodies’ and our souls’ well-being.

And yet, they bolster us, too, forcing us to dig deep into our emotional coffers in search of the courage, moxie, strength, and spiritual capital we need to put one foot in front of the other, day after day, and slowly, steadily move forward to a better place.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

#BlogElul: Understand


Ironically, the longer I spend here in the world, the longer is the list of things I don’t understand. Among the things that continually baffle me – in no particular order – are:

  • Cancer
  • Violence
  • Faces endlessly glued to screens
  • Politics and politicians
  • The stock market
  • Tattoo sleeves
  • The youth orientation of our culture
  • The joy of consumerism
  • Outright nastiness
  • Slapstick comedy (I don’t find it amusing)
  • Deceit
  • Bullying
  • And the list goes on…

All the more reason, I guess, to spend this month working to explore and understand my own soul – and exactly what makes it tick.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Monday, September 5, 2016

#BlogElul: Search


As a single New Yorker who works more than full-time, writes and edits on a freelance basis, volunteers and fundraises for my soapbox cause, runs a household, and tries to have a life, I find myself constantly and repeatedly searching for these things:

1. Patience

2. Perspective

3. Fewer judgmental tendencies

4. Food for my soul -- and time to feed it

5. Balance

6. Ways to ward off stress and negativity

7. Professional camaraderie and companionship

8. Time and vulnerability to write

9. Reasons to smile – and people to smile at

Unfortunately, Google is no help here. This search is work I must do myself – now and into the new year.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Sunday, September 4, 2016

#BlogElul: Act


August 17 marked 44 years since we Hermans moved into our beloved house at 12 Webster Road in Somerset.

In the days that followed, Amy and I met the neighborhood kids – the Clancys, the Toths, the Wards, the Kellys, the Bouridimoses, and the Luftglasses – and joined them in the bike-riding, game-playing escapades that would define much of the rest of our childhood.

By the end of the month, I’d already been invited to Susan Luftglass’ 9th birthday party. Today is 44 years since that pool party, and I have never forgotten her birthday or her gracious act to include me -- the new kid on the block -- in her celebration.

Of course we all miss the mark from time to time, but when we do, may acts like Susan’s – with their decades-long staying power – help balance the ledgers within our souls.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Saturday, September 3, 2016

#BlogElul: Prepare

I recently spent a week visiting my Aunt Claire in the senior community where she lives in the Midwest. It’s no surprise that her closest friends are a lot like her – vibrant, engaged, engaging, fun, and interesting. I enjoyed meeting and socializing with them during my week-long visit.

By Wednesday, I had a realization: “I’m different here than in New York,” I said.

“What do you mean?”

“I smile, chat, engage – and participate in real conversations here. It’s well worth the effort and it doesn’t feel like work at all.”

“At home, I don’t even know half the people who work in my office – or anything about them -- and on some days, the most interactive exchanges I have are with the cashier who rings me up in Duane Reade or the guy who tosses my salad at lunchtime.

I know New York’s a tough place to live, but as Elul descends and I prepare to take an accounting of my soul, I hope to open it up to new beauty, goodness, kindness, decency, humor, integrity, meaning, and more. Amidst the endless chatter and noise and self-centeredness that emanate from everywhere and everyone, I not only want to seek out the beauty, goodness, kindness, decency, humor, integrity, and meaning I know are out there, I want to be touched and enriched by these things – and to touch and enrich others with them as well.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima,this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Sunday, August 28, 2016

How to Play Jewish Geography in the Midwest…Again


As though playing Jewish geography with Rabbi Jason Miller wasn’t enough, I also got to play the game with Fox Run residents Rhoda and Hank Fleischer, when they came to my Aunt Claire’s for tea one afternoon during my visit.

The story of how Aunt Claire connected with them is itself a Jewish geography story extraordinaire.

Gregarious, warm, and outgoing, Aunt Claire readily introduces herself to anyone she doesn’t recognize. When she did so with the Fleischers, new to Fox Run, a conversation along these lines ensued:
Aunt Claire: “Where are you from?”

Rhoda: “I’m originally from the Bronx.”

Aunt Claire: “I am too! We lived off the Grand Concourse.”

Rhoda: “So did we. Where did you go to school?”

Aunt Claire: “P.S. 70.”

Rhoda: “I did too!”

Aunt Claire: “What’s your maiden name?”
Rhoda: “Brotman.”

Aunt Claire: “Rhoda Brotman! We were in the same class from kindergarten through junior high school!”

Rhoda: “Claire Skaletzky! You played the violin!”
A few days later, Rhoda produced a copy of her sixth grade class photo with none other than my Aunt Claire sitting a few seats away!

Although my Jewish geography encounter isn’t nearly as exciting, it deserves a spot on this blog nonetheless.

When I met them, the Fleishers asked where I worked, When I told them, Rhoda said her father’s sister, Lenore, had married a rabbi, Howard Greenstein, z’l. Although I didn’t know him personally, I do know that his son, Micah, is the rabbi in the Reform congregation in Memphis.

Yes, they told me, but they’d lost touch with the family a number of years ago. I was able to give them contact information for Micah, and they are eager to reconnect and, most of all, see how Lenore is doing.

Ah, Jewish geography….

Thursday, August 25, 2016

How to Play Jewish Geography in the Midwest


I know four people in the Detroit area: my Aunt Claire, who lives at Fox Run in Novi; West Bloomfielders Judy and Allan Tushman, part of my URJ family from the old days; and Rabbi Jason Miller, a two-time faculty member from Beyond Walls: Spiritual Writing at Kenyon, who lives in Farmington Hills.

I’ve been visiting with my Aunt Claire here in the Great Lakes state since Sunday. On Tuesday, we had lunch with Judy and Allan at a scenic spot overlooking Union Lake. It was great to catch up with them and play a little Jewish geography.

But it was nothing like the Jewish geography we played today.

Today, Jason stopped by for a quick visit. When he came into Aunt Claire’s apartment, he said it looked just like the one in which his wife’s grandmother had lived here at Fox Run. Further in, he perused the array of family pictures in the living room, asking me who was who.

“This is my cousin Marc,” I said, pointing to a wedding photo of Marc and his wife Susan.

“What’s his last name?”

“Glasser,” I said, “Same as my aunt.”

“I know him,” Jason said. “He’s my congregant.”

“I thought you don’t have a congregation…”

As it turns out, my friend has a part-time position as the visiting rabbi at B’nai Israel in Sylvania, Ohio, about an hour south of this area, where my cousin and his family live. Jason’s there every fifth or sixth Shabbat, for the High Holidays, and other festivals and celebrations throughout the year.

Examining the photos further, he identified Marc’s kids, Carolyn and Brian, and before long Jason and Aunt Claire were talking about Feige, the congregation’s b’nai mitzvah tutor.

I’ve no doubt that their conversation will continue – either here in Novi or at B’nai Israel in Sylvania.

Ah, Jewish geography…

Sunday, July 31, 2016

Connecting Torah to Today's World: How Cool Is That?!


I disagree with the assertion made by many people that the stories in the Torah are not relevant to us today. Even tales that at first blush seem to have absolutely no bearing on our 21st-century lives can be unpacked and examined in ways that offer connections, lessons, applicability, or even just wonderful “aha moments.”

Two examples come immediately to mind.

On Saturday, September 11, 2010, the Torah portion was Haazinu. I know that because I remember when, during hagbah (lifting the open scroll so the congregation can see the text), the cantor who was leading the service pointed to the text. I was stunned by how the ancient portion’s two columns reflected the shape of the Twin Towers. How cool is that?!

And then last week this happened: In Philadelphia on Thursday evening, Hillary Rodham Clinton accepted her party's nomination as the candidate for president of the United States – the first time a major party has nominated a woman for the highest office in the land. An historic moment for sure. 

Two days later, we read from Parashah Pinchas about Zelophechad’s five daughters – Mahlah, Noa, Hoglah, Milcah, and Tirzah – who, having no brothers or other male heirs, asked Moses and the community to grant them a share of their father’s land as an inheritance. Unsure about an appropriate response, Moses asked God, who tells him that the women’s request is just, and so they are granted the inheritance they deserve, an historic moment that defies eons of patriarchal dominance. In this election year, these two events converged in precisely the same week. How cool is that?!

When we study these and other stories, often we can associate events in the ancient adventures of our people with the ongoing happenings in our own world – drawing out timely connections, lessons, and messages that bring new meaning, insights, and “aha moments” to our lives each week.

Saturday, July 2, 2016

Nine Great Things to Celebrate About Shabbat Sh’lach L’cha

The Jewish calendar traditionally includes four new year celebrations: Rosh HaShanah (1 Tishri),  Tu BiSh’vat (15 Sh’vat), Passover (15 Nisan), and the fiscal new year (1 Elul). 

In Reform congregations, there often is a fifth new year: July 1, the inaugural day for clergy in their new pulpits, otherwise known as Yom Hadash HaRav (and if I didn’t get the order or syntax of these Hebrew words quite right, I’m sure one of my rabbi and/or Hebrew-speaking friends will let me know -- and I'll fix them).

Welcoming the newest member of the clergy team, Rabbi Joel Mosbacher, and his wife, Elyssa, last night and this morning, coupled with the long Independence Day holiday weekend, made my own Shabbat feel infused with more than the usual joy and celebration. Here are nine things I enjoyed this Shabbat:
  1. Watching the reenactment of conversations among the 12 spies, which was provided by 12 volunteers from last night’s congregation. 

  2. Hearing the beautiful arrangement of Shehecheyanu, offered by the congregation's cantors at this special moment in the life of the Shaaray Tefila community.

  3. Learning from my newest teacher, Rabbi Mosbacher, that, except for requests for peace, we don’t offer petitionary prayers on Shabbat – for the simple reason that God is resting, and so should we. 

  4. Meeting Elyssa Mosbacher, only to have her say, “Jane Herman – I read your pieces all the time…and I recognize you from your photo.”

  5. Singing “America the Beautiful” – much better than “The Star-Spangled Banner” -- as the service’s closing song.

  6. Meeting Lori Greenberg at the oneg Shabbat and giving her a dollar bill to ensure her safe travel to Israel for her first visit there!

  7. Wondering how some Jews can reconcile this despicable behavior – executed with yarmulke and tzitzit in place? – with the commandment from this week’s portion: to
  8. “look at it [the fringe] and recall all the commandments of the Eternal and observe them, so you do not follow your heart and eyes in your lustful urge. Thus you shall be reminded to observe all My commandments and to be holy to your God.”
    I didn’t have the chutzpah to ask the question in Torah study, but would like to know...

  9. Basking in the glorious weather – and some rosé on the roof deck of my sister’s apartment building. Yes, sure, it rained last night (OK, it poured), but today dawned sunny, clear, and bright, with wonderfully low humidity and a perfect breeze.

  10. Reading, writing, and resting. (’Rithmatic isn’t my forte, and I generally don’t enjoy it, least of all on Shabbat!) 
What did you enjoy doing this Shabbat?

Sunday, June 26, 2016

How Just the Right Prompt Prompts Me to Write

A few months ago, a friend told me about The Mix, a network of Hearst publications that accepts contributions from a community of writers based on daily prompts provided by the publications' editors.

I applied immediately, but didn't hear anything one way or the other. Recently, I received word that my request to join and my writing samples are under review, and that I've been added to the community as a subscriber, meaning I can see the story prompts, but can't yet respond to them.

Thus far, these are among the prompts I've seen:
  • I Didn't Realize I Had Triplets/Twins
  • Student Loans Are Taking Over My Life
  • I Was/Am A Sex Addict
  • I'm Obsessed With Instagram
  • I Have Royal Roots
  • Stop Judging Me For Having Money
At the moment, it's just fine that I can't respond because, quite honestly, I don't have much to say about any of them. 

With these prompts, it would be an entirely different story:
  • Why I Removed My Two Perfectly Healthy Breasts 
  • I'm Obsessed with Fountain Pens and Writing Paper
  • Yes, Really, I'm Fine Without Kids
  • I'm A Single-Tasker In A Multi-Tasking World
  • Why I Balance My Checkbook to the Penny Every Month
  • I've Never Colored or Straightened My Hair...And I'm Not About To Start Now
Would that The Mix offered prompts like these, I'd be submitting a story a day.  How about it, The Mix...what do you say?

Monday, May 16, 2016

That Time When Uncle Irv Came to Torah Study


I think it might have been the ripe, red strawberries on Cantor Dubinsky's milestone birthday cake that brought Uncle Irv to Torah study last Shabbat.

During minyan, she'd chanted from Kedoshim, beginning with verse 23:
When you enter the land and plant any tree for food, you shall regard its fruit as forbidden. Three years it shall be forbidden for you, not to be eaten. In the fourth year all its fruit shall be set aside for jubilation before the Eternal; and only in the fifth  year may you use its fruit -- that its yield to you may be increased. I the Eternal am your God.
After we'd all enjoyed the cake and the celebration, our Torah study conversation started with a discussion of trees and fruit -- and the difference between letting ripe fruit drop to the ground versus not letting it grow in the first place. All of a sudden, it was as though Uncle Irv was sitting next to me in that already crowded classroom. I remembered the bed of strawberries Amy and I planted and watered under his firm tutelage -- with a row of alternating marigolds and bachelor buttons in front, one way organic gardeners keep the bunnies away.

How excited we were when green shoots, followed by vines and then small white flowers finally appeared. And, oh how disappointed when he instructed us to nip off every last one of the delicate, yellow-centered flowers.

"Why??" we whined, less than thrilled by the whole gardening thing he was trying to teach us. According to Uncle Irv, it would ensure a bountiful crop of sweet berries in a few years.

Who knew we were learning Torah right there in the backyard?

Sunday, May 1, 2016

How You Can Help Me Give Back to the BRCA Community

I’ve been telling and re-telling my family’s BRCA story for nearly six years now, and with each re-telling there are new pieces and evolving elements to incorporate into the narrative.
However, there are three parts of the account that never change:
  1. Diagnosed as a BRCA mutation carrier at age 47, I am thankful each and every day that even at that age, I was able to become a “previvor.” By taking action to protect my health, I prevented my genetic predisposition to cancer from determining my destiny.
  2. As a result of my experience, BRCA awareness, particularly in families like mine where the presence of a cancer-causing hereditary mutation may not be blatant, has become my “soapbox issue.” I will talk about it with anyone and everyone because you just never know when you might change the trajectory of someone’s life or that of their family.
  3. None of this important and, yes, sacred work would be possible without the incredible support I received from FORCE: Facing Our Risk of Cancer Empowered, a national not-for-profit organization that provides support, evidence-based resources, and a community of people who have been affected by hereditary cancer.
I’m proud to be giving back to the organization that has given me so much. Currently, i volunteer as one of two Peer Support Group Leaders for the NYC FORCE group, and as a Research Advocate, which means I’ve been specially trained to engage in research advocacy on behalf of the hereditary breast and ovarian cancer community.
In addition to sharing my time, energy, and experience as a BRCA mutation carrier, I support FORCE financially. Although asking my family and friends for an annual donation is not among my favorite activities, I know you appreciate how important this organization and this work are – not just to me, but to all of us in the hereditary cancer community. With your help – at whatever level you choose – I can reach my goal of $500, which will help FORCE continue to provide vital support and myriad resources to individuals and families affected by hereditary cancer.
Thank you. I am grateful for your friendship and for your support of this important cause in my life.