#BlogElul 5781: Want

 

I intended to #BlogElul, I anticipated I would, and, most of all, I want to do it.

Somehow, though, it took me six days into the month to get the ball rolling.

And that’s okay.

Recently, to help me with my apartment move, I worked with a personal organizer, from whom I learned this adage: Done is better than perfect.

I’ve heard a similar sentiment many times before as this maxim, most commonly attributed to Voltaire: Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.

No matter who said it or the exact wording, it’s an idea I want to carry with me into the new year.

Sure, perfect is great—especially for this fusspot who’s hardest on herself—but in 5782, I want to try to ease up, even just a little, and keep in mind that sometimes, done is good enough.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima , this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precede the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serve as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

When Someone in the Family is #TragicallyJewish

My sister sometimes texts my dad and me pictures of herself before she heads out to teach The Art of Perception. I’ve started to follow her lead – mostly to connect with them both each morning.

Today, our thread started with this photo:

Daddy: Good morning. Fetching, as usual. Off to minyan? L.D.

Me: Yup. How was the new rabbi?

Daddy: She conducted a lovely, low-key service. She is very effective & I think only good things about her. Have a good day. L.D.

Me: So, I should plan to come for YK?

Daddy: If you wish, but we have time to talk about it. L.D.

Me: Indeed.

My Sister: I just woke up. Why are we talking about Yom Kippur? I am going to have breakfast.


Me: 

Daddy: I dunno. JEH likes to get her calendar in order early, I suppose. Have a good day & stay cool. L.D.

Me: My temple already sent info re: tix and choosing services. I’d rather fast forward right to Columbus Day. (Yes, I admit this is not a terribly #TragicallyJewish statement, but it is true. I would rather attend services 50 weeks of the year and skip the HHDs entirely. Anyone else?)

Daddy: YK is not until Oct. 9. (I wonder if he knew that off the top of his head or if he had to look it up.) We can talk about it. Not to worry. L.D.

5 Reasons I’m Not Participating in #BlogElul This Year

Dear #BlogElul,

I’m glad you’re here and I hope a lot of people blog for you this year, but I’m not going to be one of them. As I told someone who asked me recently about doing a freelance editing job that she needed turned around quickly, “I am on overload...and I can't take on one more thing.”

I #BloggedElul (#BlogEluled? #BlogElulled?) consistently and completely in 2016 and 2017 and it was a meaningful exercise each time, but here are five reasons I’ve opted not to participate this year.

1. When Rosh HaShanah arrives, I’m exhausted. I spend the weeks leading up to the High Holidays writing and editing countless blog posts and lots of web content for ReformJudaism.org. Add in #BlogElul and by the time the first of Tishrei arrives, I have little, if any, spiritual bandwidth left to do the work the holidays require. 


2. I need more downtime. Blogging well (and the over achiever in me likes to think my posts are well done) takes lots of thought and time. Ironically, I wrote this in a #BlogElul post in 2016: “As we begin a new week – the last one of 5776 – may I begin to see with my 5777 eyes: less judgmentally, more compassionately, less harshly, and more patiently. Even as my eyesight and my heart soften, may I also begin to say “no,” so there can be time in my life for me – to read, write, think, or just be alone with my soul.”


3. I am tired of multi-tasking. Often, I eat a meal at the computer; flit back and forth between paying bills and reading emails; start a task, get distracted (usually by technology), and only return to it hours later. On video calls at work, too, I'm baffled by people's ability to listen to whomever is speaking, ask questions, offer opinions, keep abreast of (and participate in) side conversations in the chat box, and read related articles, websites, and more, the links to which others constantly share. I. Can't. Do. It. All. I want enough time to focus on one thing at a time, including #BlogElul –– and to do it without distractions and without interruptions.


4. One a.m. is not a suitable bedtime. Two nights each week I work out with a trainer. It is simultaneously grounding, invigorating, and physically exhausting. By the time I shower, eat, and take care of whatever else demands attention, it is often much later than I’d like. I’ve been striving for lights-out at 10:30 p.m. on those nights – and on the nights in between – and I'd like to hit that mark at least a few times a week.


5. “Let’s get together soon” has become an empty promise. Recently, I’ve run into a few neighbors and emailed with some former colleagues whose company I enjoy. We chat or email briefly before the conversation inevitably ends with “Let’s get together soon.” Sadly, it rarely happens. I want time and energy to fulfill those empty promises -- and others -- with face-to-face companionship.

I think the bottom line here is that I need and want to slow down, to stop burning the candle at both ends, to focus – one at a time (and in a non-selfish way) – on people and activities I know will be fulfilling and meaningful to me, and perhaps even have time to discover some new ones as well. I believe that doing so will lead to less frustration, fewer empty promises, more sleep, and more enjoyment of simple pleasures, all of which will help me be my best self in 5779.

Shana tova , #BlogElul… see you next year,
~ JanetheWriter

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post may be the only one I write marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

My Takeaway From This High Holiday Season

Many times, in recent weeks -- for a variety of reason -- I found myself thinking, “Ughhh, I’ve had it with the Jewish people,” and as the High Holidays drew closer, I found myself less and less inclined to attend the marathon of services I knew was around the corner.

Tonight, in an email, a friend asked, “I am curious if you eventually did sit out all the Holy Days. If so, how did that work for you? If not did you find worship satisfying?"

Here’s what I told him:

I sat out erev Rosh HaShanah and the first day. I did, however, attend the second day, the service at which I am honored each year with an opportunity to chant Torah. Usually my dad comes with me to that service, but with his imminent move (the packers are coming tomorrow, the movers on Tuesday) that wasn't feasible this year. However, he was able to watch the live stream, which he enjoyed quite a bit.

I did not attend any Yom Kippur services, but I did watch a bit of the live stream from Shaaray Tefila, including yesterday's sermon, as well as some of the Facebook live stream from my parents' congregation in New Jersey. I was OK not attending services and felt as though I was taking care of me, which is something I don't do very well or very often. Also, as a regular minyan-goer, I know that prayer is not easy and that it takes hard work. With everything else going on at the moment, I did not have the bandwidth necessary to make my worship truly meaningful.

I am looking forward to festival morning services on Sukkot and Simchat Torah, when it will be safe to go back into the sanctuary. I love Hallel -- and the switch to mashiv haruach umorid hagashem. After that, things will go back to "normal" in our weekly minyan -- and we'll start all over again with B'reishit in Torah study.

But first, our family will close the door for the last time at 12 Webster Road on Tuesday, after which I think I'll have a huge sense of relief that the stress, anxiety, and anticipation surrounding the move will finally be a thing of the past for all of us. I hope that we'll all enjoy wonderful new beginnings and many celebrations in 5778.

In his response, my friend shared a perspective I had not previously considered: “What a great reflection on skipping what many Jews do, and what joyful anticipation of doing what many Jews don't!” Regarding my dad’s move from our childhood home, he wrote, “In memory, 12 Webster Road will always be yours. It continues to shape the you who you are!”

Thanks to our email exchange (and the insights of my friend), I’ve arrived at my takeaway for this High Holiday season: I truly love Jewish living and learning 51 weeks of the year -- and I should revel in the joy they bring me, and not feel guilty about the rest.

#BlogElul 5777: Return

Hashiveinu Adonai eilecha v’nashuvah,
chadeish yameinu k’kedem. 

Return us to You, Adonai, and we will return;
renew our days as of old.

Tonight, whether you gather with friends and family around a festive table, bask in the quietude of a well-deserved respite from hectic, or something in between, when you return home, may your heart and soul be open to the possibilities of the year to come and may its days fill each of us and the world with abundant joy, contentment, and peace.

L’shanah tovah u’metukah!

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima , this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precede the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serve as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul 5777: Give (Up)

When I was a young adult, a kid whose interfaith family belonged to our temple asked her mom if she could give up Hebrew school for Lent.

Her sentiment resonates with me.

More than opting out of some of this year’s High Holiday services, though, I need to give up the guilt that seems to go hand-in-hand with opting out. In fact, I need to give up all the guilt and pressure and judgment and reproach I regularly and all too harshly impose upon myself about, well, nearly everything.

I’m not quite sure how to do this giving up, or even where to start, but I do believe that turning away from guilt and reproach and blame and shame will help me point myself toward being a better, more fulfilled, and less anxious person in the new year.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima , this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precede the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serve as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul 5777: Bless

L’chi lach to a land that I will show you
Lech l’cha to a place you do not know
L’chi lach on your journey I will bless you
And you shall be a blessing L’chi lach

What does it mean to be a blessing?

I’m not entirely sure, but I think I got a taste of it this morning, when I arrived at Penn Station so early that I had time to pop into the Starbucks across the street for an iced coffee. As I sipped the coffee and watched the passing scene, a well-dressed young man came in and sat next to me just as he was finishing a call.

“Yeah, so this middle aged white guy stopped me and asked about how to get to MoMA. You think you’re being helpful, but I think he was distracting me because next time I checked, my wallet was gone. I stopped all the credit cards, but I have no ID and no cash. Thanks for your help…I’ll figure it out. Bye.

Then, he kept trying to reach people on his cell phone, but, unfortunately, he kept getting voice mail.

“Hi, it’s me. You’re probably still sleeping, and I know it’s a long shot, but please let me know if you’re coming into Manhattan today. Call me when you get this message.”

“Hi, Jen, it’s your brother. If there’s any chance you’re coming into the city today, please let me know. It’s a long story, but I need $!6 or $17 to get a train ticket. Love you.

This went on for three or four more calls, and with each one he became more distraught.

Imagining myself in his position, I would like to think someone might just hand me $20 so I could be on my way.

So, that’s what I did, telling him my hope.

“Can I at least mail it back to you so I don’t feel so embarrassed?”

“Don’t be embarrassed. This wasn’t your fault,” I said, as I gave him my card.

“Hi, Jane. I’m Steve…thanks so much. We’ll sure be talking about you at the dinner table tonight.

And then he was gone…back on his way to wherever he was headed in the first place.

Whether or not I hear from him, I so want to believe I was a blessing, and not part of a scam.

Maybe I was, and maybe I wasn’t; and I may never know.

L’chi lach and I shall make your name great
Lech l’cha and all shall praise your name
L’chi lach to the place that I will show you
L’simchat chayim L’chi lach
And you shall be a blessing L’chi each

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima , this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precede the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serve as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul 5777: Create

Creating a better me in the new year is a matter of more of some things, less of others.

More this:

• Listening
• Compassion
• Smiling
• Critical thinking
• Speaking up
• Slowing down
• Patience

And less this:

• Judging
• Eye-rolling
• Negativity
• Exasperation
• Anxiety
• Stewing
• Worrying
• Guilt

At this time next year, I’d like to look back and see that I successfully created a balance that incorporates: taking care of myself; being a good sister, daughter, niece, aunt, friend, and citizen; and doing my part to build a better world.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima , this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precede the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serve as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul 5777: Change

Is it possible to reconcile these two ideas?

1. People don’t change; they just become more of who they are.
2. The High Holidays give us an opportunity to take an accounting of our souls and make changes  in ourselves.

If it’s not impossible, it certainly isn’t easy…just like the work of this season.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima , this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precede the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serve as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul 5777: Hope

“When the world says, ‘Give up,’ Hope whispers, ‘Try it one more time.’”
-- The Little Mermaid

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima , this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precede the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serve as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul 5777: Begin

Photo: Flickr user @sufeco/CC

My High Holiday season begins in July, when the URJ’s communications team starts planning updates and new content for the ReformJudaism.org website and blog. I’ve been reading, writing, and editing High Holiday material since August. At this point, I can spell S’lichot, Un’taneh Tokef, and Shanah tovah um’tukah in my sleep – with all the apostrophes in the right places.

After so many weeks and countless submissions, coupled with these nightly #BlogElul posts, I’m weary, and but for the fasting, I feel as though I’ve already done much of the spiritual heavy lifting the season demands.

Piggybacking on an idea from a friend and colleague, I’m pondering the possibility of beginning some personal High Holiday traditions (and refining others I began last year) that will give me some balance – and a respite from the Jewish people. As others rush to squish into pews, folding chairs, and theater seats in congregations and other venues the world over, I may opt to sleep in, have a leisurely breakfast, take a walk, read, ponder, reflect, appreciate, nap, and enjoy some much-needed quietude. I may do so on Rosh HaShanah only or, save for the leisurely breakfast, on Yom Kippur, too. Maybe on the erevs, maybe not. As my father is fond of saying (and you know he has an expression for everything), “I’ll see how the spirit moves me.”

Ultimately, I suspect that this bit of self-care – of which there never seems to be enough – may be just what I need to wipe the slate clean, turn over a new leaf, and begin to be my best self (or at least a better self) in the new year. And after all, isn’t that what this season is all about?

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima , this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precede the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serve as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul 5777: End

We’re approaching the end of an era at 12 Webster Road and my heart aches. Just typing these words makes me teary, even though I know the most important things in life aren’t, in fact, things or spaces. Nonetheless, I (ever emotional, reminiscent, and sensitive) am sad.

But, in a renewed effort to make lemonade from lemons, I am reminded that we’ll also see the end of:

1. Daddy waiting up until 4 a.m. for the plow guy to clear the driveway after a heavy snowstorm
2. A neighbor who doesn’t respect boundaries (or forsythia bushes)
3. Watching the house next door dilapidate
4. Worry about every creak and leak, the water spots, the water heater, and the banging in the wall we sometimes hear when the toilet flushes

As Maria says as she sets off from the abbey, bound for the Von Trapp home, “When the Lord closes a door, somewhere He opens a window.” Although this window, of course, belongs to Daddy, I think it offers all of us a nice view into a new phase of his life – and our life as a family.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima , this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precede the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serve as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul 5777: Love

I love this kid...

and I can't wait to spend more time with him in the new year.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima , this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precede the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serve as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul 5777: Fill

Here are nine reasons to recognize and remember my cup is filled, even (and especially) on the days it doesn’t feel as though it runneth over.

1. A longtime job with generous health and other benefits.
2. Longtime friends from all parts of my life.
3. Family that still enjoys being together – even as we drive each other nuts by being ourselves.
4. Coffee, including a Dunkin’ Donuts gift card that gets refilled for me from time to time.
5. More books than I can hope to finish anytime soon.
6. A synagogue community and weekly services that ground me. (They’d understand my desire to disappear right about now and resurface just in time to shake the lulav and breathe in the sweet scent of the etrog.)
7. A newfound love of learning to lift weights and box (yes, you read that correctly) – activities that also ground me.
8. A more than adequate roof over my head and a home that is a quiet refuge from the noise and other challenges of NYC living.
9. Knowledge of a genetic flaw and the wherewithal to act in a timely way to ensure it didn’t take my life, as well as a willingness and ability to use those experiences to support others who are on a similar path behind me.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima , this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precede the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serve as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul 5777: Awaken

We’re more than halfway through Elul and until last night, I hadn’t yet heard the sound of the shofar. Its daily blasts during the month are supposed to awaken us and serve as a signal to get busy with the annual accounting of our soul that precedes the High Holidays. (When I lived in Los Angeles, where we could reach out the window and touch the building next door, a neighbor’s daily shofar blasts awakened me -- quite literally -- each day during Elul.)

Thank goodness, I’m back in New York, and thank goodness, too, there’s technology that let me watch a recording of a live stream from earlier in the day of cantorial student (and Shaaray Tefila's cantorial intern) Leah Shafritz’s fourth-year practicum. Her work focused on traditional Rosh HaShanah music and I enjoyed not only her beautiful voice and the melodies, but also her commentaries that accompanied each piece.

Toward the end of the practicum, she called for each of the four traditional shofar blasts – te’ki’ah, a long blast with one or two notes; sh’va’rim, three medium blasts, two tones each;te’ru’ah, nine short, staccato blasts; and te’ki’ah g’do’lah, an extra-long single blast – which were fulfilled, one by one, by someone out of range of the video camera. Nonetheless, as they always do, those blasts resonated in my kishkes (intestines), awakening me – even if not literally – to the forthcoming Days of Awe, and to the spiritual work surrounding them.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima , this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precede the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serve as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul 5777: Pray

Last week, I received an email from a publicist inquiring if I would like a review copy of the new and updated edition of the The Book of Blessings by Marcia Falk. I jumped at the chance to acquire a copy of a book that has long been on my wish list.

As if in synch with #BlogElul, the book – full of poems, blessings, and prayers – arrived today, when the daily prompt is “pray.” How fitting.

It is late and I am tired, but even a quick perusal of the book’s pages tells me it overflows with spiritual beauty and sustenance. Its words, carefully strung together, form an intricate lattice that helps us reach our souls, our hearts, our God.

There is much exploring to do amidst its pages, but tonight, now, this is the blessing I pray:

Blessing Before Going to Sleep

Sleep descending
on my lids,
on my limbs,

I call to mind
the gifts
of the day—

the gift
of this day—
and give thanks.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima , this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precede the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serve as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul 5777: Intend: A Haiku

I did not intend
To get caught up in late work
Oh, those kvetchy Jews

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima , this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precede the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serve as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul 5777: Seven Things to Learn in the New Year

As a lifelong learner, I’d like to learn (at least) these seven things in the new year. Some of them, in fact, may take a lifetime to learn.

1. It’s not personal, even if it feels that way.
2. I cannot control everything, but I can control my reactions.
3. Don’t worry until it’s necessary.
4. Life isn’t always fair.
5. Good guys don’t always win.
6. Not everyone who leads is a leader.
7. At the end of the day, leave the day behind.

Time to get busy!

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima , this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precede the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serve as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul 5777: Remember

Photo: Flickr user @Heartlover1717/CC

It’s relatively easy to write about kindness and forgiveness and trust and understanding. It’s much harder to remember to do them.

May I remember to be kind, even when I’m frustrated.

May I remember to forgive, even when the sting of being wronged still burns.

May I remember to trust, even when I must also remember that we’re on the same team.

May I remember to be understanding, even when we don’t see eye to eye.

May I remember to be compassionate, even when I’m angry.

May I remember to be accepting, even when I don’t understand.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima , this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precede the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serve as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

#BlogElul 5777: Count

Terry and I did a lot of counting today:

1. We started with six bagels at the bagel store…plus one freebie for a total of seven.
2. We each had one cup of coffee with our bagel, the first of the day for me, the second for Terry. I added a second (iced, this time) while we visited with my sister at Union Square.
3. Perusing the Washington Square Outdoor Art Exhibit, I bought a solo print – Snow, SoHo, NYC – and three framed prints of New Yorker magazine covers, including the classic View of the World from 9^th Avenue.
4. Next, we landed at Think Coffee for more caffeinating and catching up. I had my third cup of the day (again, iced), and Terry had a caramel latte, topped with a lacy swirl of steamed milk.
5. Caffeinated, we strolled across 13^th Street to Barraca on Greenwich Avenue, where we shared four different tapas dishes – bombas,croquetas de jamon, broccoli a la catalina, and bruselas – and washed it all down with two bottles of Estrella Damm , a mellow Spanish beer.
6. Our counting and calculating got a bit more complicated when we returned home and got to work hanging the three framed prints over the couch. Even with a tape measure, a ruler, and a math major, it took us – two fussbudgets – a few tries to get it all just so. It also took more than three nails – we lost count of the actual number – because I’m no Bob Vila when it comes to using a hammer. By the end of the evening though, I was pleased at how the triptych warmed up the room.
7. Terry’s counting on me to go it alone in finding a frame for the print of a city snow scene, and expects it to be tidily hung by the time she returns in 12 months for our annual Labor Day weekend visit in 2018. 

In the meantime, I know I can count on her love, support, acceptance, and friendship – and she on mine – in the coming year. After all, they’re things we have offered each other unconditionally throughout the last 36 years. God willing, we’ll continue to do so for at least another 36 years, when we’ll be 90, counting the many blessings in our 72-year friendship.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima , this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precede the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serve as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.