#BlogElul: Looking for Love

As someone who has yet to stumble upon my bashert, I'm always interested to learn how individuals who are one half of a loving couple met originally. Answers often include:  in college, online, at a bar, at a singles' event, sitting next to each other on a plane or train, or fixed up by a mutual friend.

Funny, nobody ever says, "I met my bashert on Craigslist."

That idea got me to thinking...

Cue the dreamy, I'm-leaving-reality music...

 

Dear Craigslist,

I know that in addition to making matches between buyers and sellers of furniture, apartments, cars and jobs, among other things, you’ve also got quite a reputation as a forum for people in search of casual sex, friends with benefits and no-strings attached relationships, none of which is of interest to me. However, tired of waiting around for someone to fix me up, and frustrated with Jdate, match.com, eharmony and other more traditional online and offline venues for finding someone for a date (and maybe, just maybe, a great relationship over time), I’m turning to you in the hopes that you might be able to help me out here.   

1. I’m 51, so when I say “fifty-something” or “age appropriate,” I don’t mean 28 and I don’t mean 63. Fifty to 57 would be great.
2. I’m Jewish and although not religious in the traditional sense, it is an important part of my life in a liberal sort of way. Therefore, Jewish guys who still retain some attachment (even if it’s mostly cultural) to their heritage are most desirable.
3. Although I’m not looking to get married again (at least not at the moment), I also am not interested in meeting guys who already are married or are not quite divorced. It would be great if you could limit your selections for me to guys who are fully divorced, widowed or single, in that order.
4. I don’t have a specific “type” in mind when it comes to guys and I don’t much care about hair color, eye color or that sort of thing. At the same time, at 5’5”, I do appreciate guys who are at least 5’7” or 5'8". Please feel free to let your pool of candidates know that I’m height and weight proportionate (and stay that way with the help of the treadmill nearly every other day). I’ve got long, curly auburn hair, brown eyes and a great smile. I will be happy to send a recent picture (in which I am wearing neither baseball cap nor sunglasses) to serious suitors once we’ve exchanged a few emails and I expect that they’ll do the same.
5. Much more important to me than looks, though, is that you do your best to send me a mensch. Of course I don’t expect perfection (I’m old enough and seasoned enough to know that it only exists in fairy tales and the movies), but I would love to spend time getting to know someone who is honest, gentle and kind, seriously interested in finding the right somebody and not into playing games. I don’t really care about how much money he makes, whether or not he travels annually to the Caribbean or how many electronic gadgets he owns. Speaking of electronic gadgets, though, if we do decide to meet and chat over coffee or a drink (my preference for a first get-together), it’d be nice if he’d turn off his phone and wait until later to check his messages and emails.
6. I live and work in Manhattan and would like to meet a “local” guy. I’m also am open to guys who live in the other four boroughs, as well as close by in Westchester and New Jersey. However, Florida, Maine, and upstate New York are a bit out of the question. Some consideration of geographic boundaries would be greatly appreciated.
7. I know that these are tough economic times, but gainful, satisfying employment is a big plus as are solo living quarters unless, of course, the guy shares space with his kids – either full-time or part-time. (Although I don’t have any of my own and am way too old to have any in the future--I’m 51, after all—I’m definitely open to having other people’s kids in my life and hope that the guy you send me has a positive, loving relationship with his.) 
8. Although I don’t expect a response that rivals the Great American Novel, I do appreciate a few thoughtful, carefully written sentences about the guy you’re sending me. I’d love for him to tell me a bit about himself and his life, as well as what positive attributes he’d bring to a meaningful long-term relationship. Most undesirable in the response category are one-liners, canned text, photos with no words (and no shirts), and the totally out-of-context imperative “call me” with a phone number.
9. I know you won’t necessarily send me a guy who’s a carbon copy of me (that’d be boring), but it would be great if he and I had some shared values. (I know, I know…this is Craigslist. What am I thinking?!) High on my list are smarts, honesty, integrity, intellectual curiosity, kindness, family, friends and other things money can’t buy. Please don't send me guys who lie, steal or cheat.
10. Lastly, to make this thing really work, I hope you’ll be able to send me someone with whom I have that all elusive chemistry. Ideally, we’ll have an emotional, intellectual and physical spark that together we can coax into a wonderfully warm and glowing relationship that keeps us both from having to be in touch with you again for a long time to come (unless we’ve got an old desk or dining room table to sell!). 

Craigslist, I know that I may be asking for a lot here, but I’m optimistic that with these explicit instructions you may be able to come through for me, helping me bump into my bashert in the new year. Thanks for your careful consideration of my requests. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

~ JanetheWriter

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this #BlogElul post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year. 

Go With Your Gut…the Kishkes Know: A #BlogElul Post

When she was younger, my sister used to say that when it came to choosing an apartment, a job, or a man, she’d just know if it was right on the first walk-through, the first interview, or the first date. She’d feel it in her gut.

I, too, have found that often I know the answer to tough questions because I feel it in my gut. However, it’s one thing to feel it, and another to listen—especially if your gut is telling you he isn’t your bashert, this isn’t your dream job, or the apartment’s not the right one for you.

With time I’ve learned not only to feel what’s in my gut, but also to listen to what that feeling is telling me—even if it’s a message I don’t necessarily want to hear.  In 5774, may I have occasion to use these skills and, most of all, may I use them well.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Who Wants to Marry a Jew, Anyway?

The title of a recent JTA article asks these two questions:

1. Why do Jews intermarry?
2. Who wants to marry a Jew, anyway?

The answer to the first question has been studied extensively and, according to the article has much to do with assimilation, age at the time of marriage and, according to some, philo-Semitism.  Personally, I believe there are as many reasons for intermarriage as there are intermarried Jews.

From my perspective, the answer to the second question seems to be much simpler:  I want to marry a Jew.  (OK, having been down the marriage path once, I’m not necessarily looking to go down it again, but if there’s going to be a significant other in my life, I’d like him to be Jewish.)  

At 50, my desire has nothing to do with raising Jewish kids, although if he’s got a few, that’s fine with me.  Rather, it’s about finding a companion who, like me, not only sees the world through a liberal Jewish lens, but understands, appreciates and enjoys the view.

In my mind’s eye, he’ll chuckle when I tell him about the time I Googled chevre to confirm the spelling and was surprised to get a list of results about “goat cheese.”

When we discuss the movie 42, he’ll understand my reference to Nachshon ben Aminadav and why a comparison with Jackie Robinson seems apt.

When it’s his turn to suggest a movie, maybe he’ll pick Fill the Void, not because it’s one he thinks I’d enjoy, but because it’s one he really wants to see.

The same goes for Deborah Feldman’s next book-signing.  Not only will he go with me, he’ll borrow my newly signed copy of Unorthodox to read on the train.

At some point, perhaps we’ll decide to host a Shabbat dinner together, each inviting a few of our own friends.  How nice it might be for me to light the candles, for him to recite the Kiddush and for one of our guests to do the motzi.

His company from time to time at minyan and Torah study would be terrific, too, and on the first Sunday in June, brunch could be followed by a march in the Israel Day parade.  In the fall, perhaps we’ll host a Yom Kippur break-the-fast, build a sukkah or sign up together for a Mitzvah Day project.

And on and on and on…

On good days, I’m totally optimistic that he’s out there, convinced that we just haven’t bumped into each other yet. Other times, I’m absolutely sure he doesn’t exist at all and that I’m destined to be alone for the rest of my days.

Today’s a good day…

Youthful, happily divorced city-dwelling Jewish woman with no kids, a solid job, manageable baggage, and a wide and varied circle of family, friends and interests has lots to offer the right guy:  humor, smarts, laughter, good sensibilities, emotional stability, a great smile and more.

I value family, friends, ideas, integrity, intellectual curiosity, honesty and other things money can’t buy. At this point in my life, I am seasoned enough to have made some mistakes, wise enough to have learned from them, and realistic enough to know that perfection exists only in the movies. I’m certainly not perfect and I don’t expect that you will be either, but if we’re lucky, maybe, just maybe, we’ll be perfect enough for each other (flaws and all) and can enjoy good times and good company as part of a friendship that evolves into a meaningful long-term relationship.  If any of this description sounds good to you and you’re a like-minded Jewish guy, 45-60, actively engaged in Jewish life, I look forward to hearing from you.

Apparently, hope springs eternal.

Love: A Tongue-in-Cheek Reflection for #BlogElul 18

Dear Love,

I'm exceedingly grateful to have you as part of so many of the blessings in my life. I've got loving family, supportive friends, a great synagogue community, work I enjoy, a healthy body, a comfortable home, meaningful opportunities to stretch my mind, and the list goes on... Without a doubt, my life is rich and full in countless ways.

And yet, how nice it might be if the new year were to bring a mensch around every once in a while. Perhaps we'd start with coffee, just to test the waters. If it all goes well, we might progress to dinner and a walk. If we're lucky, there'll be some common ground, lots to talk about, ample laughter, and the hope that maybe, just maybe, we're onto something good.

If by some chance, you think you might be able to help direct guys my way in the new year, I'm happy to give you a few pointers based on my previous experience writing "ads" about the type of guy I am (and most definitely am not) seeking.

Ready?  Here goes...

1. I’m 49, so when I say late 40s or “age appropriate,” I don’t mean 28 and I don’t mean 57. Forty-eight to 55 would be great.
2. I’m Jewish and although not religious in the traditional sense, being Jewish is an important part of my life in a liberal sort of way. Therefore, Jewish guys who still retain some attachment (even if it’s just cultural) to their heritage are most desirable. 
3. Although I’m not looking to get married again (at least not at the moment), I am also not interested in meeting guys who already are married or are not quite divorced. If you're going to send me guys, it would be great if you could limit your selections to those who are single, fully divorced or widowed.
4. I don’t have a specific “type” in mind when it comes to guys and I don’t much care about hair color, eye color or that sort of thing. At the same time, at 5’5”, I do appreciate guys who are at least 5’7” or 5'8". Please feel free to let your pool of candidates know that I’m height and weight proportionate (and stay that way with the help of a treadmill when I can fit it in). I’ve got long, curly auburn hair, brown eyes and a great smile.
5. Much more important to me than looks, though, is that you do your best to send me a mensch. Of course I don’t expect perfection (I’m old enough and seasoned enough to know that it exists only in fairy tales and the movies), but would love to spend time getting to know someone who is honest, gentle and kind, seriously interested in finding the right somebody and not into playing games. I don’t really care about how much money he makes, whether or not he travels annually to the Caribbean or how many electronic gadgets he owns. Speaking of electronic gadgets, though, if we do decide to meet and chat over coffee or a drink (my preference for a first get-together), it’d be nice if he’d turn off his iPhone and put it away. Having it out on the table would just be a distraction for both of us.
6. I live and work in Manhattan.  Therefore, a Manhattan guy would be great, but I'm also open to guys who live in the other four boroughs, as well as close by in Westchester or New Jersey. Florida, Maine, and upstate New York, however, are a bit out of the question. Some consideration of geographic boundaries would be greatly appreciated. 
7.  I know that these are tough economic times, but gainful employment is a big plus as are solo living quarters unless, of course, the guy shares space with his kids – either full-time or part-time. (Although I don’t have any of my own, I believe that children come into our lives in many different ways and I’m definitely open to having other people’s kids in my life.) 
8. If Mr. Right is going to write initially, please keep in mind that although I don’t expect the Great American Novel, a few brief, well written sentences about who he is, what his life looks like, and the positive attributes he'd bring to a meaningful long-term relationship would be appreciated. Most undesirable in the response category are one-liners, canned text, and photos with no words (and no shirts). 
9. Although I know that you won’t necessarily send me a guy who’s a carbon copy of me (that’d be boring), it would be great if he and I shared some values. High on my list are honesty, integrity, intellectual curiosity, ideas, family, friends and other things money can’t buy. 
10. Lastly, to make this thing really work, I hope you might be able to send me someone with whom I have that all elusive chemistry. Ideally, we’ll have an emotional, intellectual and physical spark that together we can coax into a wonderfully warm and glowing relationship. 

Love, I know this is a tall order, but as always, I'm hopeful that 5773 will be the year that I meet my bashert, and I'm counting on you to help.

xoxo,
~ JanetheWriter.

Let’s Play the Dating Game

The prompt:  This week, we want you to recall the games you played when you were young.
Did you love Monopoly, Yahtzee, or Uno? Or did you prefer backgammon, Trouble, or Scrabble?
Write a piece that explores one of your memories.
Let's have a 600 word limit.
 
Seated at the bar, but close to the door, he’d recognized her as soon as she walked in, hugged her, and motioned for her to take the empty seat next to his.  Once they settled in—he with a refill on his Ketel One, she with a sweating glass of Chardonnay--the words flowed.  It was good to put a face to the voice and to pick up where they’d left off over the phone—all without the rippling silence that often descends like fog on such first-time conversations. 

A while later, the hostess led them to a cozy corner table.  Was this chance or had he arranged it in advance?  No matter.  Their gentle dialogue was the perfect complement to the meal, and by the time they left to walk off dinner, there seemed to be a comfortable easiness between them.

“This was great,” he offered, as they approached the train station.

“It was.  Thanks again for dinner and a very enjoyable evening.”

“I’d like to do this again soon.  Give me a few days and I’ll be in touch.”

“Sure…that’d be nice.  Look forward to it.”

Another hug and he was lost in the crowd.  She headed up the block to catch the bus.

*  *  *

And so it was that she'd wasted yet another night playing the dating game.

Of course he didn’t call…they never do.

So now she plays Facebook Scrabble instead, waiting patiently for the page to reload so she can take her turn with the tiles.

Remembe(RED) is the memoir meme of The Red Dress Club.  Thanks for reading...and feel free to offer thoughts, ideas and/or constructive criticism.  I appreciate hearing what you have to say.

Is this "Punny"...or Does it Suck?

Although I’m certainly not ready to pick up my tuba and go marching in The Schmuck Parade anytime soon, I recently was inspired (OK, maybe I was just seeking an escape from “sad”) by two friends’ Facebook exchange to draft this personal ad:

Are you dating in a vacuum?!

Youthful 40-something DJF with a wide, varied and growing circle of family, friends and interests seeks S/DJM for a “meet and greet” that doesn't suck as much as a Bissell. If we’re lucky, intellectual, emotional and physical sparks (but no dust, dirt or dander) will fly and we’ll get swept up in a meaningful long-term relationship that's built slowly on trust, shared values, honesty and a gut reaction that "this is a good thing."

Desire quiet, upright, bagless (relatively little baggage) and age-appropriate Jewish guy (45-55) with attachments to family, friends and other things money can't buy. Bonus points if you know a bisel from a Hoover and retain ties to your religious upbringing that you'd be willing to share if, in fact, we find we're bashert.

To describe the exceedingly small number of replies as “dismal” would be an understatement…especially this one, which--perhaps inspired by this week’s celebration of Tu B’Av?--appears to be a particularly bad fit:

Hi:
I saw your CL post. I am on my way to work. So I will be brief.
Here is my info:
55
5'6

220

divorced dad of 5 kids (2 are married and living far away) - at home - 19b 16b 15g - 24x7

orthodox - shabbos - minyan 3x/day (usually)

mostly right wing with some deviations into the left

live in Brooklyn

Am I eligible?

What, pray tell, on God's green earth makes this guy think he's "eligible?!?" I responded with this:

Thanks, but no...you're not eligible. I'm a liberal Reform Jew and although I attend a Shabbat minyan, the chasm is just too wide.

Thanks for being in touch...good luck to you.

To which he responded:

Good Luck to You.

If you chance across an orthodox woman, mention me. Thanks.

Sure. Will do, buddy…

My Passover Match

It soon will be seder,
With friends I will dine,
Lots of good food,
And four cups of wine.
The chair next to mine will be empty that night,
But other than that, my life is just right.

We’ll retell the story,
Of fleeing the place,
Where we were held captive,
And Pharoah lost face.

The onslaught of plagues,
They were not so pretty:
Diseases and locusts,
Frogs, blood and some hail,
Oh how the Israelites wanted to bail.

Alas, I know frogs,
I’ve smooched my fair share.
But none has transformed
To a prince oh-so fair,
Just into warts, on my skin and my hair.

Of all of those kisses,
Not one’s been a hit.
I’m sad to report that most have been misses.
So I’m still alone,
And not part of a pair,
I don’t mean to kvetch,
But it doesn’t seem fair.

Where are you, my mensch?
I’m looking for thee…
Do you think you are the one for me?
I'm smart and I'm funny,
A really good catch,
Perhaps you are my Passover match?

I live on the east side, have a job I adore,
Am seeking a great guy, not asking for more.
Neither too fat nor too thin,
I'm just the right size,
With long curly hair and warm brown eyes.

You are kind and gentle, Jewish and more,
Somewhere near 50, and not a big bore.
You're seeking a woman, a smart one to boot,
To find her online, wouldn't that be a hoot?

You read the Times to get the news,
You care about Israel, what's good for the Jews.
Your family is central, you seder with them,
Some chicken, some matzah and lots of flanken.

You've got your own place, it's filled with great books,
These things are important, as much as your looks.
Your job and your friends, they all are fulfillin',
The only thing missing's a wonderful woman.

You’ll ask the four questions,
You’ll open the door,
You’ll eat lots of matzah,
Sweep the crumbs from the floor.

When the seder’s over,
And you've had your fill,
Drop me a line,
I sure hope that you will.

Answer this post,
There's no time to waste,
If you're not a good typist,
Use Word’s cut and paste.

I hope that you’ll write and tell me the score,
Tell me your name and some things you adore.
Music? The city? Movies and films?
Who are you? What do you do?
What are your dreams for love so true?

We’ll start with these, and if we’re lucky,
Things will go well and all will be ducky.
So send me a post and tell me some more,
And for you, like Elijah, I'll open the door!

A Panoply of Personals

With an online presence as “JanetheWriter,” I’m frequently asked what, exactly, it is that I write. My stock answer goes something like this: “Executive correspondence, reports, online and web content, status updates, blog posts, and the like.”

Sometimes, just for fun, I write personal ads and over time, I've amassed quite a collection. I'm thinking of updating my JDate profile with one. What do you think? Shoot me an email and vote for your favorite.

Personal Ad #1: Share and Share Alike

Bright, sincere, attractive and down-to-earth (but certainly not perfect) 40-something happily DJF with no kids, manageable baggage, and a rich and balanced life seeks age appropriate, honest, gentle, kind, liberal Jewish guy for sharing long strolls, silly jokes, dessert, smiles and laughter, knowing glances, romantic dinners, time at home, bumps in the road, playful banter, meaningful conversations, walks in the woods, Scrabble games, hugs and kisses, lazy weekends, secrets, movie popcorn, time away, new adventures, favorite places, ice cream sundaes, books and music, ideas, Ferris wheel and subway rides, dim sum, the Sunday Times, hopes, dreams, wishes, and more.

Personal Ad #2: Chemistry Test

Fun, funny, intelligent, affectionate, attractive and real (but certainly not perfect) 40-something, city-dwelling DJF with a rich and balanced life (but no kids and minimal baggage) seeks age appropriate, honest, gentle, kind, liberal, legally single/divorced Jewish guy (tall, dark and handsome would be great, but warm, caring and genuine work just as well for me) for a chemistry test. Don’t panic – no beakers, Bunsen burners or periodic chart of the elements here…just coffee and conversation to see if we’re reactive or inert.

Personal Ad #3: Recipe for Love

One nice Jewish guy
Nearly 50 years’ experience
Ample kindness
Sufficient smarts
Lots of honesty
Generous dose of integrity
Kids optional

Gently mix all ingredients together.
Slowly add one intelligent, fun and affectionate divorced Jewish woman.
Place mixture in a bowl and see what happens.

Personal Ad #4: Time to “Fall” for Someone

There’s a chill in the air, the leaves are starting to turn, the days are getting shorter…it’s time to “fall” for someone.

Happily DJF, 46, with no kids, manageable baggage and lots to offer the right guy seeks 40-something happily divorced (or equally seasoned) divorced Jewish male for meaningful long-term relationship.

With fall in the air, maybe we’ll “fall” for each other?

Personal Ad #5: Shana Tova

Will you be eating chicken soup and brisket at a holiday table tonight, grateful to have friends and family close by with whom to celebrate?

Perhaps tomorrow morning you’ll park your tush in a pew at a synagogue in the tri-state area? After services you’ll be glad to loosen your tie and get home, optimistic that good things are in store for you in 5770. Am I right?

If one of the good things you’re hoping for is to meet someone special, I’d like to hear from you. I’m 46, youthful, Jewish, attractive (although ultimately you have to decide that for yourself), and have lots to offer the right guy. You should be age appropriate, Jewish and real.

Shana tova.

Personal Ad #6: Don't Be a Turkey...Answer this Ad!

Real, down-to-earth and youthful 40-something Jewish woman with much to be thankful for seeks a mensch in the hope that compatibility and friendship might lead to something more.

Please be Jewish kind, gentle, real, age-appropriate and not already married.

Personal Ad #7: Jewish Haiku

40-something Jew
Seeks same in a male version
Are you my bashert?

Personal Ad #8: A Shavuot Haiku

Saw you at Sinai
Celebrating that day now
Should we reconnect?

40-something DJF seeks similarly aged mensch for LTR.
Substantive note and photo appreciated.
Chag sameach.

Personal Ad #9: Let’s try things in reverse here…

I don’t really enjoy jazz, comedy clubs or fancy restaurants where the waiters refold the starched linen napkin every time you get up from the table. Give me the back booth in a neighborhood diner, a bottomless cup of coffee, a brownie ala mode (with two forks) and a good conversationalist to share it all and I’m a happy camper.

I also don’t really enjoy the sun, so sitting on a roof deck or the beach all day isn’t my idea of a good time either. One line responses and bad grammar, spelling and capitalization are other things that don’t exactly appeal to me.

And despite this laundry list, here I am, silly me, looking for that special someone (40-something, divorced and Jewish would be ideal) whom I believe is out there for me…I just haven’t bumped into him yet. If you think you may be him, this 46-year-old DJF with a good job, varied interests and, I think, lots to offer – humor, smarts, compassion, a great smile and more -- as part of a meaningful LTR would like to hear from you,

And lastly, Personal Ad #10: Looking for Love with a Limerick

There once was a girl in the city,
In search of a Jew who is witty,
The word “mensch” comes to mind,
Though they’re quite hard to find,
It really is quite a pity.

Contented DJF seeks DJM (45-55) for LTR

John Lennon Had It Right

A few months ago, much to my surprise and delight, I met someone in The Schmuck Parade who actually was second-date worthy. And third and fourth…and before I knew it, we were, um, I think the term is “dating.” It’d been so long, I almost forgot what it’s called.

Regular readers of this blog know that when I write about The Schmuck Parade, it’s only in the most general of terms. They’re familiar with Guy #1, Guy #2 and Guy #3, as well as Guys #17, #18, #19 and beyond. Readers also know that I never, ever write about people I’ve actually met in The Parade.

However, if I was going to write about this guy that I’m not going to write about, I would tell you that he seemed to be a refreshing change from the other marchers I've encountered. Unlike so many of them, he appeared to be kind, fun, funny, generous, interesting, thoughtful, sweet and just generally a nice guy. We enjoyed spending time together and in the little more than two months we spent “keeping company,” he’d met a handful of my friends, and we’d done our share of cooking at my place, as well as poking around in the city—Central Park after a snowfall, Chelsea Market, the High Line, and, just two weeks ago, a trek to Flushing, at the end of the 7 train, on the eve of Chinese New Year. There we checked out the neighborhood and enjoyed yummy duck sliders, pork dumplings and spicy beef skewers from vendors at barbecue carts that dot every corner around Main Street and Roosevelt Avenue.

Finally, it was nice to step out of The Parade and stick with one person…quick emails during the day, longer chats by phone at night, city adventures on the weekends. Nice…

Until I got dumped.

By email.

And a nebulous one at that.

Shocked? Baffled? Disappointed? Hurt? Yes, yes, yes, and yes. But, in the spirit of making lemonade from lemons, here's a refresher on some of the important lessons that the shock, bafflement, disappointment and hurt also brought my way:

Lesson #1: The Schmuck Parade is most aptly named.

Lesson #2: People are complex creatures and often are not as they appear to be.

Lesson #3: As my sister always says, when it comes to apartments, jobs and men (OK, “affairs of the heart” for you straight guys and lesbians who may be reading this), always go with your gut. It speaks louder and much more clearly than either of its peers: heart or brain.

Lesson #4: Gloria Gaynor is great company and the louder, the better.

Lesson #5: John Lennon was oh-so right, and I’m getting by with a little help from my friends. They’ve been great and I am ever grateful for so much of what they’ve had to say:

Friend #1 on Facebook chat: “He just wasn’t good enough for you. That’s all.”

Friend #2, who has endured her own share of Parade bruises: “I think that this one will have to get the "SCHMUCK of the YEAR" award!!!!!”

Friend #3 on IM: “Ugh, so sorry. You have plans for Purim?”
Me: “No.”
Friend #2: “Come to TST. Saturday night. We’ll do dinner first, then the schpiel.”

Friend #4, who met him: “I am shocked that I could be so wrong about an adult. I feel duped. Thank God he's outta here now, before you wasted time with the SCHMUCK.”

Friend #5 on Facebook: “I wish Facebook had a "You are completely awesome and deserve WAY better" button.”

Friend #6, a cantor, also on Facebook: “I will sing a high note in his general direction! The kind only dogs can hear but that will resonate in his head and give him a migraine!”

Friend #7, one of my study buddies, in an email: “Oy, what a shame that he wasted your time. But, as I always say - we do learn lots about ourselves and about others whenever we have the courage to embark on a relationship and let someone in even a little bit....So, it's up to you to keep doing what you're doing, and hope and have faith that you will meet an equally mature, wonderful, deserving companion.”

Lastly, this from Friend #8, my other study buddy, when we met after class this week: “We’ll get you a tuba and you can get back in The Parade.”

No, not just yet, but thanks to all of you, I am indeed getting by with a little help from my friends.

Simple Pleasures

This past weekend I had a chance to experience so many simple pleasures: good friends, good food, a crisp, snow-filled afternoon, this wonderful city and hope about what the future might hold.

Thank goodness for simple pleasures!

A Tale of Two Jeffs: Lucky or Schmucky?

In response to my Rosh Hashana personal ad, which you can read here, I received a number of responses including from Guy #1, who initially wrote to me on September 21. For a few days we had a nice back-and-forth on email, including an exchange of photos. Then nothing until this email on October 1:

Hi Jane.

I hope you enjoyed the holidays. Sorry for the delay in my reply. I ran into someone from my past during the week and we are going to see what might develop, again. I expect being a NYer that you will understand. Thank you.

Best wishes,
Jeff

Based on my experience, such a note is fairly par for the course in the online dating world and I probably wouldn’t have given it much thought (although I did wonder what being a New Yorker had to do with my level of understanding) except that it was déjà vu all over again.

Back in June, in response to a different personal ad, I had an equally nice exchange with Guy #2. It started on June 25, included a photo swap and then, like with Guy #1, ended thusly on July 1:

Hi Jane,

I thought I had mentioned I was in real estate. Seven days a week is not uncommon! I ran into a girl I was seeing a few months ago and we decided to give it another try.... So at this point in time, I am off the market! There is only enough of me to go around for one at a time.

Take care.
Jeffrey

So, do you think these two Jeffs really got lucky and reconnected with old flames or were they just trying to be polite in their own shmucky sort of way?

You decide.

Shana Tova: A Craigslist Sampler

For all the obvious reasons, I really should give up posting personal ads on Craigslist. However, like Rev. Christine Shiber, a newly divorced 50-something profiled in a story in last week’s New York Times, I’ve found it’s the venue that brings the most responses. As she says, “While it’s glorious to have the freedom to divorce and create a better life, we’re not in college anymore with an unlimited supply of men our age.” Also like Rev. Shiber, experience has made me somewhat adept at discerning the good from the bad in this crazy cyber-marketplace, and so it is that on Friday, I posted this ad:

Shana tova - 46 (New York City)

Will you be eating chicken soup and brisket at a holiday table tonight, grateful to have friends and family close by with whom to celebrate?

Perhaps tomorrow morning you’ll park your tush in a pew at a synagogue in the tri-state area? After services you’ll be glad to loosen your tie and get home, optimistic that good things are in store for you in 5770. Am I right?

If one of the good things you’re hoping for is to meet someone special, I’d like to hear from you. I’m 46, youthful, Jewish, attractive (although ultimately you have to decide that for yourself), and have lots to offer the right guy. You should be age appropriate, Jewish, not already married, and, most important, real.

Shana tova.

Here’s a sampling of the more than 20 replies caught in my net:

Guy #1, bless his heart, wrote: “For various reasons (including age), I don't think you'd be interested in me, but I just wanted to wish you a shana tova, and I hope this year brings you happiness in every area of your life!”

Guy #2 has answered previous ads of mine with a photo and a brief note worthy of a reply. When I've reciprocated with a note and my photo (yes, the same one that’s up at the top of this page over there on the right), he hasn't written back. Apparently the photo is a deal breaker for him. Oh well…

Guy #3 is really Guy #3 and Gal #1. They claim to be Jewish and “seeking to develop an ongoing friendship with an exceptional woman!” Oy…par for the course on Craigslist, though, and the raison d'être for the delete key!

Guy #4 is named Tony Porcelli. (No, not really… I changed it to protect his innocence, but, trust me, the real one is equally Italian.) And, although I know that it’s dangerous to make assumptions based solely on names and the appearance of things – marit ayin, I think, is the expression in Hebrew – when I Googled his actual name, he came up as the owner of a general contracting company on Long Island. Jewish? No, despite his correct use of spilkes and tsuris, not so much.

Guy #5 wrote this:

Hi,
I don't know if your [sic] Conservative or Orthodox...
Is it that hard to meet a nice guy in shul????
I'm married, Jewish & you don't want me..
However.... You seem nice.. so I am trying to help...
My only advice for you... don't settle...
If you look hard, you'll find a nice Jewish guy...

Thanks, Guy #5. Yes, it is that hard to meet a nice guy in shul (or anywhere, it seems), but I’m trying. I’m definitely trying…

Letter to My Blog

Dear Blog,

I haven’t forgotten about you. And, although I know this is no excuse, I’ve been sooooooo busy that I haven’t had time to “percolate” any posts. If it’s any consolation, I haven’t written for RJ.org in the last few weeks either.

Interestingly, shortly after one of my recent posts appeared there, I received a letter from the rabbi at my new congregation inviting me to bless the candles in the downstairs service (where new members sit) on Kol Nidre. Although I’m sure that the blog post and the invitation are unrelated (the letter from the rabbi was written before the blog post), I’m still feeling a bit chagrined at having written it in the first place. But, it’s a done deal now…and still an accurate reflection of my experience in the synagogue that night.

In a nutshell, here’s what else is going on with me:

• School started right before Labor Day and I’ve got a great class on anti-Semitism as it relates to civil rights public policy. There are only about eight students in the class but in a true, it’s-a-small-world story, one of them left SCA (where I worked from 1991 to 1997) in June, moved to New York to go to school and, lo and behold, sits right next to me! The specifics of how we made that incredible connection is a story for another time. Right now, suffice it to say that the class readings at the moment focus on the history of anti-Semitism (in medieval times, in the Middle Ages, within the Catholic Church, etc.) and although there’s a lot of it and it’s not exactly page-turning stuff, it’s not bad either. A week from this Thursday, Abraham Foxman, head of the ADL, will deliver the Ackerman Lecture at Baruch, so of course we’re required to go. Should be very interesting.
• On the work scene, Biennial food has definitely kicked in and the early mornings and late nights are soon to be the norm. At the moment, it’s all box lunches all the time. In addition, I’m doing my regular job, lots of Biennial miscellany that crosses my desk, and tracking RSVPs from invitees to one of 15 different Shabbat dinners, from rabbis who have been invited to be Shabbat morning Torah study leaders, and from lay and professional leaders invited to sit on the bema at services. Whew! If you want to know more about Biennial, click here.
• Yes, the Schmuck Parade marches on. Nothing terribly new or exciting to report here, just the same old cadre of game players, endless emailers and guys who don’t – for one reason or another -- fit the parameters I’ve set for myself. These include: Jewish, 40-something, and divorced or equally seasoned. That’s it. What’s so hard about that?! I wish I knew because the pickings are oh-so slim. Oh-so slim…
• I seem to be losing the battle against plantar fasciitis so tomorrow after work it's back to the podiatrist where perhaps more cortisone is in the cards. After that, a trip to Westchester for a shiva call to a colleague who just lost her mother. Another long day on tap…

So, that’s about all the news from here, Blog. Again, I apologize for not being a better correspondent. I’ll try to improve in the future. In the meantime, l’shana tova…see you in 5770!

xoxo,
JanetheWriter

The Parade Marches On

Tomorrow night marks the beginning of Tu B’Av, a minor Jewish festival that is best described as the “Jewish Valentine’s Day.” Earlier today, in an attempt to help a colleague locate congregations that do creative programming for the 40+ singles set, I wrote a short post for the Union’s blog that incorporates information about this holiday. In it, I said, “…in this instance I'm actually not looking.”

As readers of this blog know, however, I’m always looking -- and so it was that over the weekend I posted this online personal ad:

Share and share alike - 46

Bright, sincere, attractive, fun, funny and down-to-earth (but certainly not perfect) 40-something happily DJF with no kids, manageable baggage, and a rich and balanced life seeks age appropriate, honest, gentle, kind, liberal Jewish guy for sharing long strolls, silly jokes, dessert, smiles and laughter, knowing glances, romantic dinners, time at home, bumps in the road, playful banter, meaningful conversations, walks in the woods, Scrabble games, hugs and kisses, lazy weekends, secrets, movie popcorn, time away, new adventures, favorite places, ice cream sundaes, books and music, ideas, Ferris wheel and subway rides, dim sum, the Sunday Times, hopes, dreams, wishes, and more.

Tu B’Av not withstanding I received the usual, predictable replies:

Guy #1 is 32 years old.

Guy #2 is Indian.

Guy #3 responded (for the seventh time to one of my posts) with the exact same text and photo he’s been using for the last year and a half. And, although he’s a perfectly nice enough guy (I know because we met for coffee after one of his first replies), he’s not the right one for me.

Guy #4 also has answered previous posts of mine (four to be exact) and, yes, like Guy #3, he’s done so with the exact same verbiage every time. Early on (more than two years ago), we traded a few emails and in that exchange he said, “Just wanted to know if you were specifically looking for a Jewish male as I’m not.” I replied thusly: “Alas, I am seeking a Jewish guy.”

Guy #5 is 62 years old and, although he, too, may be a perfectly nice guy, in my mind, he’s too old for me. My loss? Perhaps, but at 46 (and a youthful 46 at that), it’s a loss I’m willing to bear.

Guys #6 and #7 are modern Orthodox. One of them came to Orthodoxy by way of NFTY and Eisner. (All of this I learned from earlier exchanges with each of them following replies to previous posts of mine.) Again, my loss? No, I don’t think so. Like so many of the others, these two may be perfectly nice guys…just not right for me.

Guy #8 described himself as “50 years old, 5'6, slim, with brown hair and green eyes.” Having met this guy a little over a year ago, I can tell you that he’s been 50 for a mighty long time. And, although he may see brown when he looks in the mirror, I definitely saw gray. Don’t get me wrong…there’s nothing wrong with gray, but there is something wrong with his not being honest with himself or with others.

I could go on (and on and on), but I'm sure that by now you get the picture.

And yet, I'm not willing to give up entirely on the personal ads. I am, however, ready to add some new approaches to the mix.

Lucky for me, this coming weekend, I’ll be attending a wedding. A note on the carpool page of the couple’s website (yes, it appears they thought of everything!) says, “Putting compatible people together is, of course, one of the purposes of a wedding.”

Hmmmm….perhaps in addition to uniting the bride and groom as husband and wife, this event will indeed put other compatible people together?

You never know; you just never know…

The State of the Fleet

Tonight marks the beginning of my grandmother’s yahrzeit. Eighteen years….hard to believe it’s been that long. I thought of her last night– as I so often do – while waiting in a damp drizzle for the 57th Street crosstown bus.

“Never run after a man or a streetcar,” she told me repeatedly. “There’s always another one coming.”

Run, schmun, I thought, as the cold drops chilled me and the endless traffic streamed past with no bus in sight. If my recent (and not so recent) experiences in the Schmuck Parade reflect the state of the fleet, I’m riding around in gypsy cabs and jalopies. No, I’m not looking for a Hummer or a stretch limo with a driver -- just a clean, well maintained bus that runs on time, makes all scheduled stops, gets decent gas mileage and drops me safely near my destination.

MTA, can you help me out here?!

Letter to Cupid

Dear Cupid,

I figure that with Valentine’s Day more than six months away, perhaps you’re not too busy at the moment and can help me out here while things are slow in your office. Although I’ve tried really hard to appreciate the various guys you’ve sent me in the past, unfortunately you’ve missed the mark – sometimes more than other times -- and I’m still out here looking.

I know your job isn’t an easy one, even in a city of eight million people, and without being too critical of your handiwork, I’d like to offer some positive ways you might be able to improve your marksmanship with that little bow and arrow of yours:

1. I’m 46, so when I say “age appropriate,” I don’t mean 28 and I don’t mean 57. Forty-five to 55 would be great.

2. I’m Jewish and although not religious in the traditional sense, it is an important part of my life in a liberal sort of way. I’d be grateful, therefore, if you didn’t send me guys who describe themselves as “Orthodox,” “traditional” or “Jewish but not religious.” Also, although I have nothing against them personally, I don’t think I’d be a good match with guys who consider themselves agnostic or atheist. Reform, Conservative or Reconstructionist Jews who still retain some attachment (even if it’s just cultural) to their heritage are most desirable.

3. Although I’m not looking to get married again (at least not at the moment), I also am not interested in meeting guys who already are married or are not quite divorced. It would be great if you could limit your selections for me to those who are single, fully divorced or widowed.

4. As you know, I don’t have a specific “type” in mind when it comes to guys and I don’t much care about hair color, eye color or that sort of thing. At the same time, at 5’5”, I do appreciate guys who are at least 5’7”. And, since I know that they often ask you, please feel free to tell them that I've got a medium or average build and that I'm height and weight proportionate (and stay that way with the help of the treadmill nearly every other day). Other physical attributes include long, curly auburn hair, brown eyes and a great smile.

5. Much more important to me, Cupid, is that you do your best to send me a mensch. Of course I don’t expect perfection (I’m old enough to know that it only exists in fairy tales and the movies), but would love to spend time getting to know someone who is honest, gentle and kind, seriously interested in finding the right somebody and not into playing games. I don’t really care about how much money he makes, whether or not he travels annually to the Caribbean or how many electronic gadgets he owns. Speaking of electronic gadgets, though, if we do decide to meet and chat over coffee or a drink, it’d be nice if he’d put his iPhone on vibrate and wait until later to return calls and answer email.

6. I live and work in Manhattan and although I’m open to guys who live in the other four boroughs, as well as close by in Westchester and New Jersey, Florida, Maine, and upstate are a bit out of the question. Some consideration of geographic boundaries would be greatly appreciated.

7. I know that these are tough economic times, but gainful employment is a big plus as are solo living quarters unless, of course, the guy shares space with his kids – either full-time or part-time. (Although I don’t have any of my own, I’m definitely open to having other people’s kids in my life.)

8. Although I don’t expect an initial email that rivals the Great American Novel, I do appreciate a few brief sentences about the guy you’re sending me. I’d love for him to tell me a bit about himself and his life, as well as what positive attributes he’d bring to a meaningful long-term relationship. Most undesirable are one-liners, canned responses, photos with no words (and no shirts), and phone numbers that say “call me.”

9. Although I know that you won’t necessarily send me a guy who’s a carbon copy of me (that’d be boring), it would be great if he and I shared some basic values. High on my list are honesty, integrity, intellectual curiosity, ideas, family, friends and other things money can’t buy.

10. Lastly, to make this thing really work, I hope you’ll be able to send me someone with whom I have that seemingly all elusive chemistry. Ideally, we’ll have an emotional, intellectual and physical spark that together we can coax into a wonderfully warm and glowing relationship that keeps us both from having to be in touch with you again for a long time to come.

Cupid, I know that I'm asking for a lot here, but I have faith that if anyone can deliver, it’s you…especially now that it’s summer and far, far from your busy winter season. Thanks for your careful consideration of my requests. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

xoxo,
JanetheWriter

Haiku Madness

Back in April on this blog, I considered using the following haiku as a personal ad, but ultimately rejected the idea:

Jewish girl seeks mensch
Coffee or drinks for to start
Sparks fly and we match

In response to that post, my friend Larry Kaufman wrote this:

If you post haiku
Maybe you'll get a call from
Someone Jewpanese.

Yesterday, inspired by Rabbi Joe Black’s Facebook status (Standing at the mountain. Lots of smoke and noise.), I wrote and posted the following haiku as a personal ad:

Saw you at Sinai
Celebrating that day now
Should we reconnect?

40-something DJF seeks similarly aged mensch for LTR.
Substantive note and photo appreciated.
Chag sameach.

Sadly, the responses have been scarce and not exactly on target. With just one exception, these guys probably weren’t even at the smoky, noisy mountain oh-so long ago.

Guy #1, while he may be a perfectly nice guy, describes himself as Indian American. Like I said, not exactly on target…

Guy #2, apparently burned by an underage internet dater, wanted me to verify my age using AgeProtect. Um, no, I don’t think so…

Guy #3 is a 28-year old German living in New York City.

Guy #4, although Jewish, is 34 and wants to know “what 40-something means.”

Alas, reconnecting with someone from the mountain doesn’t seem like it’s going to happen anytime soon. Perhaps another haiku is in order:

‘Twas crowded up there
Lots of guys to choose from then
Where did they all go?

My Passover Match

Ever the optimist and not willing to let a corny, seasonal poem go to waste, I posted this personal ad on Friday morning:

Last night was the seder,
With friends I did dine,
Lots of good food,
And four cups of wine.
The seat next to mine was empty last night,
But other than that, my life is just right.

Where are you, my mensch?
Why can’t you see,
That I could be the one for thee?
I'm smart and I'm funny,
A really good catch,
Perhaps you are my
Passover match?

I live on the east side, have a job I adore,
Am seeking a great guy, not asking for more.
Neither too fat nor too thin,
I'm just the right size,
With auburn hair and nice brown eyes.

You are kind and gentle, Jewish and more,
At least 40-something and not a big bore.
You're seeking a woman, a smart one to boot,
To find her on Craigslist, wouldn't that be a hoot?

You read the Times to get the news,
You care about Israel, what's good for the Jews.
Your family is central, you sedered with them,
Some chicken and matzah and lots of flanken.

You've got your own place, it's filled with great books,
These things are important, as much as your looks.
Your job and your friends, they all are fulfillin',
The only thing missing's a wonderful woman.

You asked the four questions,
You opened the door,
You ate lots of matzah,
Swept the crumbs from the floor.

Now that the seder is over,
And you've had your fill,
Drop me a line,
I sure hope that you will.

Answer this post,
There's no time to waste,
If you're not a good typist,
Use Word’s cut and paste.

I hope that you’ll write and tell me the score,
Tell me your name and some things you adore.
Music? The city? Browsing for books?
Good food and wine or watching a flick?
Just what is it that makes you tick?

Who are you? What do you do?
What are your dreams for love so true?
Send me a post and tell me more,
For you, like Elijah, I'll open the door!

In less than 48 hours, I’ve received 20 responses, only a handful of which deserve a reply.

Here’s a small sample:

Guy #1, I’ll call him “Spero” because of his obviously Hellenistic name, wrote, “I am 24 and live in Brooklyn. Mail me back if you are interested.”

Guy #2, possibly a nice Jewish guy, lives in Philadelphia.

Guys #3 and #4 are married.

Guy #5 wants to know if I speak in rhyme.

Guy #6 wrote: “I’m 50, divorced, no kids, live in Brooklyn, nice to meet you, Happy Pesach.” While this message might be deserving of a reply, two weeks ago when this same “Romeo” answered a different ad of mine, he was 48. Funny how that aging thing works…

One more and then I must go do the laundry…

Guy #7, although not Jewish, sent what turned out to be the most promising response: “Hello, I'm not Jewish, but just had to say, really enjoyed your posting. The guy meant for you will be very lucky to have you in his presence. Good luck & happy holidays!!!!!!!!”

I responded with this: “Thanks for your note...much appreciated.
If you happen to run into that guy who's meant for me, please send him in my direction! :)
Thanks!”

And he came back with this: I have some Jewish friends, they're married, but I'll ask if family members are looking. Let's keep in touch!!!!!!!!!”

To which I responded: ”I'm a big believer in networking and serendipity so I'll take whatever leads you may uncover! You just never know... :)
Enjoy the holiday weekend.”

And, in fact, you do never know… Maybe Guy #7 actually will come through with a mensch for me.

This is, after all, the season of hope, rebirth and renewal.

A Passover Poetry Saga

At this season in 2007, I posted the following personal ad:

This night is the seder,
With friends you will dine,
Lots of good food,
Four cups of wine.
The seat next mine will be empty tonight,
So many good men have all taken flight.

Where are you, my mensch?
Why can't you see,
That I could be the one for thee?
I'm smart and I'm funny,
A really good catch,
Perhaps you are my Passover match.

I live on the east side, have a job I adore,
My hair is quite curly, my age: 44.
Neither too fat or too thin,
I'm just the right size,
With auburn hair and big brown eyes.

You are kind and gentle, Jewish and more,
At least 40-something and not a big bore.
You're seeking a woman, a smart one to boot,
To find her on Craigslist, wouldn't that be a hoot?

You read the Times, not the Post or the News,
You care about Israel, what's good for the Jews.
Your family is central, tonight you're with them,
Eating chicken, matzah and lots of flanken.

You've got your own place, it's filled with great books,
These things are important, much more than your looks.
Your job and your friends, they all are fulfillin',
The only thing missing's a wonderful woman.

Ask the four questions,
Open the door,
Eat some more matzah,
Sweep the crumbs from the floor.

When the seder is over,
And you've had your fill,
Drop me a line,
I sure hope that you will.

Answer this post,
There's no time to waste,
If you're not a good typist,
Use cut and paste.

I hope that you’ll write and tell me the score:
Who are you?
What do you do?
What are your dreams for love so true?
Send me a post and tell me more,
For you, like Elijah, I'll open the door!

As regular readers of this blog will be able to surmise, I received a number of responses – some in rhyme and quite creative – and had some initial, lively email exchanges. And then, as usual, the pool of possibilities evaporated and it was back to normal -- as dry and narrow as Mitzrayim.

Last year, unable to make a good rhyme with "forty-five," (jive, beehive and revive just didn't do it), I deleted the specific reference to my age in the third stanza and posted a slightly revised version of the ad. Again, the same results. Before long, just like the Israelites, I was wandering in a dry, narrow dating desert.

This year, inspired by some Purim limericks on Facebook, I posted this ad:

There once was a Passover seder,
Led by my dad from what he learned in the cheder.
He is a great dad,
For him I am glad,
But would love a new guy on the radar.

Happily divorced 40-something JF seeks age appropriate S/DJM for meaningful LTR.
I’ve been wandering in the dating desert way too long.
Maybe we can find the Promised Land together?!

Guess what? You got it…once again, the same results. And, in some cases, worse. Without meaning to sound judgmental (although I’m not sure it can be avoided), there’s no way that Shlomo from Brooklyn is a good match for me. Neither is 27-year-old Eduard who arrived from Germany last year.

Perhaps less is more and I should try a haiku?

Jewish girl seeks mensch
Coffee or drinks for to start
Sparks fly and we match

Maybe? Nah...not likely.

Facebook, Make Me a Match!

I’m continually amazed at how helpful my Facebook community can be.

Two cases in point:

Here’s the first one: This past Monday, having finished the reading for my econ class, but still baffled by the concept of “dead weight loss,” I posted the following status update: “Jane is hoping that someone out there in Facebook-land understands dead weight loss and can explain it better than Mankiw.”

Much to my delight, I received the following explanation from Dave, a guy who sat next to me in 10th grade algebra and with whom I’ve recently connected on Facebook:

“Jane, pretty simple if you think about it personally. Dead weight losses are those transactions that are not getting done because consumers factor in the tax of the transaction and decide, ‘no, that is just too much, i.e, sales tax.’ So if a Prada bag costs $2000.00 and that is all you had to spend, but then there was a 8.375 percent New York tax on it or an additional $167.50, you might choose not to buy it at all. Those lost transactions are the dead weight and create a surplus. Does that help?”

“Yes,” I replied. “It's a perfect explanation! Thanks! Do you teach economics? Where has life taken you since high school? Hope the years have been good to you...and thanks again for the clear and concise description of dead weight loss.”

From his response back to me, I learned that today, more than three decades after we were together in Mrs. Haley’s algebra class, Dave owns a technology contracting business and he has degrees in accounting and computer science. By his own estimate, he took something like five semesters of econ as an undergraduate at the University of Maryland and loved it. In today’s business climate, he says, everyone needs to be a micro economist. Hmmmm, Dave could definitely be my new best friend…

Here’s the second case in point: The next day, upon returning with painful shins from my fairly new, early-morning treadmill routine, I posted this status update: “Jane finished 20 minutes on the treadmill at level 3 (4 mph, top speed). Could have kept going except for the burning shins. Suggestions, FB friends?”

Within minutes, my Facebook friends came through for me again.

“The elliptical is much easier on body parts,” said one, a cantor I met last year at a L’taken seminar in Washington, DC.

Two Union for Reform Judaism trustees provided almost identical advice: “Check your shoes; you may need new ones…and after about 10 minutes, stop and stretch!” they said. One went on to email me a one-page, 30-minute treadmill workout that she's used successfully.

Someone else, a friend froam Lafayette College, whom I knew through Hillel, chimed in with this: “Hi Jane. My shins also bothered me when I started the treadmill. I spend about 2 or 3 minutes stretching out my legs before I start now and no longer have the problem. I Googled exercises for shin splints and saw a couple of videos on how to do the stretches. Good luck.”

All this relatively easy-to-come-by information (thanks, everybody!) got me thinking about other useful connections my Facebook friends might be able to help me make, and it wasn't long before I was connecting the dots...

As regular readers of this blog likely know, for some time now, I’ve been in search of (most unsuccessfully, I’m afraid) a 40- to 50-something (preferably someone born during Eisenhower's second term or the Kennedy administration), decent Jewish guy (single or divorced, with kids or without) for a meaningful long-term relationship. I'll spare you the details of my seemingly endless escapades in this endeavor, "lovingly" referred to by me as "The Schmuck Parade," but you can read about some of them here and here and here and here.

Although I don’t think I’m especially fussy with my “laundry list” of desirable qualities, thus far, even in this great city of more than eight million people, I can’t seem to find even one mensch who fits the bill as a potential partner for this happily divorced Jewish woman with no kids, manageable baggage and, I think, lots to offer the right guy. But, as a colleague of mine is fond of saying about various topics at hand, “It is what it is.” And so it is. Yet, I keep looking because ultimately I believe there is somebody out there for me -- somebody with whom I'll share an intellectual, emotional and physical conection -- but I just haven't bumped into him yet. And, while I certainly don't expect Mr. Right to be perfect (I'm not, by a longshot!), I do still hold out hope that someplace in this city (yes, even in the outer boroughs, Westchester or New Jersey) exists Mr. Right Enough for Me -- and that after some getting to know each other, the feeling will be mutual.

And, although I'm far, far from desperate (I'd rather be alone than with Mr. Wrong or even with Mr. So-So), I also believe that my already rich, full life would be even richer and fuller with someone special along for the ride. I am also of the mindset that while the pixels, bits and bytes of the internet are a fine option for some (yes, I've tried JDate, match.com, speed dating, and more recently some freebies including speeddate.com and plentyoffish.com, all to no avail), for others, a "fix-up" arranged by a real, live person is a far superior choice. Lastly, I believe that as with a job search, the more people you know who know that you're looking, the better off you'll be. Who knows which one of them might have a brother, a brother-in-law, a cousin, a nephew, a friend, a colleague or an uncle who's available and willing to invest an hour over coffee or a drink to explore the possibility that maybe, just maybe, we're right for each other?!

And so yet again, my Facebook friends, I turn to you. Help me out here?