Go With Your Gut…the Kishkes Know: A #BlogElul Post

When she was younger, my sister used to say that when it came to choosing an apartment, a job, or a man, she’d just know if it was right on the first walk-through, the first interview, or the first date. She’d feel it in her gut.

I, too, have found that often I know the answer to tough questions because I feel it in my gut. However, it’s one thing to feel it, and another to listen—especially if your gut is telling you he isn’t your bashert, this isn’t your dream job, or the apartment’s not the right one for you.

With time I’ve learned not only to feel what’s in my gut, but also to listen to what that feeling is telling me—even if it’s a message I don’t necessarily want to hear.  In 5774, may I have occasion to use these skills and, most of all, may I use them well.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Accept People Where They Are: A #BlogElul Post

Today’s #BlogElul prompt brought to mind the “Serenity Prayer,” sometimes attributed to theologian Reinhold Niebuhr, and most often associated with Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12-step programs:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

If we believe that the High Holidays present us with an annual opportunity to change the things we can, then it is equally important, I think, to recognize, as well, those things we cannot change—and learn to accept them, or at least change the way we respond to the people behind them.  In no particular order, these 10 actions (or inactions) get my hackles up:

1. Using poor grammar
2. Waiting to look for one’s MetroCard until one is already in front of the fare box
3. Unreturned phone calls and unanswered emails
4. Texting on the subway steps
5. Leaving a restroom with unwashed hands
6. Ignoring wait staff, doormen, and other service workers
7. Allowing elderly riders and those carrying children to stand
8. Tossing cigarette butts in the gutter
9. Using the express check-out when one’s basket includes too many items
10. Having personal phone conversations in public places

Although I try not to “go there” myself, I cannot change the people for whom these and other disagreeable (to me) actions are regular habits.  I can, however, attempt to accept that others may have valid reasons for "going there," and try, really try, not to be so judgmental…even if it is only in my head.

Note to self:  Try to be more accepting of people and their actions, remembering that it's impossible to know where they're coming from—or where they're going.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.  

It's Up to Me: A #BlogElul Post

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.  

Changing the Way We Act: A #BlogElul Post

Several months ago, I joined Weight Watchers (for the first time ever) and in the last 12 weeks or so, I’ve lost approximately half the amount I need to, on my way to attaining a healthy goal weight.  It hasn’t been easy, but I’ve been diligent—lots of fruits and veggies (zero points), lots of water, lots of tracking, not enough treadmill, and lots of planning, portion control, and asking myself if something is “worth the points” before I dig in.

As much of an eye-opener and a challenge as losing weight has been, I know it will be even harder to keep it off.  Most of all, though, I’ve learned that weight loss and weight management are all about behavior modification—changing the way we act toward food.

In that way, I think the High Holidays are a lot like Weight Watchers.  They’re all about heightened awareness of our behavior coupled with willingness and determination to change, when necessary, the way we act toward others.  And, just as we can experience weight loss when we act differently toward food, so, too, when we act differently toward each other can we experience richer, deeper and more meaningful relationships.

And, just as Weight Watchers knows that there will be weeks in which the needle on the scale moves in the wrong direction, so does our tradition know that teshuvah is hard work and that we likely will falter and miss the mark from time to time.  Nonetheless, in the same way that I return to Weight Watchers week after week to keep my actions with food on track, Judaism allows us to continue our work to act more kindly toward others even once the High Holidays are over--letting us weigh in throughout the year to make sure the needle on the scale is moving in the right direction.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima, this post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year. 

Where's JanetheWriter's #BlogElul Post?

Today my #BlogElul essay is over on the blog associated with ReformJudaism.org.  I hope you'll click over there to read what I've got to say...it's a topic that's near and dear to my heart and if you think about it, you probably can guess what it is.  But don't just guess, take a click over there and see for yourself!

Stay tuned here for more #BlogElul in the coming days.

Facing Our Risk of Cancer Empowered: A FORCE for Good

Earlier this evening, I posted this status update on Facebook:

Happy erev mammoversary to me! Tomorrow is two years since the 12-hour surgery that saved my life...and I wasn't even sick! 

I have no doubt that the surgery—a prophylactic bilateral mastectomy (PBM) with micro-surgical reconstruction using my own abdominal tissue and blood supply—saved me from a diagnosis of breast cancer.  Knowing that I had a pre-surgical lifetime risk of developing the disease that hovered somewhere in the 80^th percentile, I wasn’t willing to sit around and wait for the odds to play themselves out.

Although there were many factors that propelled me down the road to surgery (an option that isn’t necessarily the right one for every BRCA-positive woman), I’m not sure I could have taken those first tentative steps without FORCE and the women I’ve met through the New YorkCity chapter of the national organization devoted solely to individuals and families affected by hereditary cancer syndrome, most often because of the presence of a BRCA mutation.   I attended my first FORCE meeting just weeks before the hysterectomy that preceded my mastectomy by about six months.  As wonderful as it was to get some terrific ideas about preparing for surgery, the best part of the gathering was being together for the first time with so many BRCA “sisters,” many of whom were dealing with the same difficult choices and hurdles I’d just had thrown in my own path.

Needless to say, I was hooked, and I’ve hardly missed a local FORCE meeting since.  I’ve also attended the last two annual conferences in Orlando and, most recently, joined another member as a volunteer Outreach Coordinator in New York City.  I believe that if sharing my experiences and the knowledge I’ve gained as a result of being BRCA positive can ease others’ travels, I am fulfilling a part of my obligation to partner with God in repairing our fractured world.

As I’ve noted on this blog before, because FORCE is a grassroots, not-for-profit organization on a shoestring budget, it faces a constant need for funding.  The New York City chapter is in the midst of a fundraising campaign that ends on July 31.  I’m grateful to those of you who have made generous donations to this cause that has become so very important to me and hopeful that others might consider a contribution to this incredible organization that’s been there for me and given me the tools and training to be there for others.  Your support on behalf of FORCE will help ensure that none of us in the hereditary breast and ovarian cancer community ever has to walk this bumpy path alone.

Are You Shayna Maydelach or Shayna Punim?

Photo:  www.garysullivanonline.com

As I noted the other day on my Facebook page, we're having a heatwave in New York City.  It's the kind of weather that used to prompt my grandparents to set up a bridge table in the bedroom of their Sunnyside Queens apartment where, with the door closed, the window-unit air conditioner could actually do its job.

There they'd spend time reading, playing cards and just keeping cool.  Unwilling to"light the stove," as my grandmother always said, in such raging heat, she would use whatever ingredients she had on hand to prepare cool, no-cook meals.  Often that meant a concoction of cut up vegetables with cottage cheese and sour cream that she called chazerei.  Imagine my surprise when, many years later,  I learned that chazerei really means junk, garbage, pig's feed or anything of little value, and is derived from the Yiddish word for pig -- chazer.

I've blogged about my grandmother before, describing her in a previous post as "someone who saw Kaiser Wilhelm II ride into town on a white horse, remembered the sinking of the Titanic, watched Neil Armstrong walk on the moon, and still described air conditioning on a hot day as a mechaiya."  When my friend Rebecca posted a comment in response to that blog post, I not only chuckled, but also learned that I'm not alone in occasionally misinterpreting the meaning of a Yiddish word:

"When I was in ulpan, our teacher asked if anyone knew the word for 'air-conditioning.'

She about fell out of her chair, laughing, when I proudly answered 'mechaiya!'"

Another friend, Merry, is guilty of the same offense.  As she wrote recently, "I grew up thinking my 'Jewish' name was Shayna Maydelach!"

Hey, wait a minute... Isn't every Jewish girl named Shayna Maydelach or Shayna Punim?!