To Begin Anew: A #BlogElul Post

Recently, someone I know told me he greatly admires my tireless efforts at reinventing and re-imagining myself.  Although I didn't tell him so, it's something I learned from Jewish tradition, and I've been doing it for much of my life.

At one point during the summer after my college graduation, I received several different job offers at once.  None of them was the right one for me and, thankfully, my parents encouraged me not to accept any of them, and to begin my search anew.

Bereshit...

More than a decade ago, after 13 years in a beige and boring marriage, I finally gathered enough courage to leave it all behind, moving home to the east coast to find a new job, a new home and a new life.  I've never looked back.

Bereshit...

Each year, as we celebrate the birthday of the world, our tradition provides us with an opportunity to wipe the slate clean, to turn over a new leaf, and to make a fresh start.

Bereshit...

Baruch atah Adonai elohaynu melech ha'olam who allows us to reinvent, recreate, and re-image ourselves and to begin anew, again and again. Amen.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima,this post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

A Sad End and a New Beginning: A #BlogElul Post

Earlier this week, a good friend's mother reached the end of her life.  It was more than unexpected -- tragically sudden, in fact -- made all the more so because my friend is to be married in October.

Ever since, the Unetanah Tokef has been echoing in my head.

This version from the machzor:

On Rosh Hashanah it is inscribed,
And on Yom Kippur it is sealed.
How many shall pass away and how many shall be born,
Who shall live and who shall die,
Who shall reach the end of his days and who shall not,
Who shall perish by water and who by fire,
Who by sword and who by wild beast,
Who by famine and who by thirst,
Who by earthquake and who by plague,
Who by strangulation and who by stoning,
Who shall have rest and who shall wander,
Who shall be at peace and who shall be pursued,
Who shall be at rest and who shall be tormented,
Who shall be exalted and who shall be brought low,
Who shall become rich and who shall be impoverished.
But repentance, prayer and righteousness avert the severe decree.

And this one by Leonard Cohen:

And who by fire, who by water,
Who in the sunshine, who in the night time,
Who by high ordeal, who by common trial,
Who in your merry merry month of may,
Who by very slow decay,
And who shall I say is calling?

And who in her lonely slip, who by barbiturate,
Who in these realms of love, who by something blunt,
And who by avalanche, who by powder,
Who for his greed, who for his hunger,
And who shall I say is calling?

And who by brave assent, who by accident,
Who in solitude, who in this mirror,
Who by his lady's command, who by his own hand,
Who in mortal chains, who in power,
And who shall I say is calling?

But more than just pondering the words of the liturgy, the circumstances have prompted me to tell people in my life how very much I appreciate their presence and their friendship.

To C, who offered to help plan a gathering when our friend returns to New York, I wrote this:  "Life turns on a dime...and so thanks for your offer and for being my friend."

To E, who was at the out-of-town funeral because he always steps up to the plate for his friends, I said: "And with this sad reminder that life turns on a dime, I want to tell  you how much your friendship means to me.  Travel safely."

To S, who sometimes drives me nuts (and knows when he's doing it!), I added this postscript at the end of an email:  "I was reminded this week that life truly turns on a dime and so I just want to say that I appreciate having you as my friend.  You're a good egg."

And to V, who called yesterday during a work-from-home day, I reiterated the message:  I value you as a friend and a colleague, and I'm glad to have you as part of my life."

And so it is that from this sad ending comes a new beginning, the focus of which is not only feeling gratitude and appreciation, but also telling of the gratitude and appreciation.  In the new year, may we be blessed with good friends...and may we tell them just how blessed they make us.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima,this post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

A Match of My Own: A #BlogElul Post

Matchmaker, Matchmaker,
Make me a match,
Find me a find,
catch me a catch
Matchmaker, Matchmaker
Look through your book,
And make me a perfect match

Matchmaker, Matchmaker,
I'll bring the veil,
You bring the groom,
Slender and pale.
Bring me a ring for I'm longing to be,
The envy of all I see.

For Papa,
Make him a scholar.
For mama,
Make him rich as a king.
For me, well,
I wouldn't holler
If he were as handsome as anything.

Matchmaker, Matchmaker,
Make me a match,
Find me a find,
Catch me a catch,
Night after night in the dark I'm alone
So find me a match,
Of my own.

How did you meet your match?!

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima,this post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Dare to Dream: A #BlogElul Post

What will you dare to dream?

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima,this post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

A Change for the Better: A #BlogElul Post

Dear Cantor Dubinsky,

Thanks for taking time during your busiest season of the year to meet with me this afternoon.  Most of all, thank you for helping me change my attitude about chanting Torah on the second day of Rosh HaShanah from mild panic to I-have-some-prep-to-do-but-I-can-handle-this.

With your calm, no-nonsense advice, I know that it's a matter of changing the way I look at and think about the text.  Rather than viewing it as one long paragraph, I now see that it's more important to focus on small pieces, to pay careful attention to the Hebrew, and to note the places where the melody repeats itself.

This change in perspective is a change for the better, and I expect to make some solid progress before we meet again on Friday.

Thank you again,
 ~ JanetheWriter.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima,this post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Do Not Judge Us For Our Actions: A #BlogElul Post

Shortly after Angelina Jolie announced that she had undergone a prophylactic bilateral mastectomy because of the presence of a BRCA mutation, I wrote this opinion piece, which provides BRCA basics about the prevalence of the mutations, the risks of developing cancer, and signs that hereditary breast and ovarian cancer may be present in a family.

Among the many comments that were posted in response to the article were several that espoused this sentiment: 

I have no intention of even being tested, for reasons including many already mentioned above, despite knowing that at least one such mutation runs in my father's family, and having a strong family history of cancer, including both parents and three of four grandparents dying of one form of it or another (with my mother having also had breast cancer earlier on), and my mother's sister also a survivor of yet another form.

I think the idea of lopping off perfectly healthy body parts to "prevent" a problem that proper routine screening and attention to one's health should uncover early is insane, especially a potential problem that is in no way certain to develop without such surgery.

I won't have the testing because what else on earth could be done to try to avoid getting cancer that we're not already supposed to be doing, like eating right, generally taking care of our health, exercising, etc.? And why should I even open the door to the possibility of the kind of fatalism that can easily result from knowing that one has such a mutation? Especially knowing that such fatalism can lower one's immune system function - which in turn can open the door to a cancer that might not otherwise have developed.

I understand and respect that others might feel better knowing, and even taking such drastic, unproven steps, but I also find it appalling on many levels that anyone should be held up as a "hero" for making the choice to have this surgery.

 Just go live your lives, people. Take care of yourselves the way you know you should, get your regular mammograms, pap smears, prostate exams, etc. Know your body, and go see a doctor quickly if you notice a change; have regular exams. Heck, have *extra* exams, for that matter. But for heaven's sake, hold onto the body parts the good lord gave you until there's an actual *reason* (as in actual illness, or real proof that doing otherwise will actually matter) to part with them.

Although I could have responded otherwise or not at all, I chose to answer with this:

As I noted in my piece, women have many options with regard to dealing with BRCA mutations. Having watched such a mutation--that she didn't even know she had--kill my mother in seven weeks time, I saw reason enough to take action once I knew I carried the same genetic defect. I do not consider myself, Angelina Jolie or anyone else a hero for choosing prophylactic surgery. As you suggest, we are just trying to live our lives. Please do not judge us for our actions.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima,this post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.

Do I Ask Too Much of Myself?: A #BlogElul Post

When I was in graduate school, I frequently asked questions in class.

Sometimes, I wanted clarification from the professor about a specific point.

Other times, my questions were part of a discussion.

At still other times, when I had no questions to ask, I was awed by the thoughtful questions my classmates asked.

Beyond the classroom, however, my relationship with asking is not always quite so clear.

Sometimes, when I don't understand what's being said, I get so flustered I don't know what to ask.

Other times, I'm just too embarrassed to ask

At still other times, (usually if the conversation is about celebrities), I don't care enough to ask.

Most of all, though, when I'm overwhelmed and the world feels like it's spinning out of control, I wonder if I ask too much of myself.

Inspired by Ima on (and off) the Bima,this post is one in a series marking the days of the Hebrew month of Elul, which precedes the Jewish High Holidays and traditionally serves as a time of reflection and spiritual preparation for the new year.