Sunday, September 20, 2009

Shana Tova: A Craigslist Sampler

For all the obvious reasons, I really should give up posting personal ads on Craigslist. However, like Rev. Christine Shiber, a newly divorced 50-something profiled in a story in last week’s New York Times, I’ve found it’s the venue that brings the most responses. As she says, “While it’s glorious to have the freedom to divorce and create a better life, we’re not in college anymore with an unlimited supply of men our age.” Also like Rev. Shiber, experience has made me somewhat adept at discerning the good from the bad in this crazy cyber-marketplace, and so it is that on Friday, I posted this ad:

Shana tova - 46 (New York City)

Will you be eating chicken soup and brisket at a holiday table tonight, grateful to have friends and family close by with whom to celebrate?

Perhaps tomorrow morning you’ll park your tush in a pew at a synagogue in the tri-state area? After services you’ll be glad to loosen your tie and get home, optimistic that good things are in store for you in 5770. Am I right?

If one of the good things you’re hoping for is to meet someone special, I’d like to hear from you. I’m 46, youthful, Jewish, attractive (although ultimately you have to decide that for yourself), and have lots to offer the right guy. You should be age appropriate, Jewish, not already married, and, most important, real.

Shana tova.

Here’s a sampling of the more than 20 replies caught in my net:

Guy #1, bless his heart, wrote: “For various reasons (including age), I don't think you'd be interested in me, but I just wanted to wish you a shana tova, and I hope this year brings you happiness in every area of your life!”

Guy #2 has answered previous ads of mine with a photo and a brief note worthy of a reply. When I've reciprocated with a note and my photo (yes, the same one that’s up at the top of this page over there on the right), he hasn't written back. Apparently the photo is a deal breaker for him. Oh well…

Guy #3 is really Guy #3 and Gal #1. They claim to be Jewish and “seeking to develop an ongoing friendship with an exceptional woman!” Oy…par for the course on Craigslist, though, and the raison d'ĂȘtre for the delete key!

Guy #4 is named Tony Porcelli. (No, not really… I changed it to protect his innocence, but, trust me, the real one is equally Italian.) And, although I know that it’s dangerous to make assumptions based solely on names and the appearance of things – marit ayin, I think, is the expression in Hebrew – when I Googled his actual name, he came up as the owner of a general contracting company on Long Island. Jewish? No, despite his correct use of spilkes and tsuris, not so much.

Guy #5 wrote this:

Hi,
I don't know if your [sic] Conservative or Orthodox...
Is it that hard to meet a nice guy in shul????
I'm married, Jewish & you don't want me..
However.... You seem nice.. so I am trying to help...
My only advice for you... don't settle...
If you look hard, you'll find a nice Jewish guy...

Thanks, Guy #5. Yes, it is that hard to meet a nice guy in shul (or anywhere, it seems), but I’m trying. I’m definitely trying…