Friday, March 12, 2010

A Panoply of Personals

With an online presence as “JanetheWriter,” I’m frequently asked what, exactly, it is that I write. My stock answer goes something like this: “Executive correspondence, reports, online and web content, status updates, blog posts, and the like.”

Sometimes, just for fun, I write personal ads and over time, I've amassed quite a collection. I'm thinking of updating my JDate profile with one. What do you think? Shoot me an email and vote for your favorite.

Personal Ad #1: Share and Share Alike

Bright, sincere, attractive and down-to-earth (but certainly not perfect) 40-something happily DJF with no kids, manageable baggage, and a rich and balanced life seeks age appropriate, honest, gentle, kind, liberal Jewish guy for sharing long strolls, silly jokes, dessert, smiles and laughter, knowing glances, romantic dinners, time at home, bumps in the road, playful banter, meaningful conversations, walks in the woods, Scrabble games, hugs and kisses, lazy weekends, secrets, movie popcorn, time away, new adventures, favorite places, ice cream sundaes, books and music, ideas, Ferris wheel and subway rides, dim sum, the Sunday Times, hopes, dreams, wishes, and more.

Personal Ad #2: Chemistry Test

Fun, funny, intelligent, affectionate, attractive and real (but certainly not perfect) 40-something, city-dwelling DJF with a rich and balanced life (but no kids and minimal baggage) seeks age appropriate, honest, gentle, kind, liberal, legally single/divorced Jewish guy (tall, dark and handsome would be great, but warm, caring and genuine work just as well for me) for a chemistry test. Don’t panic – no beakers, Bunsen burners or periodic chart of the elements here…just coffee and conversation to see if we’re reactive or inert.

Personal Ad #3: Recipe for Love

One nice Jewish guy
Nearly 50 years’ experience
Ample kindness
Sufficient smarts
Lots of honesty
Generous dose of integrity
Kids optional

Gently mix all ingredients together.
Slowly add one intelligent, fun and affectionate divorced Jewish woman.
Place mixture in a bowl and see what happens.

Personal Ad #4: Time to “Fall” for Someone

There’s a chill in the air, the leaves are starting to turn, the days are getting shorter…it’s time to “fall” for someone.

Happily DJF, 46, with no kids, manageable baggage and lots to offer the right guy seeks 40-something happily divorced (or equally seasoned) divorced Jewish male for meaningful long-term relationship.

With fall in the air, maybe we’ll “fall” for each other?

Personal Ad #5: Shana Tova

Will you be eating chicken soup and brisket at a holiday table tonight, grateful to have friends and family close by with whom to celebrate?

Perhaps tomorrow morning you’ll park your tush in a pew at a synagogue in the tri-state area? After services you’ll be glad to loosen your tie and get home, optimistic that good things are in store for you in 5770. Am I right?

If one of the good things you’re hoping for is to meet someone special, I’d like to hear from you. I’m 46, youthful, Jewish, attractive (although ultimately you have to decide that for yourself), and have lots to offer the right guy. You should be age appropriate, Jewish and real.

Shana tova.

Personal Ad #6: Don't Be a Turkey...Answer this Ad!

Real, down-to-earth and youthful 40-something Jewish woman with much to be thankful for seeks a mensch in the hope that compatibility and friendship might lead to something more.

Please be Jewish kind, gentle, real, age-appropriate and not already married.

Personal Ad #7: Jewish Haiku

40-something Jew
Seeks same in a male version
Are you my bashert?

Personal Ad #8: A Shavuot Haiku

Saw you at Sinai
Celebrating that day now
Should we reconnect?

40-something DJF seeks similarly aged mensch for LTR.
Substantive note and photo appreciated.
Chag sameach.

Personal Ad #9: Let’s try things in reverse here…

I don’t really enjoy jazz, comedy clubs or fancy restaurants where the waiters refold the starched linen napkin every time you get up from the table. Give me the back booth in a neighborhood diner, a bottomless cup of coffee, a brownie ala mode (with two forks) and a good conversationalist to share it all and I’m a happy camper.

I also don’t really enjoy the sun, so sitting on a roof deck or the beach all day isn’t my idea of a good time either. One line responses and bad grammar, spelling and capitalization are other things that don’t exactly appeal to me.

And despite this laundry list, here I am, silly me, looking for that special someone (40-something, divorced and Jewish would be ideal) whom I believe is out there for me…I just haven’t bumped into him yet. If you think you may be him, this 46-year-old DJF with a good job, varied interests and, I think, lots to offer – humor, smarts, compassion, a great smile and more -- as part of a meaningful LTR would like to hear from you,

And lastly, Personal Ad #10: Looking for Love with a Limerick

There once was a girl in the city,
In search of a Jew who is witty,
The word “mensch” comes to mind,
Though they’re quite hard to find,
It really is quite a pity.

Contented DJF seeks DJM (45-55) for LTR