Letter to The Mums

Dear The Mums,

You know how Daddy always says that in Teddy Roosevelt’s time Sundays were reserved for letter writing?   Well, it’s Sunday (the one right before Pesach) and even though I don’t know the exact address of the Yeshivah shel Mal'ah where you’re probably hanging out these days, I’m sure that one way or another, you’ll receive this message.  (Rabbi Bogosian—and probably a few other people, too—is sure that you’re there all the time nudging God about why God didn’t let Moses into the Promised Land.  I can’t say I disagree with her!)

I know that you probably already know all the things I want to tell you that have gone on in the last 10 and a half months, but just in case you don’t, here goes…

It’s really hard here without you, but you’re always on our minds and we’re doing the best we can.  On the morning of Yom Kippur I carried “your” Torah scroll during the hakafah—the way you always did.  You know it’s always been my very favorite honor…and even more so now.  I had a chance to do it again a week ago on Shabbat B’Shir (obviously in the regular blue cover) when Danny Maseng was the scholar-in-residence. He was, as usual, wonderful, and I know you would have enjoyed seeing him and Terry.

Daddy and I will be back at temple on May 6th for the 50th anniversary celebration.  Eric’s speaking and everyone’s really excited…you’d think the pope was coming to visit. ;-)  Something else about Eric, too…he’s retiring in June of 2012 and Rick Jacobs from Westchester Reform will be succeeding him.  Apparently, there’s some possibility of job insecurity for me once he comes on board, but I honestly don’t think I’ll end up panhandling on Third Avenue.  We’ll see…

I’m sure you know about Uncle Jash, which was very hard for Aunt Claire.  In her indomitable way, though, she’s doing very well.  She’s making the seder tomorrow night and it will be a very familiar, albeit bittersweet, scene.  Daddy’s bringing the extra soup bowls she always borrows from you, as well as Miriam’s cup, and the haggadot.  We didn’t know where they were at first, but last weekend after the scholar-in-residence program, I went back to the house with Daddy and after starting in Fibber McGee’s closet, we finally found them in a big plastic box in the garage with all the other Passover stuff.  LZ’s making the desserts, and last night I made your delish crock pot brisket.  (Marc's making the choroset, which you know was always my specialty, but, alas, I had to let it go.)  I know that we’ll miss you more than ever tomorrow night, but also that you’ll be there with us, doing all the duh-duh-duh-duh-duhs at the end of every verse of Dayenu.  Oh, and please don’t forget about the weather…sunny and spring like would be wonderful.  Sanks!

One more thing:  Remember when you wrote in your ethical will that you wished for us the courage to face the things that we must face?  Well, I’m guessing you had no idea (or perhaps you did?) what a whopper I’d be facing these days.  After you died, LZ and I got tested for the BRCA gene mutations and although she’s negative, I’m positive (as we surmise you were) for a founder mutation that significantly increases my lifetime risk of both breast and ovarian cancer – up to 85% for the former and as high as 27% for the latter.  Mustering the courage to face the things that I must face, I connected with a great geneticist and team of doctors at Sloan-Kettering and had a full hysterectomy in December.  At the moment, I’m also in a high surveillance breast program that alternates mammograms and MRIs at six-month intervals.  A baseline MRI 10 days ago, though, uncovered two things that needed further investigation and so last week I had another MRI, an ultrasound and an MRI-guided core biopsy (Aunt Bea came with me for that one) before the docs, thankfully, could report that the two things were really nothing.  The experience, however, confirmed for me that I can’t live the rest of my life this way and so last week (with Aunt Claire in tow this time), I also saw a breast surgeon and am scheduled to see a plastic surgeon at the end of this month.  I’ve been doing a ton of research on various surgeons and procedures, and I’m totally comfortable that the prophylactic mastectomy and autologous reconstruction decision is absolutely the right one for me.  Courage to face the things I need to face?  As Sarah Palin would say, “You betcha!”

There’s lots more to tell, but these are the biggies.  The rest will have to wait for another Sunday and another letter. 

Chag sameach, The Mums….xoxo,
~ Boo!

Thirty-Minute Seder? Thumbs Down!

Passover 2009

Passover 2009

Perusing the New York Times magazine this morning, I came across an ad for a haggadah for a 30-minute seder.  I don’t know about you, but after you’ve spent days (or perhaps even weeks) preparing for this most beloved and widely celebrated of festivals—shopping, sweeping the chamatz from the house, perhaps changing the dishes, setting the table, cooking, cooking and more cooking—why, oh why, would you want to retell the story of the Exodus in a mere 30 minutes?? 

Last year (on this very weekend, in fact), I took the train out to my parents’ house in New Jersey to help finish the cooking and the table setting.  My mother had not been well for a few weeks and we were planning a somewhat scaled back seder – the kind where everyone fits at just one table and neither bridge tables nor oddly assorted chairs collected from throughout the house are required.  By the time we all turned in on that Sunday night, the table was set with the good dishes and our bright yellow haggadot, and the fridge was fully stocked with matzo ball soup, tri-colored gefilte fish loaf, brisket, roast chicken, charoset, and the rest of the fixings for what my father – in a terrible mix of metaphors – might call “a down home Passover.”

Little did we know then that that night, Sunday, March 28, 2010, would be the last one my mother would ever spend in the home where she’d lived for nearly 38 years.  Monday morning, March 29th, erev Pesach, found us at Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital where we’d spend the next seven weeks tending to her as her health spiraled downward and she battled her own personal Mitzraim before entering hospice on Shavuot.

So, do I want a 30-minute seder this year?  Not a chance.  Although I know that the full-blown “down home seders” of the past at 12 Webster Road are – like my mother’s physical presence – gone, they, and she, live on and will be with us when we gather once again in a few weeks to tell the story of our Exodus from Egypt.  Our celebration will, no doubt, be sad and joyful, filled with laughter and tears, music and memories.  Most of all, though, it will be a lot longer than 30 minutes.

Letter From My Blog

Dear JanetheWriter,

Usually when you’re really busy and can’t post to me, your blog, you send a letter to fill me in and let me know what’s keeping you out of the blogosphere.  In an effort to ease even that burden from your shoulders, let me try to write it for you…

I know that you’re up to your eyeballs with school work…you’ve got a paper due tomorrow and a group presentation next week.  But look on the bright side:  the paper’s finished (you submitted it via email tonight) and everyone in your group showed up for today’s 5:30 p.m. meeting to divvy up the work for the presentation.  Good progress on all fronts…

At 633, where you became the foursquare mayor yesterday and unlocked the local badge today, you’re busy doing preliminary research for a new article for Reform Judaism magazine.  You’re also writing lots of correspondence for your boss and for the upcoming Biennial (when does the countdown clock start?), as well as random proofreading and editing “on demand” for others.

In between work and school, you’re managing to fill your time with tons of other things.  Last night, you checked in at temple for an Adult Education Committee meeting and next week you’ve got another one—this time the Festivals Committee.  Between the two committees, the minyan and kabbalat Shabbat services when you’ve got a yahrzeit, you’re getting to be quite the regular up there at 79th and Second. 

And there’s plenty more on your plate, too.  You’ve got to register for the FORCE Conference, make flight and hotel reservations, schedule a haircut (you’re starting to look like what your grandmother used to call a vild Indian, well before that term was deemed less than politically correct), get all your tax paperwork to the accountant, water your orchid, back-up your hard drive, arrange for pre-certification for your upcoming MRI, and place an order with freshdirect.

Whew….no wonder you haven’t got time to write to me.  In any event, I hope you find some time soon.  I always like to hear from you, and I miss you.  I’m sure you’ll get everything done in good time and that the tight grip on your time will ease up shortly.

I hope you’re well and that we’ll be able to connect soon.

Very fondly,
Your Blog

Executive "Sweet"

After lunch today, my sweet tooth started calling my name.  I don’t generally hear from it, so when I do, I usually listen.  I wandered over to a colleague’s office and was disappointed to find that the bowl located there that's often filled with M&Ms was empty.

Returning to my own office, I posted this status update on Facebook:

Me (Writer to the President):  JanetheWriter is very disappointed that the M&Ms bowl is empty.

Over the next few minutes, this conversation ensued among a few of my colleagues:

Data Management Director:  Go to MUM. They usually have a good supply in the bubble gum dispenser :)

Writer to the President:  Yeah, but Elliott usually has peanut M&Ms. I ate a clementine instead...a better choice all around.

Data Management Director:  OOOh PEANUT M&Ms!!!!! How was the darling-clementine??

Writer to the President:  Not nearly as darling as peanut M&Ms!!!

At this point, I was interrupted by the Executive Assistant to the President, who asked if I wanted to know where the “stash” was.  When I answered in the affirmative, she showed me, and then used it to refill the bowl, sending the jangling sound of M&Ms through the executive suite.

And then, the Facebook conversation resumed:

Executive Assistant to the Chairman of the Board:  Thank you, @Executive Assistant to the President for refilling!!!!!!

Executive Assistant to the President:  All is right with the world.  The bowl has been replenished.

Web Editor:  If it’s empty, don’t look at me.  I am swearing off them!

OK, everybody, now that we’ve had our afternoon break--with or without peanut M&Ms--let’s get back to work!

Ah, Arthur, How Right You Are!

"To buy books would be a good thing if we also could buy the time to read them."

Arthur Schopenhauer

My bookshelves overflow with books, many of which remain on my “to read” list.  And yet, last night I purchased three more at the soon-to-close Borders Books and Music store around the corner from my apartment.

Although the store looked like London after the blitz—complete with a darkened café and half empty shelves and tables already scoured into disarray by frenzied shoppers—I took my time, savoring the feel of each volume in my hand, browsing its back cover and opening pages, weighing the book's merits against the many others still available for purchase.

In the end, I settled on these:

One Hundred Years of Solitude

Silas Marner: The Weaver of Raveloe

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

If only I could delve into them right now.  But first, the reading for school, and then back to my newest read, which was loaned to me by a friend.  Although I’ve read only a few of its pages, it’s already proven to be an engaging and well-written page turner, which is more than I can say for the school assignment!

The Latest from Vogue

Although I’m no texting maven, there are definitely times and places for this wonderful form of communication.  This afternoon, an exchange with a friend took my mind off where I was and helped fill nearly an hour’s wait in a doctor’s office. The conversation went something like this:

D:  How was the appointment?

Me:  Still waiting, but now in a little opens-in-the-front seersucker number.  Quite the fashion plate!

D:  HOT!!!!!

Me:  Look for me on the cover of next month’s Vogue!

D:  :-)

We picked it up again about 40 minutes later:

Me:  On the bus going home.  All’s well.  Don’t need to see the surgeon again.  :)  Naptime!!

D:  Wahoo!  Happy nappy!

Me:  =)

Wahoo, indeed!

Daily Blessings

Earlier today I went to class, had a quick bite with one of my study buddies, and returned home with enough energy left to catch up on email and to poke around on Facebook for a while.  I even posted this status update:

Wow...energy seems to be coming back. What a good feeling!

More to the point, I believe today’s the day for this blessing:

Baruch ata Adonai, Eloheinu Melech ha’olam, shegmalani kol tov.

I praise You, Eternal God, Sovereign of the universe, who restores me to health and safety.

Next week:  back to work!